(no subject)

Apr 02, 2004 22:44

tonight wasn't bad but wasn't a miracle by anymeans... meg came and picked me up around 6 tonight went to the mall. then to the apt to see Justin. picked up more smokes and found out i had less money then i thought... then went to rocky's and not many people were there but Brandon was there :) and chilled with him. went outside and talked on the phone. and meg got bored and pissed at me so she left (IM SORRY). and Ana couldn't make it out there cuz' her friend or whatever which is cool i guess...

you can move on and not get over somethings. and things still hurt. i just want someone right now. I'm so dependant that i think it makes girls sick. i would say it would make me sick if i were a girl but it wouldn't. i love feeling needed and love feeling wanted. i love feeling like i make someone happy. my chest feels like it's going to explode because i've found i have so much love to give. but where is someoe one when i need them? the only girl it looks like has any true feelings for me is still so far away( literally and figuratively). it hurts so bad to know you are going to be unhappy for a long time. it makes you not want to live anymore. but i want to live i want to be happy. i want a girl who reciprocates the same feeling i have for them. maybe i ask for to much maybe i need to be more like a girl and get in a relationship with a person that just treats me like shit. maybe i was spoiled by my last relationship... maybe it gave me a false sense of reality... what up anymore? whats down? has the ocean turned into the heavens? has the heavens turned into the ocean? i just want to be happy. i want to be in love. i want someone that i care about to call me. i want them to worry about me if i call an hour late. i want to NOT be able to go a day without getting a call from someone i care about. i want someone to tuck me into bed over the phone. it's so cold and lonely in my room tonight because all i see is this girls face who i've been dreaming about. i long to hold her in my arms. but i dont know because she always says she's confused about what she wants which is totally acceptable. after all who really knows what they want?
i don't know what to say anymore... this post isn't because I'm tired. i took a nap today. so why am i feeling this? i guess it's just one of those nights... again... and again...

to the girl i talked to on the phone for 39 minutes and 30 seconds. i want to make you happy. i want to hold you in my arms. i want you to smile because of me. do i ask for to much? probably. but hell i got nothing and everything to lose. so why not try anyways. <3

i dunno what I'm gunna do for the rest of tonight. i guess i'll just lay here and be lonely all alone, cuz' i know you've busy...

~Matt~

i for got to say girls = SABOTAGE thats all ~Matt~
sabotage: an action taken to undermine or destroy somebody's efforts or achievements
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