Chapter 35 Without You
35.
(Taylor)
I sat quietly next to Lily, asking God for a bit of absolution as she prayed for Jeremy to be okay. I felt a little guilty that I hadn't bothered to pray for that as well, but, I think I have established that I'm not a selfless kind of guy.
I watched as hostility oozed from the mother. The father seemed oblivious to who I was, or didn't hold either me or Lily responsible for Jeremy's ridiculous melt down. The sister facilitated between tears of worry and checking me out with lusty looks of appreciation.
Lily was lost in her self flagellation and didn't notice much of anything.
I checked the time on my watch, one o'clock in the morning. Not only had we not ushered in the new year with hot kisses that would lead to some good humping, I hadn't gotten to propose to her. As far as I was concerned, this was just another elaborate maneuver that Jeremy had used to get in my way. I didn't even bother feeling guilty thinking that.
I was getting worried about Lily. She looked close to breaking. There was something I couldn't put my finger on. She was crushing herself under the weight of self imposed guilt before me. I knew I had to get her out of there, before she completely lost her wits.
I was going to ask if she wanted to go to the cafeteria to get coffee for everyone, when two doctors entered the waiting room in blue green scrubs, faces serious. My heart stopped and for the first time all night, I offered up a quick prayer requesting that Jeremy would be okay.
I sat back as the surgeons explained that they had put pins in Jeremy's right leg and hip and had to repair a damaged artery in his thigh. They said he would be okay and after that, I stopped listening.
Relief washed over everyone. He was going to be okay. Lily, let out a deep breath and settled back in the chair. I could feel myself selfishly starting to wonder when the hell we could get out of here. I had to ask her to marry me tonight. If I didn't tonight, I would lose my nerve and that meant more to me than anything that was happening in this hospital. I knew that that was really shitty of me, even as I thought it, but I didn't care.
The doctors told them that they could see him in about an hour, when he was moved to his room. So we all headed, as a silent unit, to the wing he would be in and sat in that waiting room. Lily's breathing resumed its normal rhythm, and her hand was less shaky in mine. I wanted to kiss her and tell her everything was going to be fine, so we should go home, but I knew she wanted to see him. My only fear about that was that the asshole would say or do to make her think this was her fault.
I never imagined he would completely destroy my world.
(Lily)
I stood outside of Jeremy's room, ready to go in after his parents, with Taylor. He had stayed with me every moment, lending his strength to me as needed. I looked at him and said out loud what had been running through my mind all night, “Do you think he was really that upset by seeing us that he didn't pay attention while he was driving?”
Taylor shrugged, “I don't know, Lilz, but if he was, that's his problem. This accident was not because of us. It was the other guy's and his inattentions that caused this, not you. You were in a bathtub with me when it happened, last I checked, you weren't a wizard or anything like that.” He tucked a hair behind my ear, “Once you see him, we will go home and get some sleep, okay?”
I nodded, I felt ashamed of myself. I was in a spiral of negativity and I could not put the brakes on it. I was disappointing everyone. I had hurt Jeremy, his family and friends all either hated me or were really angry with me. I had ruined the holiday for Taylor and Zac. I was twisting my guts up and I was a anxious wreck. I needed a good strong drink and a nap.
Linda emerged from Jeremy's room with the others following behind her, “He is ready to see you.”
I looked at Taylor, “You should probably stay out here,”
He nodded and squeezed my fingers, “I'll be right here when you come back.”
I crept into the room and felt tears choke me. I tried to ignore the heart monitor beeping at the head of the bed, I avoided looking at the I.V.s plugged into each arm and the bloody bandages wrapped around his leg that had nothing draped over it. Both of his eyes were bruised and swollen, his lips cracked. I resisted running from the room.
I gave him a wobbly smile and my voice belied the non nonchalance I was trying to go for, “What's up?”
He grinned at me sleepily, “Hey, what're you doin' here?”
I leaned into him and kissed his cheek, “I came to see you. Are you in much pain?”
He sighed, his eyes closed, “I'm alive.” he reached for my hand and missed it. I assumed he was seeing double with all the medications in his system, so I gave it to him. He brought it to his cheek, “I'm so glad your here.” He kissed my hand and I pulled it away, gently. He closed his eyes, “Will you come see me tomorrow?”
I nodded, knowing that the medications were pulling him back into dreamland, “I'll come tomorrow.”
I stepped out of the room and into Taylor's arms. “He looks awful. I told him I would come tomorrow, when he's not stoned.”
Taylor nodded, but I could feel a hesitancy behind the seemingly agreeable nod.
We gladly left Jeremy's family in the family room. I felt like I could finally take a deep breath once I slid the key into the Land Rover's ignition.