If clouds are for dreamers then whom are stars for?
There seem to be menacing clouds of loneliness following me around. Luckily I've got an interview tomorrow morning, riveting yes I know. I got a haircut for this sole reason and what do you know? They didn't get it right lol. The silly thing about it is that my conversation with the girl cutting my hair was about previous haircut mishaps.
(Well no matter what hair I now have I managed to get a 2nd interview in a couple of days. )
The other day a friend I used to date left me a comment on facebook. She mentioned that her and other friends we have in common were talking about me. She said it was only "good stuff" however there's some pretty embarrassing stories about me she knows about. For instance, Senior year in high school I helped a friend ask her to prom by suggesting he do a candle lit shenanigan. Of course I was there for the whole thing to help but then I was wishing it was me but I didnt know I felt that way about her until then. Then right after highschool I showed up to her beauty pageant thing and made my friends come along to cheer her on since no one was going to be there to support her. From there we dated for 3 months but now to the embarrassing stuff. I didnt have a license or car so she drove us on dates GRRR. That just felt and I still feel wrong about that haha. Then when we went our separate ways because of school and her being Korean so her mom had a problem with me being a Mexican. Being my first time in anything remotely close to a relationship I got all depressed and wrote a lot of melancholic poetry. Simply put I couldnt let go but with time I did.
Less than 4 years later, I look back at me VS. relationships/girls. I've only had one real gf and that lasted a year. That one hurt but it was my fault for not communicating to her and not opening up enough. After that I never gave an ounce of a though to "hooking up" or dating anyone. Not because I couldnt get over her, but it was the fact that I KNEW I wasnt ready to be a good companion to anyone. Sure im eager to love someone and open up, but when I look at me at this point in my life; I have no money, and when school starts ill have no time. Yet, I do have the heart for it. This year I tried dating an older girl but she ended up not working out.
On my trip to Germany I meet a girl I finally feel is worth getting to know or the risk. However, she's from Idaho and in a complicated relationship(on and off with some marine). The more we saw each other the more fun we had and I even uncharacteristically spent a very passionate night with her. No sex, so yes I am STILL a virgin haha nothing to be proud of but im not afraid to admit it. Last day in Germany and she leaves me a note explaning how much fun she had with me and that im such a sincere, caring guy and maybe we'd see each other if she visited California. I highly doubt it but it was very sweet of her and she probably felt obligated because I left her a bag of her favorite gummy bears I bought in Germany haha. At least from what ive heard from her recently I might have done some good. Think she realized the guy she was with wasnt worth the pain and she saw that there are better guys out there for her. I know that doesnt include me but im glad I could help.
So...im left a bit perplexed because these experiences cause me to be a tad pessimistic about love but this heart of mine says otherwise.
I used to be the guy that made giant valentines day cards or a dozen hand made roses(such a bitch to make) for a girl he cares about and listens to what she has to say because he sincerely cares. I want to be that guy again. The kind of love im looking for is something like this:
"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."
-Meet Joe Black
Thats a great movie if you've never seen it give it a shot. I don't mind the wait. I just hope I don't have to wait too long to meet someone again. I think I will follow my friends advice and stop meeting interesting girls when I travel haha.
(Well no matter what hair I now have I managed to get a 2nd interview in a couple of days. )
The other day a friend I used to date left me a comment on facebook. She mentioned that her and other friends we have in common were talking about me. She said it was only "good stuff" however there's some pretty embarrassing stories about me she knows about. For instance, Senior year in high school I helped a friend ask her to prom by suggesting he do a candle lit shenanigan. Of course I was there for the whole thing to help but then I was wishing it was me but I didnt know I felt that way about her until then. Then right after highschool I showed up to her beauty pageant thing and made my friends come along to cheer her on since no one was going to be there to support her. From there we dated for 3 months but now to the embarrassing stuff. I didnt have a license or car so she drove us on dates GRRR. That just felt and I still feel wrong about that haha. Then when we went our separate ways because of school and her being Korean so her mom had a problem with me being a Mexican. Being my first time in anything remotely close to a relationship I got all depressed and wrote a lot of melancholic poetry. Simply put I couldnt let go but with time I did.
Less than 4 years later, I look back at me VS. relationships/girls. I've only had one real gf and that lasted a year. That one hurt but it was my fault for not communicating to her and not opening up enough. After that I never gave an ounce of a though to "hooking up" or dating anyone. Not because I couldnt get over her, but it was the fact that I KNEW I wasnt ready to be a good companion to anyone. Sure im eager to love someone and open up, but when I look at me at this point in my life; I have no money, and when school starts ill have no time. Yet, I do have the heart for it. This year I tried dating an older girl but she ended up not working out.
On my trip to Germany I meet a girl I finally feel is worth getting to know or the risk. However, she's from Idaho and in a complicated relationship(on and off with some marine). The more we saw each other the more fun we had and I even uncharacteristically spent a very passionate night with her. No sex, so yes I am STILL a virgin haha nothing to be proud of but im not afraid to admit it. Last day in Germany and she leaves me a note explaning how much fun she had with me and that im such a sincere, caring guy and maybe we'd see each other if she visited California. I highly doubt it but it was very sweet of her and she probably felt obligated because I left her a bag of her favorite gummy bears I bought in Germany haha. At least from what ive heard from her recently I might have done some good. Think she realized the guy she was with wasnt worth the pain and she saw that there are better guys out there for her. I know that doesnt include me but im glad I could help.
So...im left a bit perplexed because these experiences cause me to be a tad pessimistic about love but this heart of mine says otherwise.
I used to be the guy that made giant valentines day cards or a dozen hand made roses(such a bitch to make) for a girl he cares about and listens to what she has to say because he sincerely cares. I want to be that guy again. The kind of love im looking for is something like this:
"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."
-Meet Joe Black
Thats a great movie if you've never seen it give it a shot. I don't mind the wait. I just hope I don't have to wait too long to meet someone again. I think I will follow my friends advice and stop meeting interesting girls when I travel haha.