[ 'excuse me constable...' 'it's leiutenant!' ]
Title: Eight Times Things Just Didn't Go Mike Flynn's Way
Fandom: Sea Patrol
Pairing: Buffer/Kate, Mike/Kate
Rating: PG
Summary: 'The first time he notices it is about a week after the rumours started...'
i.
The first time he notices it is about a week after the rumours started. She’s standing against the railing looking out over the water and he’s about to approach her when Buffer gets there first. He pauses and watches them, watches the way Buffer lightly places a hand on her back as he approaches, the way she turns and smiles at him.
For a moment he’s almost jealous but then he reminds himself he can’t be.
He’s no more allowed to be in love with her than Buffer is.
He turns and leaves before he reads anything else into their little exchange, after all she assured him the rumours were just that - rumours, and it was better not to dwell on things that clearly meant nothing.
Right?
ii.
The second time is when they’re on shore leave, somehow Spider manages to convince him to join them on a night out and he finds himself sitting with her at a table in the corner, just the two of them. For the first couple of hours everything is normal, and maybe it’s the alcohol kicking in, but he begins to notice her eyes flickering over his shoulder every now and then.
He doesn’t need to turn around to see who’s there, he already knows.
A part of him wants to stand up and leave, invite her to come with him, or maybe just leave her there to look at Buffer all she wants, but he knows he can’t do either. Eventually Buffer comes to join them at their table and the stab of jealousy is suddenly much more prominent.
He watches her, watches the way her eyes focus on Buffer, the way they used to look at him, a way which he suddenly realises he hasn’t seen her look at him in a while. And all he can hear is 2Dad’s words rolling around in his head
“Buffer and the X…when they’re together they - they give off heat, it’s electric.”
The urge to leave overcomes him and he eventually stands up, saying goodnight and heading for the door. She follows him, catching him outside, putting a hand on his arm and asking what’s wrong.
“Nothing,” is his only response.
For a moment he stands, his eyes locked on hers. He knows she’ll understand something is wrong but he can’t let her know what. And without another word he turns and leaves.
She doesn’t follow.
iii.
He slams the door shut behind him and sits down on his bed. He hates it, he hates himself and how incompetent he was. He sits there for a moment, his head in his hands, eyes focused on the floor.
There’s a knock.
He doesn’t want to see anyone, and he hopes against all hopes that it’s not Buffer at the door, because right at that moment he doesn’t want to see him. He can’t see him.
“Come in.”
The door opens slowly and he knows without looking that she’s standing there.
“Sir, I just wanted to check that everything was OK?” she’s speaking carefully and he knows that she doesn’t understand why he’s so upset.
“You should be in the infirmary,” he whispers, looking up at her.
She seems to understand his tone of voice and enters the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. For a moment she stands there, unsure as to what she should be doing, and somehow that makes him even more angry.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she says finally.
He stands up and walks to her, placing his hands on her shoulders.
“Yes. It was. I should have known not to let them on board,” he says quietly. “And I should’ve been able to save you. I froze, and you almost died.”
He pauses, unable to keep talking, fearing that his emotions are about to boil over the edge of an invisible cauldron and show themselves to her and that scares him. Suddenly she seems to understand, because she leans forward and pulls him into a hug.
He wishes she could know how much he hates himself in that moment, that he got her in danger, that he couldn’t save her, and that Buffer could. He keeps playing it over and over in his mind. Her standing there, the barrel of the gun jammed into the side of her head, blood smeared over her face, tears welling up in her eyes.
And all he had done was stand there.
But Buffer had saved her, knocked the guy out and chained him to the boat. And all he had done was watch as Buffer put his arms around her and whispered in her ear that she was OK. And even though she was here now, in his arms, it was all because of another man.
He wonders if maybe he's just clinging to something that's long gone. That maybe she can do better than him, an old man, who can’t even save her life.
“It’s OK…” she finally responds.
He grips her tighter. “No…no it’s not.”
iv.
He catches her leaving the ship one night and stops her, asking her where she’s going.
“I need fresh air…” she replies. “Care to join me?”
He considers for a moment and then nods, it can’t hurt, and although he’s aware she’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself his instincts tell him that keeping her company on foreign shores can’t possibly be a bad idea.
“Why not?” he smiles.
They’re walking for about ten minutes, discussing all manner of things, from movies to childhood memories to stupid things the crew have done - and for the first time in a long time he’s relaxed around her.
It takes him a moment to notice when she falls silent but when he does he stops and follows her eye line.
Buffer is there, sitting on a park bench, his arm wrapped around what he assumes is a local woman, they‘re laughing. She stands still, watching them in silence through the trees, and when he looks back at Kate he recognizes the expression on her face. He knows that feeling well, and tries to push it away as he’s overcome by the same emotion.
Jealousy.
The ugliest and most pointless of all emotions as far as he’s concerned, and one he still has no idea how to control. He places a hand lightly on her shoulder.
“Everything OK, Kate?” he asks quietly, knowing quite well it’s not.
“Fine,” she whispers, shaking herself free of his hand and turning away. “I’m going back to the ship.”
He knows better than to follow her, instead he turns back to watch Buffer and the other woman. His jealousy is suddenly replaced with another emotion, rage, complete and utter anger.
Before he knows what he’s doing he walks over to Buffer and the other woman and grabs Buffer’s collar, yanking him up off the bench. He’s not entirely sure what he’s doing, Buffer would beat him in any fight, but he’s not thinking straight.
“Sir?” Buffer doesn’t defend himself, just seems confused.
He stands there for a moment, looking at his sailor, and lets go. The other woman has disappeared into the night, but he doesn’t care.
“Don’t you realise it hurts her when you do this?” he finds himself saying.
“Do what, sir? Hurt who?”
Buffer’s playing dumb and that only serves to make him more angry.
“Don’t play stupid with me,” he replies.
They stand there in silence, glaring at each other, nose to nose.
“Glad to know I’m not the only one with inappropriate feelings towards a fellow shipmate…sir,” Buffer replies, and suddenly he’s aware that he’s not the only angry person. “But at least I try to hide mine.”
For a moment they stand there, head to head, neither wanting to be the first to leave. Suddenly Buffer’s eyes are focused over his shoulder and he turns around.
She’s standing there, and the glare on her face tells them both that they’ve done the wrong thing.
“X…” Buffer says quietly.
“Just get lost,” she whispers, turning around and leaving.
He sees them the next morning on the bridge and neither of them are talking. They also neglect to acknowledge him as he takes his seat.
Perhaps he would’ve been better off saying nothing.
v.
“No.”
She’s looking at him and her eyes are so focused, not blinking and he knows there’s no way she is leaving the island without Buffer standing by her side. Normally Mike would be with her, he would refuse to leave any man behind but they were under gunfire and they’d serve Buffer better by heading back to the Hammersley and thinking more before they headed back to the island to retrieve him.
“With all due respect, sir, if we go back to the ship now and leave him here he’ll die. There’s no time,” she speaks quietly but sternly, and he can hear her trying to push away the shakiness that's vaguely present in her voice.
“Kate, you’re not thinking rationally,” he replies.
She stands there for a moment, her eyes glaring so hard he's worried she might burn a hole through him.
“You go, sir, I’m staying.”
He reaches forward and grabs her arm. “You are not staying here alone, our best chances of saving Buffer are to head back to the ship, figure out a plan of attack and wait for back-up.”
She glares at him one last time, before grabbing her weapon and turning and heading back for the forest.
Mike glances back at the RHIB and then at Kate. He can’t let her walk off into the jungle full of armed rebels by herself but he also knows there’s no way she’ll leave the island without Buffer.
It stings a little because he knows why she’s doing it, but he’s also aware that that he can’t go with her, one of them has to be back on the ship.
“Spider,” he calls out.
Spider jumps off the RHIB and makes his way quickly to Mike’s side.
“Yes, sir?”
“Go with her,” he says quietly.
It’s eight hours before he hears from either of them again. Back up arrives within the hour and four more search parties are sent out to the island. It’s not until the fourth one returns that he sees them. Spider, X and Buffer and none of them looking too good.
He drops by to see how Buffer is every couple of hours that evening, aware that if he hadn’t let her go back to find him that he might not even be there anymore. He knows she was right, but she hadn’t been thinking like a Navy Officer. Technically he knew he should reprimand her for it but he wasn’t going to.
He checks Buffer one last time before bed and she’s there, by his side. He knows she’s exhausted but he can’t help but feel his insides turn inside out as he notices tears in her eyes. Walking into the room without thinking he shuts the door behind him.
She seems startled at someone else’s presence and stands up quickly, wiping the wetness from her eyes.
“He’ll be OK,” Mike whispers. “Swain says he’ll be fine, he just needs rest…”
She nods. “Yes, sir.”
He can’t stop himself as he places his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. He wants her to be happy, more than anything, and the thing that hurts him the most is that he’s not the one who can do that for her anymore.
vi.
It’s her birthday and he makes sure he’s there first. Or at least he thinks he’s first until Buffer answers the door. He appears to be a few drinks down already and he smiles and puts an arm around Mike, dragging him into the living room.
“X, the boss is here!” Buffer declares, smiling at Mike one more time before dropping onto the couch.
She appears from the hallway and smiles nervously. He knows what she’s thinking, why did it have to be them who turned up first?
He wonders how long Buffer has been there but decies it's better not to think anything more of it.
They were all professionals…
Right?
It’s not long before the rest of the crew, and a few people he doesn’t know, turn up. And it’s even less time before they’ve all had too much to drink.
He finds himself standing outside, needing a break from the loud music and constant laughter.
“Not in the mood for a party, sir?”
He turns to find Buffer standing behind him, a beer in his hand, but considerably more sober than most of the guests. Mike shrugs.
“I guess I’m getting old,” he smiles and leans against the railing of the verandah.
Buffer leans against the railing next to him and they both look back inside at the party. She’s dancing with Charge, and he appears to be attempting to teach her some form of dance move that neither of them are particularly good at. Mike finds himself smiling slightly and turns to look at Buffer.
He’s not smiling, in fact quite the opposite.
“Sir, I wanted to tell you first…” Buffer pauses and takes a sip of his beer. “I’ve applied for a transfer. As soon as it's approved I'll no longer be serving on the Hammersley.”
“I’m very sad to hear that, Buffer,” Mike replies, instinctively. “You’ve been a very valuable member of the crew…”
He wants to ask why, he wants to ask where and when. And professionally he wants to ask him to stay. But he does none of those things. Because deep down he knows the answer to the first question and that’s enough for him not to care about the rest.
“Does she know?” he asks.
Buffer shakes his head. “And I’d prefer to keep it that way for now…”
“Of course.”
They stand there in silence for a good ten minutes before making their way back inside and as he closes the door behind him and catches her eye he realises maybe he’s made a mistake by not taking that land promotion.
vii.
He watches as they depart the RHIB and head back inside the boat, something’s changed between them, he can tell instantly, and he wonders if she finally knows about the transfer. For the next few hours he watches them interact - or more to the point - not interact at all.
The silence is almost too much for him to bear and it seems like everyone who had been on the island with them knows something he doesn’t.
It’s not until he wanders past Swain and Charge talking later that he understands.
“She blew up at him, it was as though he’d told her he’d put a bomb on the RHIB and we’d never get off the island or something,” Charge was explaining. “From what Spider tells me all that he said was that he was transferring and she started yelling at him about not respecting the ship and the crew and the CO and the second she mentioned him...well then it was Buffer’s turn to blow up.”
“Saying what?” Swain asks.
“Something about some night on foreign shores and the X and CO out for a walk and ran into Buffer…no idea what that was about, but it sounded suss.”
That was all Mike needed to hear. Suddenly he realises it’s not her fault that Buffer is leaving the ship, its his irrational behaviour that’s made the whole situation awkward and he wonders if it’s too late to change that.
He never meant for his personal feelings to get in the way like this and he realises he has less control over them than he thinks he does.
viii.
He watches from the shore as Buffer salutes the Hammersley one last time and he feels a sinking feeling in his stomach. He’s going to miss him, as a crew member and as something vaguely resembling a friend.
And then he’s reminded of what he won’t miss as he sees her approaching.
They don’t touch, they don’t smile, for a moment they just standing there. And then he salutes her.
She returns the salute and they both let their arms fall to their sides.
He doesn’t want to spy but he can’t seem to drag his eyes away from them. He knows right at this moment that they can have what he and Kate still can’t and that hurts, but at the same time he wants her to be happy and if that's what she wants he'll just have to learn to live with it.
Yet somehow what he’s seeing before him seems more like a goodbye than any sort of celebration.
And then Buffer takes a few steps closer to her, stepping off the Hammersley’s ramp onto the shore for the last time.
“We’ll miss you,” she finally speaks, and Mike has to strain to hear them.
“Yeah,” he replies, his eyes never leaving hers.
They stand in silence for a moment, her eyes flickering to the ground and back up at Buffer’s, neither of them seeming to notice Mike standing so close.
“I’ll miss you,” she breaks the silence with a bare whisper and Mike can see all the emotions he wishes he was feeling running through Buffer’s eyes.
“I know,” he whispers back.
They’re not touching but they might as well be for all the tension that’s in the air and again Mike feels guilty for watching them.
“I’ve checked out my replacement, he’ll do his job as well as me,” he continues.
“I’m sure he will,” she replies, standing up slightly straighter, a sign Mike recognizes as her pretending everything is OK when it’s really not. “It’s been an honour serving with you, Buffer.”
“The same to you, X.”
And with that it’s over, Buffer grabs his bags and gets into the nearest cab, leaving Kate standing alone by the Hammersley. Finally she notices him standing there and heads towards him, and when she gets there he notices how she’s breathing very rhythmically, and clearly. Trying to suppress her emotions.
“Drink?” he suggests.
“Yeah,” she replies. “Sounds good.”
At least for now she’s there, but he realises that she won’t always be. That things can change quickly and that at any moment either of them could end up with someone else. That for all he knew she was already secretly seeing somebody else.
And he knows if he wants anything to ever happen between them something is going to have to change. Because if you wait for something, it’ll never happen.
Fandom: Sea Patrol
Pairing: Buffer/Kate, Mike/Kate
Rating: PG
Summary: 'The first time he notices it is about a week after the rumours started...'
i.
The first time he notices it is about a week after the rumours started. She’s standing against the railing looking out over the water and he’s about to approach her when Buffer gets there first. He pauses and watches them, watches the way Buffer lightly places a hand on her back as he approaches, the way she turns and smiles at him.
For a moment he’s almost jealous but then he reminds himself he can’t be.
He’s no more allowed to be in love with her than Buffer is.
He turns and leaves before he reads anything else into their little exchange, after all she assured him the rumours were just that - rumours, and it was better not to dwell on things that clearly meant nothing.
Right?
ii.
The second time is when they’re on shore leave, somehow Spider manages to convince him to join them on a night out and he finds himself sitting with her at a table in the corner, just the two of them. For the first couple of hours everything is normal, and maybe it’s the alcohol kicking in, but he begins to notice her eyes flickering over his shoulder every now and then.
He doesn’t need to turn around to see who’s there, he already knows.
A part of him wants to stand up and leave, invite her to come with him, or maybe just leave her there to look at Buffer all she wants, but he knows he can’t do either. Eventually Buffer comes to join them at their table and the stab of jealousy is suddenly much more prominent.
He watches her, watches the way her eyes focus on Buffer, the way they used to look at him, a way which he suddenly realises he hasn’t seen her look at him in a while. And all he can hear is 2Dad’s words rolling around in his head
“Buffer and the X…when they’re together they - they give off heat, it’s electric.”
The urge to leave overcomes him and he eventually stands up, saying goodnight and heading for the door. She follows him, catching him outside, putting a hand on his arm and asking what’s wrong.
“Nothing,” is his only response.
For a moment he stands, his eyes locked on hers. He knows she’ll understand something is wrong but he can’t let her know what. And without another word he turns and leaves.
She doesn’t follow.
iii.
He slams the door shut behind him and sits down on his bed. He hates it, he hates himself and how incompetent he was. He sits there for a moment, his head in his hands, eyes focused on the floor.
There’s a knock.
He doesn’t want to see anyone, and he hopes against all hopes that it’s not Buffer at the door, because right at that moment he doesn’t want to see him. He can’t see him.
“Come in.”
The door opens slowly and he knows without looking that she’s standing there.
“Sir, I just wanted to check that everything was OK?” she’s speaking carefully and he knows that she doesn’t understand why he’s so upset.
“You should be in the infirmary,” he whispers, looking up at her.
She seems to understand his tone of voice and enters the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. For a moment she stands there, unsure as to what she should be doing, and somehow that makes him even more angry.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she says finally.
He stands up and walks to her, placing his hands on her shoulders.
“Yes. It was. I should have known not to let them on board,” he says quietly. “And I should’ve been able to save you. I froze, and you almost died.”
He pauses, unable to keep talking, fearing that his emotions are about to boil over the edge of an invisible cauldron and show themselves to her and that scares him. Suddenly she seems to understand, because she leans forward and pulls him into a hug.
He wishes she could know how much he hates himself in that moment, that he got her in danger, that he couldn’t save her, and that Buffer could. He keeps playing it over and over in his mind. Her standing there, the barrel of the gun jammed into the side of her head, blood smeared over her face, tears welling up in her eyes.
And all he had done was stand there.
But Buffer had saved her, knocked the guy out and chained him to the boat. And all he had done was watch as Buffer put his arms around her and whispered in her ear that she was OK. And even though she was here now, in his arms, it was all because of another man.
He wonders if maybe he's just clinging to something that's long gone. That maybe she can do better than him, an old man, who can’t even save her life.
“It’s OK…” she finally responds.
He grips her tighter. “No…no it’s not.”
iv.
He catches her leaving the ship one night and stops her, asking her where she’s going.
“I need fresh air…” she replies. “Care to join me?”
He considers for a moment and then nods, it can’t hurt, and although he’s aware she’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself his instincts tell him that keeping her company on foreign shores can’t possibly be a bad idea.
“Why not?” he smiles.
They’re walking for about ten minutes, discussing all manner of things, from movies to childhood memories to stupid things the crew have done - and for the first time in a long time he’s relaxed around her.
It takes him a moment to notice when she falls silent but when he does he stops and follows her eye line.
Buffer is there, sitting on a park bench, his arm wrapped around what he assumes is a local woman, they‘re laughing. She stands still, watching them in silence through the trees, and when he looks back at Kate he recognizes the expression on her face. He knows that feeling well, and tries to push it away as he’s overcome by the same emotion.
Jealousy.
The ugliest and most pointless of all emotions as far as he’s concerned, and one he still has no idea how to control. He places a hand lightly on her shoulder.
“Everything OK, Kate?” he asks quietly, knowing quite well it’s not.
“Fine,” she whispers, shaking herself free of his hand and turning away. “I’m going back to the ship.”
He knows better than to follow her, instead he turns back to watch Buffer and the other woman. His jealousy is suddenly replaced with another emotion, rage, complete and utter anger.
Before he knows what he’s doing he walks over to Buffer and the other woman and grabs Buffer’s collar, yanking him up off the bench. He’s not entirely sure what he’s doing, Buffer would beat him in any fight, but he’s not thinking straight.
“Sir?” Buffer doesn’t defend himself, just seems confused.
He stands there for a moment, looking at his sailor, and lets go. The other woman has disappeared into the night, but he doesn’t care.
“Don’t you realise it hurts her when you do this?” he finds himself saying.
“Do what, sir? Hurt who?”
Buffer’s playing dumb and that only serves to make him more angry.
“Don’t play stupid with me,” he replies.
They stand there in silence, glaring at each other, nose to nose.
“Glad to know I’m not the only one with inappropriate feelings towards a fellow shipmate…sir,” Buffer replies, and suddenly he’s aware that he’s not the only angry person. “But at least I try to hide mine.”
For a moment they stand there, head to head, neither wanting to be the first to leave. Suddenly Buffer’s eyes are focused over his shoulder and he turns around.
She’s standing there, and the glare on her face tells them both that they’ve done the wrong thing.
“X…” Buffer says quietly.
“Just get lost,” she whispers, turning around and leaving.
He sees them the next morning on the bridge and neither of them are talking. They also neglect to acknowledge him as he takes his seat.
Perhaps he would’ve been better off saying nothing.
v.
“No.”
She’s looking at him and her eyes are so focused, not blinking and he knows there’s no way she is leaving the island without Buffer standing by her side. Normally Mike would be with her, he would refuse to leave any man behind but they were under gunfire and they’d serve Buffer better by heading back to the Hammersley and thinking more before they headed back to the island to retrieve him.
“With all due respect, sir, if we go back to the ship now and leave him here he’ll die. There’s no time,” she speaks quietly but sternly, and he can hear her trying to push away the shakiness that's vaguely present in her voice.
“Kate, you’re not thinking rationally,” he replies.
She stands there for a moment, her eyes glaring so hard he's worried she might burn a hole through him.
“You go, sir, I’m staying.”
He reaches forward and grabs her arm. “You are not staying here alone, our best chances of saving Buffer are to head back to the ship, figure out a plan of attack and wait for back-up.”
She glares at him one last time, before grabbing her weapon and turning and heading back for the forest.
Mike glances back at the RHIB and then at Kate. He can’t let her walk off into the jungle full of armed rebels by herself but he also knows there’s no way she’ll leave the island without Buffer.
It stings a little because he knows why she’s doing it, but he’s also aware that that he can’t go with her, one of them has to be back on the ship.
“Spider,” he calls out.
Spider jumps off the RHIB and makes his way quickly to Mike’s side.
“Yes, sir?”
“Go with her,” he says quietly.
It’s eight hours before he hears from either of them again. Back up arrives within the hour and four more search parties are sent out to the island. It’s not until the fourth one returns that he sees them. Spider, X and Buffer and none of them looking too good.
He drops by to see how Buffer is every couple of hours that evening, aware that if he hadn’t let her go back to find him that he might not even be there anymore. He knows she was right, but she hadn’t been thinking like a Navy Officer. Technically he knew he should reprimand her for it but he wasn’t going to.
He checks Buffer one last time before bed and she’s there, by his side. He knows she’s exhausted but he can’t help but feel his insides turn inside out as he notices tears in her eyes. Walking into the room without thinking he shuts the door behind him.
She seems startled at someone else’s presence and stands up quickly, wiping the wetness from her eyes.
“He’ll be OK,” Mike whispers. “Swain says he’ll be fine, he just needs rest…”
She nods. “Yes, sir.”
He can’t stop himself as he places his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. He wants her to be happy, more than anything, and the thing that hurts him the most is that he’s not the one who can do that for her anymore.
vi.
It’s her birthday and he makes sure he’s there first. Or at least he thinks he’s first until Buffer answers the door. He appears to be a few drinks down already and he smiles and puts an arm around Mike, dragging him into the living room.
“X, the boss is here!” Buffer declares, smiling at Mike one more time before dropping onto the couch.
She appears from the hallway and smiles nervously. He knows what she’s thinking, why did it have to be them who turned up first?
He wonders how long Buffer has been there but decies it's better not to think anything more of it.
They were all professionals…
Right?
It’s not long before the rest of the crew, and a few people he doesn’t know, turn up. And it’s even less time before they’ve all had too much to drink.
He finds himself standing outside, needing a break from the loud music and constant laughter.
“Not in the mood for a party, sir?”
He turns to find Buffer standing behind him, a beer in his hand, but considerably more sober than most of the guests. Mike shrugs.
“I guess I’m getting old,” he smiles and leans against the railing of the verandah.
Buffer leans against the railing next to him and they both look back inside at the party. She’s dancing with Charge, and he appears to be attempting to teach her some form of dance move that neither of them are particularly good at. Mike finds himself smiling slightly and turns to look at Buffer.
He’s not smiling, in fact quite the opposite.
“Sir, I wanted to tell you first…” Buffer pauses and takes a sip of his beer. “I’ve applied for a transfer. As soon as it's approved I'll no longer be serving on the Hammersley.”
“I’m very sad to hear that, Buffer,” Mike replies, instinctively. “You’ve been a very valuable member of the crew…”
He wants to ask why, he wants to ask where and when. And professionally he wants to ask him to stay. But he does none of those things. Because deep down he knows the answer to the first question and that’s enough for him not to care about the rest.
“Does she know?” he asks.
Buffer shakes his head. “And I’d prefer to keep it that way for now…”
“Of course.”
They stand there in silence for a good ten minutes before making their way back inside and as he closes the door behind him and catches her eye he realises maybe he’s made a mistake by not taking that land promotion.
vii.
He watches as they depart the RHIB and head back inside the boat, something’s changed between them, he can tell instantly, and he wonders if she finally knows about the transfer. For the next few hours he watches them interact - or more to the point - not interact at all.
The silence is almost too much for him to bear and it seems like everyone who had been on the island with them knows something he doesn’t.
It’s not until he wanders past Swain and Charge talking later that he understands.
“She blew up at him, it was as though he’d told her he’d put a bomb on the RHIB and we’d never get off the island or something,” Charge was explaining. “From what Spider tells me all that he said was that he was transferring and she started yelling at him about not respecting the ship and the crew and the CO and the second she mentioned him...well then it was Buffer’s turn to blow up.”
“Saying what?” Swain asks.
“Something about some night on foreign shores and the X and CO out for a walk and ran into Buffer…no idea what that was about, but it sounded suss.”
That was all Mike needed to hear. Suddenly he realises it’s not her fault that Buffer is leaving the ship, its his irrational behaviour that’s made the whole situation awkward and he wonders if it’s too late to change that.
He never meant for his personal feelings to get in the way like this and he realises he has less control over them than he thinks he does.
viii.
He watches from the shore as Buffer salutes the Hammersley one last time and he feels a sinking feeling in his stomach. He’s going to miss him, as a crew member and as something vaguely resembling a friend.
And then he’s reminded of what he won’t miss as he sees her approaching.
They don’t touch, they don’t smile, for a moment they just standing there. And then he salutes her.
She returns the salute and they both let their arms fall to their sides.
He doesn’t want to spy but he can’t seem to drag his eyes away from them. He knows right at this moment that they can have what he and Kate still can’t and that hurts, but at the same time he wants her to be happy and if that's what she wants he'll just have to learn to live with it.
Yet somehow what he’s seeing before him seems more like a goodbye than any sort of celebration.
And then Buffer takes a few steps closer to her, stepping off the Hammersley’s ramp onto the shore for the last time.
“We’ll miss you,” she finally speaks, and Mike has to strain to hear them.
“Yeah,” he replies, his eyes never leaving hers.
They stand in silence for a moment, her eyes flickering to the ground and back up at Buffer’s, neither of them seeming to notice Mike standing so close.
“I’ll miss you,” she breaks the silence with a bare whisper and Mike can see all the emotions he wishes he was feeling running through Buffer’s eyes.
“I know,” he whispers back.
They’re not touching but they might as well be for all the tension that’s in the air and again Mike feels guilty for watching them.
“I’ve checked out my replacement, he’ll do his job as well as me,” he continues.
“I’m sure he will,” she replies, standing up slightly straighter, a sign Mike recognizes as her pretending everything is OK when it’s really not. “It’s been an honour serving with you, Buffer.”
“The same to you, X.”
And with that it’s over, Buffer grabs his bags and gets into the nearest cab, leaving Kate standing alone by the Hammersley. Finally she notices him standing there and heads towards him, and when she gets there he notices how she’s breathing very rhythmically, and clearly. Trying to suppress her emotions.
“Drink?” he suggests.
“Yeah,” she replies. “Sounds good.”
At least for now she’s there, but he realises that she won’t always be. That things can change quickly and that at any moment either of them could end up with someone else. That for all he knew she was already secretly seeing somebody else.
And he knows if he wants anything to ever happen between them something is going to have to change. Because if you wait for something, it’ll never happen.