{ Love Juice } Chapter One c:
Oranges and subtle reds filled the sky as I walked down the quiet sidewalk, the sound of the ‘click clapping’ of my heels digging uncomfortably into my feet almost mocking me. I may have been walking rather quickly-to the point I wondered idly if I would trip-but my thoughts were racing in my mind as the adrenaline in my blood ran. I was angry. He had been angry. I was thick for leaving the house this early; it was dangerous for me walking out in public like this.
Don’t be too disappointed in me mom.
He had screamed at me, shoved me against the wall. His words fresh in my mind as I huffed out a breath of air, noticing the street was pretty dead.
‘Shou, you’re losing your sex appeal; soon you’re going to have to fuck me for food.’
I couldn’t believe that he had said that, the man that had vowed to protect me, the man who had given me a home and a job-even though it was what it was, the job had it’s perks-and he had never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to.
Ruki.
In my eyes, he had been my savior. He had been this beautiful angel that had saved me from my mind all those years ago and I couldn’t believe that he had said those words. Even though I was disgusting, even though I did things to men for money, he still was there. Even though the money I earned always ended in his hands, it had been bearable with him there. He filled the void.
But now, he had shown his true side, his angry jealous filled personality had almost destroyed that image in my head. I was his favorite. It had been Ruki that had shaped me though, he had convinced me to let my hair grow, to bleach my once dark hair, to wax my legs and underarms in order to gain even more clients.
One thing he had always forbidden however was the idea of me was having sex with a man, which was strange because he had been the one to suggest prostitution in the first place. The solution to this was my own creation, something I had cooked up in the kitchen with a close friend of his who was drugged out most of time, the only time he ever acknowledged me was when his hands wouldn’t stop shaking long enough to carefully mix chemicals together, so I had learned then to how to make his favorite brand of drugs.
Love juice
A strange flavorless and odorless powder that I would mix into the drinks of my victims or clients as soon as we got to the part where they want to shove their dicks into places I wasn’t comfortable with. Shockingly enough I was still a virgin. It was insane on how these men, fathers, business men, even the occasional police officer who wouldn’t even try to hide their shame, thought that I was brought into this world to crawl on my knees and suck cock. I would drug them and steal from them, taking expensive watches and any money I could find, leaving them there to wake up with a hard-on and a confused and worried spouse fretting about the stolen things.
With that thought hanging in my mind, I looked around.
Crossing the street I passed by an alley way and I didn't listen to the sudden cat calls I heard. I shrugged them off, walking past the opening. It wasn’t until pairs of hands gripped my coat and arms; I was shoved into the alley way, my heels making me trip and fall on the floor, scraping my exposed knees.
I didn’t have time to get up as my hair was pulled back; my arms were held behind my back as a man appeared in my vision. He chuckled darkly and I felt discomfort as he breathed on my face.
“This one is pretty boss.” I heard one of them say, the feeling of the brick wall against my head as I was throw against it made my head spin.
“She’s mine-“I felt hands grope my chest, making me shove against the tight grip on my arms, restraining. Then I felt those hands apply more pressure, and then I knew he had realized what he caught.
“It’s a fucking boy!” He hissed, striking my chest harshly. I shouted in pain as the ugly overweight gang member slapped me. They began to beat me, throwing me against the ground as one of them suddenly stripped me of my thin coat. Too many of them, too many punches and kicks for me to fight back, I tried to protect the thing that really made me money-my face. Dirty fingers went into my hair and one of them shoved my face into their crotch, making struggle against the tight hold as I tried to turn away.
“Wait-maybe we can have more fun with this one-“Tears overflowed in my eyes as someone began pulling down my skimpy shorts down, their fingers finding their way to my virgin entrance before they proceeded to shove them in. There was a pause and I could hear my heart in my ears as I felt a stinging pain of multiple fingers being inserted and I fought hard against them. Fingernails digging into my skin and I shouted in pain.
“Okay-“A voice slurred and heavy. “First I’ll fuck him-“I felt a hard slap on my exposed skin. “Then you and you.” They laughed, they laughed.
This was a fucking social gathering.
“You’re going to like it slut, so take it while I pretend you’re a girl-“
The sound of skin meeting skin became obvious in my ears and the start of a fight broke out, I was pushed down into the cold wet ground and I cradled my head in my hands. Wishing someone could just kill me already. Muffled shouts and grunts were heard and I tried to look up but I feared being kicked in the face as I heard the sound of footsteps racing next to me.
Then it became silent.
My labored breath became apparent and I slowly started to move. The sound of footsteps made me freeze and the calloused hand reached out to help me up, cautious of actually touching me. With a shame written face I pulled up my shorts and proceeded to look around for my coat when I noticed he had already had it open for me.
Nervously I edged myself into it before I stood correctly to stare at the man who had scared off the men away. I felt my breath catch as I stared at him; I had expected someone large and freighting. I didn’t expect a man of the same stature of mine. He wore a grey almost metallic fitted suit, it was open and it had a casual feel to it. He had this stunning broad nose that enhanced the man’s beautiful soft narrowed eyes, complimenting his petal looking lips which were set in a frown. He had shoulder length dark brown hair that made his overall look glow. He was gorgeous beyond compare and if it had been another situation, I would have been glad to have stumbled across such a creature. I had expected him to leave, but I didn’t expect his eyes to bore into my face, to scan my features.
“Thank-k you.” I whispered, my voice cracked and I glared at the man’s shoes as he seemed to ignore me, he was still staring.
Then that’s when it hit me, and I felt fear, shame and surprise seep into my insides as I realized who had saved me and who was standing before me. Before I could say anything, before I could run away and hide forever, he spoke first.
“Shou-u? Is-s that you?” His voice un-steady as he studied my face closely and I took a step back, breathing becoming a hassle for me at that moment.
What could I say?
“Saga?” That name tasted so wonderful on my lips, after so many years of avoiding it, it rolled off my tongue easily as he seemed to respond to it. He suddenly smiled and I felt my heart flutter, feeling like I was a teenager again. There stood, my old best friend from high school. The man that made my skin tingle with goose bumps and heart jump, the man I had left behind that day.
He hurriedly wrapped his arms around me and I stared at the sky, wondering if this was real. Wasn’t he embarrassed to be embracing a prostitute in public like this? I guess he didn’t care since he didn’t want to let me go just yet, feeling rather uncomfortable, I tried to push him away.
“You came back Shou, I knew you were alive, I knew it.”
-
I held the cup of tea in my hands, warming them up as Saga served himself before settling back into the leather couch. The awkward silence in Saga’s living room was beginning to make me crazy. I thought about leaving and going back to Ruki, I really should be leaving soon. But this was too precious; it was too amazing to leave. I shouldn’t be here.
“I’m glad you’re back, everyone was convinced you had…” Saga looked away and his troubled face made me cringe, I realized I still had family if he even counted as family.
I watched out of the corner of my eyes as Saga placed his tea back on the coffee table.
“Why do you refuse to go to the police about this? I’m sure that with-“
“No.”
I really shouldn’t be here, I should be getting back soon.
He seemed to be displeased with my answer and he started again, obviously not understanding that I couldn’t even go near a police man, what if someone recognized me? I could get arrested.
“Shou! You should get help! You should-“I watched as he neared me again and I set my cup of tea back unto the table as well before turning to face the babbling man that used to be my best friend.
“No, Saga, I’m not worth this. I’m not worth anything.
“Anything? Shou you are worth everything.”
That’s what I wanted to hear coming from my old friend’s lips. That’s why I was trying to get his pity, to feel some type of romantic gesture from him. But alas my prayers never get answered and my heart sunk deeply into the empty pits of my stomach.
“You’re worth what you deserve Shou, you deserve to get help.”
I then got angry, was he thinking that I wasn’t well off? I lived with Ruki in a not-too-shabby country house outside of the city. He let some of his favorites reside there, including I who was usually strutting around the house in shorts, sucking on a carton of soymilk. Ruki took decent care of me, he only ever got demanding when he didn’t get sex, which was every now and then.
I had Ruki to thank, for saving me.
“Help? Who do you think you’re talking to? I’m not poor nor am I a fucking charity case!” I said angrily, remembering that night, the darkest and coldest night of my life.
A young man climbed unto the ledge of the tall shiny building, his eyes glistening with shedding tears. A student, fresh out of high school, who was gripping the stone under him, his eyes set straight on the busy streets below.
Why was he here? What was he doing here?
He began to sob, remembering the soft voice of his late mother. That voice cutting his back and face. That voice haunting him, speaking words of love and affection. Affection he’ll no longer receive. His mother was dead and his friends were leaving him behind. How could he live on knowing that everyone forgot about him? How could he live knowing that no one really cared? And that the only one that did care now died?
His life was a mess, he didn’t even get to apply for collage for he had to prepare a funeral, he couldn’t look at his father in the eye for it was Shou’s fault that his mother failed to see that truck coming her way, of course. The only person Shou even dared to think about to save him from insanity was his best-friend, who was fucking some chick in the bathroom as he stood there. His best-friend and the object of his old daydreams…
His legs began to shake as he stood on the ledge.
Just a few more centimeters, just a few and he’d die. Leaving this earth, ridding the world of his colorful existence and ripping those tender ties he once had with his family.
“Hey!”
He cringed and stumbled, a hand gripping his forearm. He fell back into the safe haven of the roof-top. He struggled as the other wrapped his arms around him, locking him in place.
“Let me go!”
“No!”
They fought and the boy screamed obscenities making the man cover his mouth with a warm small hand. As the young teenager fought against him, he noticed the sky was grey; everything was silent except the sounds of honking cars below them.
The man smirked and breathed heavily, the boy later noted that he smelled like cigarettes.
“Fuck kid, what’s your name?” The man loosened his grip just by a tiny bit.
“Why do you care?”
“I saved you from becoming a pile of shit on the side-walk, I’d appreciate a name.”
“What’s your name then?” The boy asked, his voice becoming low, his body relaxing into this strangers strong embrace, this was the most affection he’s had since his mother died, not including the fake pats on the back and pity filled haft hugs. No one knew what to say to him.
“Hmm, well kid I could tell you but I would need to know yours first.” The man whispered his lips dangerously close to the other’s ear.
“It’s Sho-u.” He whispered meekly.
He felt the other shift and release him. He got up and he stared at the rather striking man that just may have saved his life. The man which had saved him from himself and Shou thanked him, noting that the man never stopped eyeing him.
“Why would you try to do that?”
Shou knew what he meant and he just sighed heavily.
“It’s…just…horrible, my mom just died and I’ve been having such a hard time-“
“Oh, I guess, I can’t deal with emotional stuff, well kid I’ve got clients waiting.” The other said, lighting a cigarette.
He turned and Shou shockingly reached out, this was the first time someone didn’t pity him or wasn’t pretending they didn’t know his situation, he wanted to hold onto that. He needed to hold onto that.
“Wait-“Shou gripped the man’s cashmere maroon sweater. “What’s your name, I didn’t even thank you for you know…” He looked off at the side, feeling embarrassed for being caught in such a weak moment by someone so stunning.
“Oh, I’m Ruki babe; you can thank me by joining me for a drink.”
Soon, my life began to dwindle and the only person I ever talked to was Ruki, and when I couldn’t even pay my rent anymore, Ruki offered a deal that I wished I hadn’t have taken. Free housing and food in exchange for my virginity, even though I swore I would never sleep with him. Ruki insisted on the whole money deal, where if I made enough, he could get me hooked up and I could become a singer, finally being able to live my true passion.
After I decided to live with him, I cut off all ties from my family and friends, never looking back. Until now when, the person I had spent days crying over and the person I thought I would never be able to see again, my best-friend.
There he sat with a shocked expression; he wasn’t used to me cursing.
“Sorry, Saga, i-I’m just shaken up…” I lied, I was used to being treated roughly and even though I was a virgin, I’ve gone far enough to not be shocked from the treatment I had gotten.
He seemed to buy it because there he was, sitting next to me, wrapping his arms around me.
“There, Shou, do you want anything?”
I thought for a minute, my puffy eyes narrowing in concentration. Then I almost smiled.
“Can-n I use your shower, I feel so…disgusting, I can’t stand it.” I whispered in a broken voice, he was buying everything I was saying wasn’t he? He must have because he quickly nodded and took my hand with out hesitation and showed me to what I assumed to be his bedroom.
I knew where everything was, it all just looked differently, Saga never ceased to remain constant in these factors.
Saga’s taste had changed over the years, this I had noticed immediately upon seeing his bed spread and walls. Where once he had taped or stapled posters of pale made-up old bands and feminine males stained his walls, there were only three large framed pictures of photography; it matched the black and white sheets, which used to be bright sky blue with eye burning orange pillows.
He must have caught me staring because his voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Uh, yeah I know it’s different, I’m different too you know.”
I only turned to look at him and shrug, pretending like that wasn’t pointed to me. He ransacked a dark mahogany dresser, piling clothes onto his right arm.
“Here, I have um, well I can lend you this, although they might be a little off on the size for you but It’ll work while we get your clothes cleaned.”
I thanked him and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
Even though the bathroom was plain and kinda beige, I liked the simple theme Saga was trying to live in. It was odd seeing the un-attainable heart-throb player from high school living what seemed like such a boring life.
I stared at myself in the mirror, my makeup was smeared and ugly, and my left cheek was already showing the signs of a nasty bruise while my skin surrounding my nose was red. My hair was greasy and way too damn long but I was growing it out for more clients. Silence seeped into my body as I began to take off my clothes, bruises decorating my soft pale skin. I felt sick and disgusted when I saw blood stains on my pants and underwear, my heart sinking a little. I turned around to see what damaged I had gotten and was shocked to see so many red marks. I flinched as I moved, I touched my abused face. My skin turned even redder as I scrubbed and scrubbed the fact of the near rape sinking in my pores, tainting me with those ugly words. I felt sick, the bile rising in my throat to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I vomited.
When I finally got out of the shower, the smell of home-cooked food filled the air and I realized I was hungry. I walked into the kitchen barefoot, with my arms crossed, trying to warm up. The shirt that Saga had lent me should have helped, since it was flannel, but my body shivered as I tried to come up with something to say.
Saga turned to look at me, a familiar smile gracing his features.
Wordlessly he turned and pointed to the front of his living room.
“Go, I have some black slippers there that you can wear to warm up your feet.” That kind of caught me by surprise, but never the less I slowly walked towards there, slipping my feet into the sweet warmth of dark cotton.
Then I found my way to the sofa, sitting down gently before staring at the screen of the other’s TV. Some sitcom was playing; a girl dramatically threw herself on the bed, shrieking about some stupid plot line. My hair curled since I didn’t bother to dry it, and my skin burned, it longed to be touched by the person in the next room.
I brought my knees to my chest, my chin resting on them as I stared at the TV with a blank expression.
I felt the weight on the sofa change and I looked over to the side, watching as Saga placed two bowls of hot food on the coffee table. I turned and stared at the clock, my stomach rumbling. I sighed, coughing a little before turning to look at the man.
“It’s past seven, I can’t eat past seven pm, I’m sorry for the trouble.”
Saga raised an eyebrow, staring at me; I could tell he was trying to think of a question.
“I can’t gain weight.”
“Oh.” Was all Saga could say before he gripped his bowl and started feeding himself.
“Suit yourself then.”
I sighed again, my voice stuck in my throat as it got even more awkward by the minute. This was such an odd predicament, there I was, sitting in the living room of a stranger’s house, wearing his clothes and tempting to eat his food. Ruki would shit bricks. It was already five until it was nine and Saga was almost done eating.
My stomach growled loudly and I blushed as Saga turned to look at me, he chuckled and smiled.
I didn’t even have to ask as he passed me the bowl of Gyūdon and even though it was chilled, it was delicious as I started eating it. It was so mouth-watering; I couldn’t keep my groans of delight. I then realized Saga’s face was one of being un-comfortable and I apologized.
“This is delicious Saga; I can’t remember the last time you cooked so well.”
We laughed and eventually we got comfortable around each other again, I was sitting on the couch, facing the now relaxed brunette with my feet in his lap, the slippers dangling off. Saga casually started rubbing my bruised ankles. I smiled and continued with our conversation.
“So how have you been Saga, tell me about the four years since I’ve been gone.” My voice laced with a hint of bitterness.
I rested my head against my palm as he told me about his graphic design career, telling about his recent boost in sales from the bass design he released. Every time, I could see Saga’s eyes shine when he started talking about basses. That reminded me of the sparkling sky blue one he used to have, the one I signed with my name because he said it reminded him of me.
We got closer, I noticed, since his hands were now caressing my knees and our smiling faces where close.
I missed this. My heart was pounding harshly in my rib cage; my eyes were brimming with tears.
Saga’s face fell and he stared at my face in mild horror as the tears fell.
My friend, my best friend, he wiped my tears away, wrapping his arms around me.
I began to cry, sobbing excuses and apologies as I wrapped my thin arms around his chest. My heart breaking as he tried to comfort me. No one really knows how to comfort anyone. I sobbed into my friend’s chest.
My friend.
“I missed, I missed everything.”
-
Don’t be too disappointed in me mom.
He had screamed at me, shoved me against the wall. His words fresh in my mind as I huffed out a breath of air, noticing the street was pretty dead.
‘Shou, you’re losing your sex appeal; soon you’re going to have to fuck me for food.’
I couldn’t believe that he had said that, the man that had vowed to protect me, the man who had given me a home and a job-even though it was what it was, the job had it’s perks-and he had never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to.
Ruki.
In my eyes, he had been my savior. He had been this beautiful angel that had saved me from my mind all those years ago and I couldn’t believe that he had said those words. Even though I was disgusting, even though I did things to men for money, he still was there. Even though the money I earned always ended in his hands, it had been bearable with him there. He filled the void.
But now, he had shown his true side, his angry jealous filled personality had almost destroyed that image in my head. I was his favorite. It had been Ruki that had shaped me though, he had convinced me to let my hair grow, to bleach my once dark hair, to wax my legs and underarms in order to gain even more clients.
One thing he had always forbidden however was the idea of me was having sex with a man, which was strange because he had been the one to suggest prostitution in the first place. The solution to this was my own creation, something I had cooked up in the kitchen with a close friend of his who was drugged out most of time, the only time he ever acknowledged me was when his hands wouldn’t stop shaking long enough to carefully mix chemicals together, so I had learned then to how to make his favorite brand of drugs.
Love juice
A strange flavorless and odorless powder that I would mix into the drinks of my victims or clients as soon as we got to the part where they want to shove their dicks into places I wasn’t comfortable with. Shockingly enough I was still a virgin. It was insane on how these men, fathers, business men, even the occasional police officer who wouldn’t even try to hide their shame, thought that I was brought into this world to crawl on my knees and suck cock. I would drug them and steal from them, taking expensive watches and any money I could find, leaving them there to wake up with a hard-on and a confused and worried spouse fretting about the stolen things.
With that thought hanging in my mind, I looked around.
Crossing the street I passed by an alley way and I didn't listen to the sudden cat calls I heard. I shrugged them off, walking past the opening. It wasn’t until pairs of hands gripped my coat and arms; I was shoved into the alley way, my heels making me trip and fall on the floor, scraping my exposed knees.
I didn’t have time to get up as my hair was pulled back; my arms were held behind my back as a man appeared in my vision. He chuckled darkly and I felt discomfort as he breathed on my face.
“This one is pretty boss.” I heard one of them say, the feeling of the brick wall against my head as I was throw against it made my head spin.
“She’s mine-“I felt hands grope my chest, making me shove against the tight grip on my arms, restraining. Then I felt those hands apply more pressure, and then I knew he had realized what he caught.
“It’s a fucking boy!” He hissed, striking my chest harshly. I shouted in pain as the ugly overweight gang member slapped me. They began to beat me, throwing me against the ground as one of them suddenly stripped me of my thin coat. Too many of them, too many punches and kicks for me to fight back, I tried to protect the thing that really made me money-my face. Dirty fingers went into my hair and one of them shoved my face into their crotch, making struggle against the tight hold as I tried to turn away.
“Wait-maybe we can have more fun with this one-“Tears overflowed in my eyes as someone began pulling down my skimpy shorts down, their fingers finding their way to my virgin entrance before they proceeded to shove them in. There was a pause and I could hear my heart in my ears as I felt a stinging pain of multiple fingers being inserted and I fought hard against them. Fingernails digging into my skin and I shouted in pain.
“Okay-“A voice slurred and heavy. “First I’ll fuck him-“I felt a hard slap on my exposed skin. “Then you and you.” They laughed, they laughed.
This was a fucking social gathering.
“You’re going to like it slut, so take it while I pretend you’re a girl-“
The sound of skin meeting skin became obvious in my ears and the start of a fight broke out, I was pushed down into the cold wet ground and I cradled my head in my hands. Wishing someone could just kill me already. Muffled shouts and grunts were heard and I tried to look up but I feared being kicked in the face as I heard the sound of footsteps racing next to me.
Then it became silent.
My labored breath became apparent and I slowly started to move. The sound of footsteps made me freeze and the calloused hand reached out to help me up, cautious of actually touching me. With a shame written face I pulled up my shorts and proceeded to look around for my coat when I noticed he had already had it open for me.
Nervously I edged myself into it before I stood correctly to stare at the man who had scared off the men away. I felt my breath catch as I stared at him; I had expected someone large and freighting. I didn’t expect a man of the same stature of mine. He wore a grey almost metallic fitted suit, it was open and it had a casual feel to it. He had this stunning broad nose that enhanced the man’s beautiful soft narrowed eyes, complimenting his petal looking lips which were set in a frown. He had shoulder length dark brown hair that made his overall look glow. He was gorgeous beyond compare and if it had been another situation, I would have been glad to have stumbled across such a creature. I had expected him to leave, but I didn’t expect his eyes to bore into my face, to scan my features.
“Thank-k you.” I whispered, my voice cracked and I glared at the man’s shoes as he seemed to ignore me, he was still staring.
Then that’s when it hit me, and I felt fear, shame and surprise seep into my insides as I realized who had saved me and who was standing before me. Before I could say anything, before I could run away and hide forever, he spoke first.
“Shou-u? Is-s that you?” His voice un-steady as he studied my face closely and I took a step back, breathing becoming a hassle for me at that moment.
What could I say?
“Saga?” That name tasted so wonderful on my lips, after so many years of avoiding it, it rolled off my tongue easily as he seemed to respond to it. He suddenly smiled and I felt my heart flutter, feeling like I was a teenager again. There stood, my old best friend from high school. The man that made my skin tingle with goose bumps and heart jump, the man I had left behind that day.
He hurriedly wrapped his arms around me and I stared at the sky, wondering if this was real. Wasn’t he embarrassed to be embracing a prostitute in public like this? I guess he didn’t care since he didn’t want to let me go just yet, feeling rather uncomfortable, I tried to push him away.
“You came back Shou, I knew you were alive, I knew it.”
-
I held the cup of tea in my hands, warming them up as Saga served himself before settling back into the leather couch. The awkward silence in Saga’s living room was beginning to make me crazy. I thought about leaving and going back to Ruki, I really should be leaving soon. But this was too precious; it was too amazing to leave. I shouldn’t be here.
“I’m glad you’re back, everyone was convinced you had…” Saga looked away and his troubled face made me cringe, I realized I still had family if he even counted as family.
I watched out of the corner of my eyes as Saga placed his tea back on the coffee table.
“Why do you refuse to go to the police about this? I’m sure that with-“
“No.”
I really shouldn’t be here, I should be getting back soon.
He seemed to be displeased with my answer and he started again, obviously not understanding that I couldn’t even go near a police man, what if someone recognized me? I could get arrested.
“Shou! You should get help! You should-“I watched as he neared me again and I set my cup of tea back unto the table as well before turning to face the babbling man that used to be my best friend.
“No, Saga, I’m not worth this. I’m not worth anything.
“Anything? Shou you are worth everything.”
That’s what I wanted to hear coming from my old friend’s lips. That’s why I was trying to get his pity, to feel some type of romantic gesture from him. But alas my prayers never get answered and my heart sunk deeply into the empty pits of my stomach.
“You’re worth what you deserve Shou, you deserve to get help.”
I then got angry, was he thinking that I wasn’t well off? I lived with Ruki in a not-too-shabby country house outside of the city. He let some of his favorites reside there, including I who was usually strutting around the house in shorts, sucking on a carton of soymilk. Ruki took decent care of me, he only ever got demanding when he didn’t get sex, which was every now and then.
I had Ruki to thank, for saving me.
“Help? Who do you think you’re talking to? I’m not poor nor am I a fucking charity case!” I said angrily, remembering that night, the darkest and coldest night of my life.
A young man climbed unto the ledge of the tall shiny building, his eyes glistening with shedding tears. A student, fresh out of high school, who was gripping the stone under him, his eyes set straight on the busy streets below.
Why was he here? What was he doing here?
He began to sob, remembering the soft voice of his late mother. That voice cutting his back and face. That voice haunting him, speaking words of love and affection. Affection he’ll no longer receive. His mother was dead and his friends were leaving him behind. How could he live on knowing that everyone forgot about him? How could he live knowing that no one really cared? And that the only one that did care now died?
His life was a mess, he didn’t even get to apply for collage for he had to prepare a funeral, he couldn’t look at his father in the eye for it was Shou’s fault that his mother failed to see that truck coming her way, of course. The only person Shou even dared to think about to save him from insanity was his best-friend, who was fucking some chick in the bathroom as he stood there. His best-friend and the object of his old daydreams…
His legs began to shake as he stood on the ledge.
Just a few more centimeters, just a few and he’d die. Leaving this earth, ridding the world of his colorful existence and ripping those tender ties he once had with his family.
“Hey!”
He cringed and stumbled, a hand gripping his forearm. He fell back into the safe haven of the roof-top. He struggled as the other wrapped his arms around him, locking him in place.
“Let me go!”
“No!”
They fought and the boy screamed obscenities making the man cover his mouth with a warm small hand. As the young teenager fought against him, he noticed the sky was grey; everything was silent except the sounds of honking cars below them.
The man smirked and breathed heavily, the boy later noted that he smelled like cigarettes.
“Fuck kid, what’s your name?” The man loosened his grip just by a tiny bit.
“Why do you care?”
“I saved you from becoming a pile of shit on the side-walk, I’d appreciate a name.”
“What’s your name then?” The boy asked, his voice becoming low, his body relaxing into this strangers strong embrace, this was the most affection he’s had since his mother died, not including the fake pats on the back and pity filled haft hugs. No one knew what to say to him.
“Hmm, well kid I could tell you but I would need to know yours first.” The man whispered his lips dangerously close to the other’s ear.
“It’s Sho-u.” He whispered meekly.
He felt the other shift and release him. He got up and he stared at the rather striking man that just may have saved his life. The man which had saved him from himself and Shou thanked him, noting that the man never stopped eyeing him.
“Why would you try to do that?”
Shou knew what he meant and he just sighed heavily.
“It’s…just…horrible, my mom just died and I’ve been having such a hard time-“
“Oh, I guess, I can’t deal with emotional stuff, well kid I’ve got clients waiting.” The other said, lighting a cigarette.
He turned and Shou shockingly reached out, this was the first time someone didn’t pity him or wasn’t pretending they didn’t know his situation, he wanted to hold onto that. He needed to hold onto that.
“Wait-“Shou gripped the man’s cashmere maroon sweater. “What’s your name, I didn’t even thank you for you know…” He looked off at the side, feeling embarrassed for being caught in such a weak moment by someone so stunning.
“Oh, I’m Ruki babe; you can thank me by joining me for a drink.”
Soon, my life began to dwindle and the only person I ever talked to was Ruki, and when I couldn’t even pay my rent anymore, Ruki offered a deal that I wished I hadn’t have taken. Free housing and food in exchange for my virginity, even though I swore I would never sleep with him. Ruki insisted on the whole money deal, where if I made enough, he could get me hooked up and I could become a singer, finally being able to live my true passion.
After I decided to live with him, I cut off all ties from my family and friends, never looking back. Until now when, the person I had spent days crying over and the person I thought I would never be able to see again, my best-friend.
There he sat with a shocked expression; he wasn’t used to me cursing.
“Sorry, Saga, i-I’m just shaken up…” I lied, I was used to being treated roughly and even though I was a virgin, I’ve gone far enough to not be shocked from the treatment I had gotten.
He seemed to buy it because there he was, sitting next to me, wrapping his arms around me.
“There, Shou, do you want anything?”
I thought for a minute, my puffy eyes narrowing in concentration. Then I almost smiled.
“Can-n I use your shower, I feel so…disgusting, I can’t stand it.” I whispered in a broken voice, he was buying everything I was saying wasn’t he? He must have because he quickly nodded and took my hand with out hesitation and showed me to what I assumed to be his bedroom.
I knew where everything was, it all just looked differently, Saga never ceased to remain constant in these factors.
Saga’s taste had changed over the years, this I had noticed immediately upon seeing his bed spread and walls. Where once he had taped or stapled posters of pale made-up old bands and feminine males stained his walls, there were only three large framed pictures of photography; it matched the black and white sheets, which used to be bright sky blue with eye burning orange pillows.
He must have caught me staring because his voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Uh, yeah I know it’s different, I’m different too you know.”
I only turned to look at him and shrug, pretending like that wasn’t pointed to me. He ransacked a dark mahogany dresser, piling clothes onto his right arm.
“Here, I have um, well I can lend you this, although they might be a little off on the size for you but It’ll work while we get your clothes cleaned.”
I thanked him and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
Even though the bathroom was plain and kinda beige, I liked the simple theme Saga was trying to live in. It was odd seeing the un-attainable heart-throb player from high school living what seemed like such a boring life.
I stared at myself in the mirror, my makeup was smeared and ugly, and my left cheek was already showing the signs of a nasty bruise while my skin surrounding my nose was red. My hair was greasy and way too damn long but I was growing it out for more clients. Silence seeped into my body as I began to take off my clothes, bruises decorating my soft pale skin. I felt sick and disgusted when I saw blood stains on my pants and underwear, my heart sinking a little. I turned around to see what damaged I had gotten and was shocked to see so many red marks. I flinched as I moved, I touched my abused face. My skin turned even redder as I scrubbed and scrubbed the fact of the near rape sinking in my pores, tainting me with those ugly words. I felt sick, the bile rising in my throat to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I vomited.
When I finally got out of the shower, the smell of home-cooked food filled the air and I realized I was hungry. I walked into the kitchen barefoot, with my arms crossed, trying to warm up. The shirt that Saga had lent me should have helped, since it was flannel, but my body shivered as I tried to come up with something to say.
Saga turned to look at me, a familiar smile gracing his features.
Wordlessly he turned and pointed to the front of his living room.
“Go, I have some black slippers there that you can wear to warm up your feet.” That kind of caught me by surprise, but never the less I slowly walked towards there, slipping my feet into the sweet warmth of dark cotton.
Then I found my way to the sofa, sitting down gently before staring at the screen of the other’s TV. Some sitcom was playing; a girl dramatically threw herself on the bed, shrieking about some stupid plot line. My hair curled since I didn’t bother to dry it, and my skin burned, it longed to be touched by the person in the next room.
I brought my knees to my chest, my chin resting on them as I stared at the TV with a blank expression.
I felt the weight on the sofa change and I looked over to the side, watching as Saga placed two bowls of hot food on the coffee table. I turned and stared at the clock, my stomach rumbling. I sighed, coughing a little before turning to look at the man.
“It’s past seven, I can’t eat past seven pm, I’m sorry for the trouble.”
Saga raised an eyebrow, staring at me; I could tell he was trying to think of a question.
“I can’t gain weight.”
“Oh.” Was all Saga could say before he gripped his bowl and started feeding himself.
“Suit yourself then.”
I sighed again, my voice stuck in my throat as it got even more awkward by the minute. This was such an odd predicament, there I was, sitting in the living room of a stranger’s house, wearing his clothes and tempting to eat his food. Ruki would shit bricks. It was already five until it was nine and Saga was almost done eating.
My stomach growled loudly and I blushed as Saga turned to look at me, he chuckled and smiled.
I didn’t even have to ask as he passed me the bowl of Gyūdon and even though it was chilled, it was delicious as I started eating it. It was so mouth-watering; I couldn’t keep my groans of delight. I then realized Saga’s face was one of being un-comfortable and I apologized.
“This is delicious Saga; I can’t remember the last time you cooked so well.”
We laughed and eventually we got comfortable around each other again, I was sitting on the couch, facing the now relaxed brunette with my feet in his lap, the slippers dangling off. Saga casually started rubbing my bruised ankles. I smiled and continued with our conversation.
“So how have you been Saga, tell me about the four years since I’ve been gone.” My voice laced with a hint of bitterness.
I rested my head against my palm as he told me about his graphic design career, telling about his recent boost in sales from the bass design he released. Every time, I could see Saga’s eyes shine when he started talking about basses. That reminded me of the sparkling sky blue one he used to have, the one I signed with my name because he said it reminded him of me.
We got closer, I noticed, since his hands were now caressing my knees and our smiling faces where close.
I missed this. My heart was pounding harshly in my rib cage; my eyes were brimming with tears.
Saga’s face fell and he stared at my face in mild horror as the tears fell.
My friend, my best friend, he wiped my tears away, wrapping his arms around me.
I began to cry, sobbing excuses and apologies as I wrapped my thin arms around his chest. My heart breaking as he tried to comfort me. No one really knows how to comfort anyone. I sobbed into my friend’s chest.
My friend.
“I missed, I missed everything.”
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