Hello 2014...
...and goodbye 2013.
2013 was a year.... I'm not sure I would want to repeat. it has it ups and it has it downs, some outweighing the other.
Positive things I'll remember are getting my propedeuse, a stupid little paper I've been aiming towards getting since 2011. A thing I didn't expect to accomplish this year, but it did. And I'm quite proud of myself for this. Also, another positive and very good thing in 2013 is my lovely french bulldog puppy Luna. 9 months currently, and I still find myself loving her presence more and more each day. She makes me happy, I never realized an animal could bring so much joy, but now I really can't imagine my life without her anymore.
Something that was also really nice this year is how close I got to my family, if you'd tell me 5 years ago my relationship would be thi good with both my parents and brothers, I would've called you crazy. To me that was a thing that was never going to happen, I was going to move out at 18 and be done with it. Spending my free time with them was an unthinkable thing back then. But it happened this year, I love being at home, I love going to my brother's house and playing stupid games or having coffee and talk endlessly. It brings me a lot of happiness that it makes me wonder why I didn't do this earlier. It's a thing that I would definitely like to stay in 2014, and I'm planning on giving my best to make this relationship even better.
A thing that overshadows a lot of the positive, or at least, a thing that has stopped 2013 from being really good, has been my mother's health. She hasn't been okay, she hasn't been since december of 2012. And only now I'm starting to realize how much it has made me a different person, it made me sadder and just more negative about life. Seeing my mom cry as much as I have in the last few months still breaks my heart thinking about it, seeing my dad look more and more tired with worries every day causes even more heartache. A thing I wish for 2014, the only thing I wish for more than anything else is for my mom to be healthy, for my whole family to be healthy and leave this depressing time behind us. I already joked about it to my mom, 'doctor is a word I don't want to hear out of your mouth this year okay' but I mean it. I need my family to be healthy and to be happy, that's all I need, then the rest of good stuff will follow.
I don't really wish for more in 2014, the rest of the things that I want to work on are for me personally as a person.
I want to become a better person, a better student, a better daughter and a better friend.
This year I've gotten closer to people that I never thought possible off, and I lost people I never thought I would. Friends that have been with me ages have abandoned me this year. I feel left behind, I feel hurt, my trust has been broken, again. In 2014, however, I don't want to stop trusting. A thing I really need to work on. I hope for only good friends, but I need to be that good friend myself as well. I want to be a person people can fall back on and trust, but I know that I need to grant myself the chance too, to trust and let myself fall back on people. I hope I'm not too bad of a friend now already, but I promise to be an even better one in 2014. And I will try, I will definitely try my hardest to be a friend my friends deserve.
A thing I will also try my hardest is being a good student, for the first time since years (although I don't think I've ever felt completely comfortable at school?), I feel like I've found my place. I enjoy going to school and my internship, I enjoy learning, I enjoy striving towards being a fucking awesome professional in 2,5 years when I finish my bachelor. This requires constant work, but I'm doing it. I want to continue that in 2014. Because I actually quite like being proud of myself for once haha.
I think the only things I need to do in 2014 is work hard and be positive while working hard, if that makes sense. Give everything my best effort, don't give up. And trust myself to be actually able to accomplish stuff. Don't let other stuff I can't control bring me down, erase the negativity from my life and move on towards better things. For myself, but also for the people I love.
If I can manage to do that I think I'll be well on my way to become a better person.
ps. I will also try my hardest to update this lj more often, writing this out reminds me that I actually quite missed writing out my thoughts like this.
2013 was a year.... I'm not sure I would want to repeat. it has it ups and it has it downs, some outweighing the other.
Positive things I'll remember are getting my propedeuse, a stupid little paper I've been aiming towards getting since 2011. A thing I didn't expect to accomplish this year, but it did. And I'm quite proud of myself for this. Also, another positive and very good thing in 2013 is my lovely french bulldog puppy Luna. 9 months currently, and I still find myself loving her presence more and more each day. She makes me happy, I never realized an animal could bring so much joy, but now I really can't imagine my life without her anymore.
Something that was also really nice this year is how close I got to my family, if you'd tell me 5 years ago my relationship would be thi good with both my parents and brothers, I would've called you crazy. To me that was a thing that was never going to happen, I was going to move out at 18 and be done with it. Spending my free time with them was an unthinkable thing back then. But it happened this year, I love being at home, I love going to my brother's house and playing stupid games or having coffee and talk endlessly. It brings me a lot of happiness that it makes me wonder why I didn't do this earlier. It's a thing that I would definitely like to stay in 2014, and I'm planning on giving my best to make this relationship even better.
A thing that overshadows a lot of the positive, or at least, a thing that has stopped 2013 from being really good, has been my mother's health. She hasn't been okay, she hasn't been since december of 2012. And only now I'm starting to realize how much it has made me a different person, it made me sadder and just more negative about life. Seeing my mom cry as much as I have in the last few months still breaks my heart thinking about it, seeing my dad look more and more tired with worries every day causes even more heartache. A thing I wish for 2014, the only thing I wish for more than anything else is for my mom to be healthy, for my whole family to be healthy and leave this depressing time behind us. I already joked about it to my mom, 'doctor is a word I don't want to hear out of your mouth this year okay' but I mean it. I need my family to be healthy and to be happy, that's all I need, then the rest of good stuff will follow.
I don't really wish for more in 2014, the rest of the things that I want to work on are for me personally as a person.
I want to become a better person, a better student, a better daughter and a better friend.
This year I've gotten closer to people that I never thought possible off, and I lost people I never thought I would. Friends that have been with me ages have abandoned me this year. I feel left behind, I feel hurt, my trust has been broken, again. In 2014, however, I don't want to stop trusting. A thing I really need to work on. I hope for only good friends, but I need to be that good friend myself as well. I want to be a person people can fall back on and trust, but I know that I need to grant myself the chance too, to trust and let myself fall back on people. I hope I'm not too bad of a friend now already, but I promise to be an even better one in 2014. And I will try, I will definitely try my hardest to be a friend my friends deserve.
A thing I will also try my hardest is being a good student, for the first time since years (although I don't think I've ever felt completely comfortable at school?), I feel like I've found my place. I enjoy going to school and my internship, I enjoy learning, I enjoy striving towards being a fucking awesome professional in 2,5 years when I finish my bachelor. This requires constant work, but I'm doing it. I want to continue that in 2014. Because I actually quite like being proud of myself for once haha.
I think the only things I need to do in 2014 is work hard and be positive while working hard, if that makes sense. Give everything my best effort, don't give up. And trust myself to be actually able to accomplish stuff. Don't let other stuff I can't control bring me down, erase the negativity from my life and move on towards better things. For myself, but also for the people I love.
If I can manage to do that I think I'll be well on my way to become a better person.
ps. I will also try my hardest to update this lj more often, writing this out reminds me that I actually quite missed writing out my thoughts like this.