(no subject)
Am I a good person? I've been called it. Told I'm amazing, wonderful, caring and kind.
I do not feel that I am. Does that make me ungrateful?
I just want to be a part of your lives. Have I done so much to deserve to be kicked out? Have I done more bad things to negate all the good I've done?
I'm sorry if I don't understand. But I've forgiven you all your trespasses. Old or new.
And I know I have no right to demand the same treatment. I've no right to demand to be in your lives.
But if you care about me. Please let me in.
I can't get you out of my mind. And it might be driving me crazy. But I'm not sure I'm entirely bothered by it. It's the only way I have you. I will not let you die in me.
Staying up until 5 in the morning, wondering, wishing, regretting, wanting to make a change that will no more make a difference than whether or not it rains tomorrow.
I just wish you remembered me. My smile. My laugh.
Manatees, swing sets, strange flavors, and multi-colors.
I remember when you told me I was more than a lover. More than a boy. What made this change?
I hurt you. I know. But I tried to make up for it. Do my intentions mean nothing?
This is not like an abusive parent, trying to say he never meant the hits or slaps. Or that he could change. I want nothing more than to grow old with you. And you seem to wish I'd just fade away.
I guess it's a weird skill I've learned. Just to shut out the bad, if it doesn't matter, and smile. To look on the bright side. To forgive, forget, to give the benefit of the doubt.
I do not get angry when you are late, because I know you didn't try to be. I do not get angry if you cheat, because you were in the heat of the moment. I don't throw a fit when you snub me, because I know you didn't do it to make me feel worthless. Humans are imperfect. You cannot be human without making mistakes. But the difference between being a Monster or a Person, is making up for them.
I am a Person, but I get treated like a Monster.
And no, this is not a 'take me back' plea. That's not how it should work. You should want me, and nothing else. Not want to feel pain, or cut me off. I just miss you. All of you.
I do not feel that I am. Does that make me ungrateful?
I just want to be a part of your lives. Have I done so much to deserve to be kicked out? Have I done more bad things to negate all the good I've done?
I'm sorry if I don't understand. But I've forgiven you all your trespasses. Old or new.
And I know I have no right to demand the same treatment. I've no right to demand to be in your lives.
But if you care about me. Please let me in.
I can't get you out of my mind. And it might be driving me crazy. But I'm not sure I'm entirely bothered by it. It's the only way I have you. I will not let you die in me.
Staying up until 5 in the morning, wondering, wishing, regretting, wanting to make a change that will no more make a difference than whether or not it rains tomorrow.
I just wish you remembered me. My smile. My laugh.
Manatees, swing sets, strange flavors, and multi-colors.
I remember when you told me I was more than a lover. More than a boy. What made this change?
I hurt you. I know. But I tried to make up for it. Do my intentions mean nothing?
This is not like an abusive parent, trying to say he never meant the hits or slaps. Or that he could change. I want nothing more than to grow old with you. And you seem to wish I'd just fade away.
I guess it's a weird skill I've learned. Just to shut out the bad, if it doesn't matter, and smile. To look on the bright side. To forgive, forget, to give the benefit of the doubt.
I do not get angry when you are late, because I know you didn't try to be. I do not get angry if you cheat, because you were in the heat of the moment. I don't throw a fit when you snub me, because I know you didn't do it to make me feel worthless. Humans are imperfect. You cannot be human without making mistakes. But the difference between being a Monster or a Person, is making up for them.
I am a Person, but I get treated like a Monster.
And no, this is not a 'take me back' plea. That's not how it should work. You should want me, and nothing else. Not want to feel pain, or cut me off. I just miss you. All of you.