So lonely
This sucks. Being alone sucks! I'm so lonely right now. All I want is to call Jason and see what he's doing. I don't really need to see him yet, but I want to at least talk to him. I think it might help if I knew if he missed me. I'm pretty sure he does, but it would be nice to know for sure. I know it's only been since Sunday, but tomorrow is Wednesday and I haven't went this long without talking to him yet. It's just so hard. Breaking up sucks, especially when you dont know what's going to happen in the near future. He keeps saying that him and I could get back together in the near future, but maybe not. It's so difficult.
This week is his spring break. I can't help but think how he's spending it. If we hadn't broken up then I'm sure I'd be seeing him, at least a little bit. Plus tonight we were supposed to get together and watch a movie, even after we broke up. But then he decided we should take at least a week apart. So now we're not hanging out tonight.
I just wish he knew what he wanted. He's so confused, but I want him to figure it out. I don't plan on seeing anyone else any time soon, like at least for a couple months, and definitely not until I know what he's going to do. If him and I have a chance of getting back together, I'm not going to mess that up by going on a date with someone else.
Jason was right about one thing Saturday night, love is irrational. Completely irrational. And love can suck and it can hurt. He doesn't understand why he still has feelings for Nickcole because he has nothing in common with her, she has none of the qualities he's looking for and he knows it would never work out with her. Yet he told me a part of him is still in love with her and he doesn't know why. Because at the same time here I am and I have a lot of the qualities he wants and he knows it could work out with me. And a part of him is in love with me too. So yes, I can see where in his mind, this situation is irrational. He knows he shouldn't still have feelings for Nickcole, but yet he does. He knows he should be completely in love with me and not her at all, so he knows none of this makes sense.
I'm actually surprised I have the willpower to not call him. It's hard, but I'm not calling him. I did email him though...mainly just to see how he's doing. I emailed him Sunday night and again tonight. Hopefully he writes me back. I really want to know how he's doing. And man do I miss him =(
This sucks!