[ pretend 1/1 ]
Title: Pretend
Fandom: Sea Patrol
Pairing: Dutchy/Kate
Spoilers: 4x16
Words: 1401
Summary: 'The CO’s death meant a lot more to Kate McGregor than it did anyone else on the ship. They can all see that.'
A/N: This is post (or during?) fic for the season 4 finale.
He looks over at Swain as he appears upstairs.
‘Where’s the X?’ he asks.
He knows. He shouldn’t even have to ask. It’s not that he’s blind, but he doesn’t really want to see it. The CO’s death meant a lot more to Kate McGregor than it did anyone else on the ship. They can all see that.
‘She just needed a moment,’ Swain replies, glancing at Dutchy for a moment before moving towards the railing, leaning against it to stabilise himself.
The CO’s death wasn’t going to be easy on any of them. He was that kind of boss - the one everyone dreamed of working under and so much more. But he knew the way it was affecting her was different.
Dutchy makes a move for the staircase.
‘Let her be, Dutchy,’ Swain comments.
Dutchy ignores him and keeps walking.
‘Hey!’ 2Dads grabs his arm and Dutchy swings around.
What on Earth does 2Dads even think he’s doing? It’s not like he could fight him, Dutchy could beat any of them one on one. They think they’re protecting her, but he knows they don’t understand what it’s like to think something is their fault.
He also assumes none of them know that she thinks this is her fault, because she dropped his call, because she didn’t help him.
‘Are you going to fight me?’ Dutchy asks and even he’s surprised how quietly the words come out.
2Dads lets go of his arm and steps away. ‘Your funeral, mate.’
Normally Dutchy would’ve replied with something about 2Dads insensitivity but he wasn’t in the mood. All he wanted was to make sure Kate - the X - was OK. He wasn’t even sure when he’d started thinking of her as Kate. It was only to himself; he would never dare call her that out loud.
Ignoring 2Dads warning and Swain’s disapproving stare Dutchy disappears below decks. She wasn’t in the main room so he turned and checked the others.
He hadn’t been expecting it.
Hadn’t been expecting to see the CO alive, hadn’t been expecting to walk in on them kissing. Hadn’t really expected the jolt of jealousy that struck him as he’d turned and seen them.
For a moment he doesn’t breathe, doesn’t dare, unable to take his eyes of them. This was why. Why she wanted to transfer, why she’d dropped his call. In that instant everything suddenly makes sense.
It’s only after a few moments he finds the will to leave. But he doesn’t head back upstairs.
Just for a minute he pauses in the hallway and closes his eyes. He wasn’t sure when he’d started falling in love with Kate McGregor, but he knew he was. And now he also knew she could never love him back. Because no matter what he did he was never going to be Mike Flynn and that hurt him.
He felt trapped, not wanting to head back upstairs to the others and not wanting to stay where he was in fear of her seeing him there. Confused - alone.
Maybe he’s paused too long, because a moment later he hears her voice.
‘Dutchy,’ she says quietly.
He looks up at her.
Instantly she knows. He tries his best to hide it but he knows she’s not an idiot and she seems to be able to read him like an open book. She knows he saw them, and he knows she knows. He tries to focus on the CO instead. He’s not looking his best, but he’s alive.
‘Good to see you, sir,’ Dutchy tries to smile but he’s conscious of her eyes on him.
Apologetic.
‘Good to be here,’ the CO replies.
‘Let’s get you off this boat,’ Dutchy steps aside and signals for the CO to take the stairs.
The CO steps forward and begins to climb up. Dutchy lets his eyes drift back to Kate’s and his stomach lurches again as he sees the way she’s watching the CO. He’s never seen her look at him like that and he knows there’s years of emotion behind that look.
‘Ladies first,’ Dutchy almost whispers as she steps closer.
Now she’s looking at him again and he’s not sure how comfortable that makes him. She opens her mouth as though she’s about to speak and then closes it again and follows the CO to the upper deck.
Dutchy closes his eyes for a moment and follows her up. He’s trying to be happy for her, he really is, and he is genuinely happy that the CO is alive. But he knows that image of her desperately kissing the other man is going to haunt him for weeks to come.
There’s a few minutes of hugging and excitement as the others realise the CO’s alive and then they’re on the RHIB heading back to the Hammersley. He tries not to watch them but he can’t help it.
Her hand is touching the CO’s. It’s only lightly, but the way they’re hands are side by side, both pretending like there’s nothing suspicious about the position, tells him they’ve done this before. He looks at Swain, trying to distract himself - but movement in Kate’s direction draws his attention back to them.
She’s reaching up to touch his face. As though there’s no one else on the boat, as though it’s OK for an XO and CO to be that close. She turns to Swain and makes a joke about patching him up and Swain jokes back.
Dutchy wonders if anyone else has noticed. Although he would probably think he was imagining things if he hadn’t caught them on the other boat. Or maybe he would turn a blind eye, pretend it wasn’t happening.
He’s not turning a blind eye right now, and he’s trying his best. But everything about them is suddenly so obvious. The way the CO leans slightly to the side she’s on. The way she’s glancing at him every three seconds just to check he’s still there.
It’s a valid reaction to someone when you thought they were dead. But he knows better. He recognises that look and he knows she’s in love with the CO.
Technically he shouldn’t care. Compared to the rest of the crew he barely knows the woman. And half the time they have known each other they didn’t really seem to understand one another. Then suddenly it had clicked and he wasn’t sure when it had happened but he’d come to the conclusion that Kate McGregor was the kind of woman you only met once in your life.
Apparently Mike Flynn agreed.
Finally she catches his eye and he realises he’s been staring the entire boat trip and hopes no one’s noticed. And it’s there again, the apologetic look. He’s almost starting to hate it. It’s not like it’s her fault that she’s in love with someone else. He’d just prefer if she pretended like she didn’t know anything.
He looks away, out to the water, and pretends like nothing’s wrong.
Because he knows that’s what he’s going to have to do now.
Pretend.
Pretend like he doesn’t know, like he didn’t see anything, like he doesn’t care and he knows the last is going to be the hardest. Because he does care, he cares a lot, but he’s not allowed to and he has no emotional right to her. Clearly Mike Flynn has had a place in her heart a lot longer than he’s known her.
It wasn’t even like he had a chance. Lieutenants didn’t date Bosons, no matter what world you lived in. Especially if they were stationed on the same ship.
But it was that hope, hope that one day they’d get a little too drunk and a little too friendly and then he’d have his chance. And that was all he had hoped for, because he knew it was all he could ever have hoped for - the idea of marriage and kids with a woman like her was impossible.
Kate McGregor’s always married Mike Flynn’s.
He should’ve realised that from the beginning. But they were good at hiding it. Except for right at that moment. He glances back at them, part of him unable to stop himself from doing so.
They’re not even trying to be subtle, their arms pressed closely together and her still looking at him in that way.
Dutchy’s almost relieved when they make it back to the Hammersley.
Fandom: Sea Patrol
Pairing: Dutchy/Kate
Spoilers: 4x16
Words: 1401
Summary: 'The CO’s death meant a lot more to Kate McGregor than it did anyone else on the ship. They can all see that.'
A/N: This is post (or during?) fic for the season 4 finale.
He looks over at Swain as he appears upstairs.
‘Where’s the X?’ he asks.
He knows. He shouldn’t even have to ask. It’s not that he’s blind, but he doesn’t really want to see it. The CO’s death meant a lot more to Kate McGregor than it did anyone else on the ship. They can all see that.
‘She just needed a moment,’ Swain replies, glancing at Dutchy for a moment before moving towards the railing, leaning against it to stabilise himself.
The CO’s death wasn’t going to be easy on any of them. He was that kind of boss - the one everyone dreamed of working under and so much more. But he knew the way it was affecting her was different.
Dutchy makes a move for the staircase.
‘Let her be, Dutchy,’ Swain comments.
Dutchy ignores him and keeps walking.
‘Hey!’ 2Dads grabs his arm and Dutchy swings around.
What on Earth does 2Dads even think he’s doing? It’s not like he could fight him, Dutchy could beat any of them one on one. They think they’re protecting her, but he knows they don’t understand what it’s like to think something is their fault.
He also assumes none of them know that she thinks this is her fault, because she dropped his call, because she didn’t help him.
‘Are you going to fight me?’ Dutchy asks and even he’s surprised how quietly the words come out.
2Dads lets go of his arm and steps away. ‘Your funeral, mate.’
Normally Dutchy would’ve replied with something about 2Dads insensitivity but he wasn’t in the mood. All he wanted was to make sure Kate - the X - was OK. He wasn’t even sure when he’d started thinking of her as Kate. It was only to himself; he would never dare call her that out loud.
Ignoring 2Dads warning and Swain’s disapproving stare Dutchy disappears below decks. She wasn’t in the main room so he turned and checked the others.
He hadn’t been expecting it.
Hadn’t been expecting to see the CO alive, hadn’t been expecting to walk in on them kissing. Hadn’t really expected the jolt of jealousy that struck him as he’d turned and seen them.
For a moment he doesn’t breathe, doesn’t dare, unable to take his eyes of them. This was why. Why she wanted to transfer, why she’d dropped his call. In that instant everything suddenly makes sense.
It’s only after a few moments he finds the will to leave. But he doesn’t head back upstairs.
Just for a minute he pauses in the hallway and closes his eyes. He wasn’t sure when he’d started falling in love with Kate McGregor, but he knew he was. And now he also knew she could never love him back. Because no matter what he did he was never going to be Mike Flynn and that hurt him.
He felt trapped, not wanting to head back upstairs to the others and not wanting to stay where he was in fear of her seeing him there. Confused - alone.
Maybe he’s paused too long, because a moment later he hears her voice.
‘Dutchy,’ she says quietly.
He looks up at her.
Instantly she knows. He tries his best to hide it but he knows she’s not an idiot and she seems to be able to read him like an open book. She knows he saw them, and he knows she knows. He tries to focus on the CO instead. He’s not looking his best, but he’s alive.
‘Good to see you, sir,’ Dutchy tries to smile but he’s conscious of her eyes on him.
Apologetic.
‘Good to be here,’ the CO replies.
‘Let’s get you off this boat,’ Dutchy steps aside and signals for the CO to take the stairs.
The CO steps forward and begins to climb up. Dutchy lets his eyes drift back to Kate’s and his stomach lurches again as he sees the way she’s watching the CO. He’s never seen her look at him like that and he knows there’s years of emotion behind that look.
‘Ladies first,’ Dutchy almost whispers as she steps closer.
Now she’s looking at him again and he’s not sure how comfortable that makes him. She opens her mouth as though she’s about to speak and then closes it again and follows the CO to the upper deck.
Dutchy closes his eyes for a moment and follows her up. He’s trying to be happy for her, he really is, and he is genuinely happy that the CO is alive. But he knows that image of her desperately kissing the other man is going to haunt him for weeks to come.
There’s a few minutes of hugging and excitement as the others realise the CO’s alive and then they’re on the RHIB heading back to the Hammersley. He tries not to watch them but he can’t help it.
Her hand is touching the CO’s. It’s only lightly, but the way they’re hands are side by side, both pretending like there’s nothing suspicious about the position, tells him they’ve done this before. He looks at Swain, trying to distract himself - but movement in Kate’s direction draws his attention back to them.
She’s reaching up to touch his face. As though there’s no one else on the boat, as though it’s OK for an XO and CO to be that close. She turns to Swain and makes a joke about patching him up and Swain jokes back.
Dutchy wonders if anyone else has noticed. Although he would probably think he was imagining things if he hadn’t caught them on the other boat. Or maybe he would turn a blind eye, pretend it wasn’t happening.
He’s not turning a blind eye right now, and he’s trying his best. But everything about them is suddenly so obvious. The way the CO leans slightly to the side she’s on. The way she’s glancing at him every three seconds just to check he’s still there.
It’s a valid reaction to someone when you thought they were dead. But he knows better. He recognises that look and he knows she’s in love with the CO.
Technically he shouldn’t care. Compared to the rest of the crew he barely knows the woman. And half the time they have known each other they didn’t really seem to understand one another. Then suddenly it had clicked and he wasn’t sure when it had happened but he’d come to the conclusion that Kate McGregor was the kind of woman you only met once in your life.
Apparently Mike Flynn agreed.
Finally she catches his eye and he realises he’s been staring the entire boat trip and hopes no one’s noticed. And it’s there again, the apologetic look. He’s almost starting to hate it. It’s not like it’s her fault that she’s in love with someone else. He’d just prefer if she pretended like she didn’t know anything.
He looks away, out to the water, and pretends like nothing’s wrong.
Because he knows that’s what he’s going to have to do now.
Pretend.
Pretend like he doesn’t know, like he didn’t see anything, like he doesn’t care and he knows the last is going to be the hardest. Because he does care, he cares a lot, but he’s not allowed to and he has no emotional right to her. Clearly Mike Flynn has had a place in her heart a lot longer than he’s known her.
It wasn’t even like he had a chance. Lieutenants didn’t date Bosons, no matter what world you lived in. Especially if they were stationed on the same ship.
But it was that hope, hope that one day they’d get a little too drunk and a little too friendly and then he’d have his chance. And that was all he had hoped for, because he knew it was all he could ever have hoped for - the idea of marriage and kids with a woman like her was impossible.
Kate McGregor’s always married Mike Flynn’s.
He should’ve realised that from the beginning. But they were good at hiding it. Except for right at that moment. He glances back at them, part of him unable to stop himself from doing so.
They’re not even trying to be subtle, their arms pressed closely together and her still looking at him in that way.
Dutchy’s almost relieved when they make it back to the Hammersley.