Chapter 30 Without You
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30.
(Lily)
I watched as Taylor schmoozed his aunts and uncles with tales from the tour. He looked comfortable among all of the people that would take turns swarming him. In fact, nobody seemed to mind what seemed to be an arena filled living room. I was not used to so many people in one room, however.
Zac plopped down next to me, “How's your first Hanson Christmas going?”
I tried to smile and was pretty sure it was more like a grimace, “There are a lot of people here.”
He laughed, “Yeah, we're a big family. My parents came from big families too. But it's all we've ever known, so this is Christmas for us.”
“It's big and loud, but it is nice.” I said thinking of the quiet, sparse holidays of my life.
The closest I had come to a family Christmas like this was when I was with Jeremy. It had been him and his sister and their parents. That was it. Growing up in foster care, I was always aware that I was not a part of the family. Even after I got to the Jensen family. They were very kind to me and if I ever felt like a part of a family, it was with them, but even then, I always knew my place with them was temporary.
Zac shrugged, “Yeah, I've never known it to be anything other than big and loud. Didn't your family have big holidays?”
I shook my head, “No. My parents were very much loners. I remember really nice happy Christmases, but never big boisterous holidays like this.” I said as a group of children around the ages of seven or eight came screaming past us, drowning out all other sounds, and thoughts for that matter.
Zac's eyes hadn't even registered shock from the noise of those kids and he said, “How old were you when they died?”
“Ten.” I said simply, as an uncomfortable pressure in my chest began to balloon. I decided to change the subject. I didn't like to talk about them. I still missed them and if I let myself, could get very into a pity party for myself. This was not the time for it. “So, after this other leg of the tour is over, we head to Europe?”
He shrugged, “You know what? I have no idea. I just go where they tell me.” He looked over at Taylor who was talking to an uncle and asked, “So what'd Tay get you?”
I shrugged, “We haven't exchanged gifts yet.”
Zac snorted, “Well, I hope he did a decent job picking something nice for you.”
I thought of him telling me he loved me and my tummy fluttered, he had already given me the only gift I had wanted, the one I hadn't even really known I had wanted, until he had said it. “I'm sure he did a good job.”
Dianna appeared next to us, as if from nowhere, with a fat, smiley baby on her hip.
“Ah, just who I was looking for. Can you take this big guy, so I can go tend to my kitchen duties?” She smiled at us, and handed the baby boy over to Zac.
He stood up, his hands in the air, leaving the baby dangling from Dianna's hands, “Nope. That kid pukes every time I hold him. Give him to Lily.”
My eyes popped out of my head, before I began to scan the room for a suitable stand in for me to hand the baby off to. Everyone had scattered, leaving me the one with the closest set of arms available.
I took him, or more like he was plopped into my arms, and I was surprised by the weight of him. I wondered how strong his mother must be to be lugging him around. Of course, if this shindig was any indication, she probably handed him off as often as she could to give her poor back and arms a break. I looked at him and he was definitely a Hanson. Blond hair, blue eyes, pillowy lips. He was a gorgeous, fat baby. I smiled at him and he smiled back at me.
I found myself standing up when he started to fuss, and then cursed myself, as I realized sitting was no longer an option once we were in motion. I carried him over to the pictures on the wall. I pointed out the obvious people that I knew. He giggled and got excited and flapped his arms over all of the pictures of the girls. He was less excited by the photos of the men. Which judging Zac's reaction to him, probably meant that the guys scattered and the girls cooed the most.
I took him over to the window and we looked out at the darkening sky. “Pretty soon Santa will be coming. I hope you were a good boy.” I said in a light voice that everyone uses for babies. I had to admit, as heavy as he was, he was soft and sweet and smelled like fruit.
I felt Taylor mold into my back as his arms circled my waist, “Are you stealing my girlfriend, Alex?”
The baby smiled and buried his face in my shoulder and he flapped his arms excitedly, making me laugh. “He just might be. I kind of like him.”
Taylor tickled the fat roll under Alex's neck, “Who doesn't like this guy? He's one of the happiest babies around.” Taylor kissed me lightly on the neck, “You look good with a baby in your arms.”
My heart stopped for a moment. No. I would not be rehashing the same old argument with him that I had had over and over with Jeremy. I did not want kids. Not now. Maybe not ever. I shrugged and moved away, suddenly wanting to drop the little guy where I stood.
Taylor stood looking confused as I went to Jenny and handed Alex off to her, saying I had to use the bathroom.
I did indeed go to the bathroom, but only to have a minute to myself. Taylor wasn't already thinking about starting a family, was he? We were both still young and had lots of time to wait, especially for us as a very new couple.
I splashed my face with water and after drying it off, I headed out of the bathroom. Taylor was leaning against the wall, “What the hell was that?”
I shrugged, “Look, I know you probably want kids and all that, but I don't think I'm the girl that will be cool with that plan. Just so you know, before we get anymore involved.”
He rolled his eyes and slipped a finger into the neckline of my dress, pulling me close, “I think that before we get anymore involved you should calm down. I have a cute cousin and a gorgeous girlfriend. You looked adorable together and I thought I should tell you. You know, points for later tonight.”
I felt a little, no very, foolish. I had been so worried that he and I would go down the same path Jeremy and I had, that I forgot he wasn't Jeremy. Not by a long shot. I removed his hand that had dipped further into my dress, before he distracted me completely, “Okay, so I'm sorry, I guess.”
His jaw dropped, “So I finally deserve an apology from you and that's the one I get?”
I practically hurled myself against the wall, to get away from Taylor's wandering hands when I saw Walker coming down the hall towards the bathroom, “Yes. That's it.” I said as I smiled at Taylor's father as he scooted into the bathroom.
He reached out and grabbed a handful of my dress and pulled me back into him. I bumped his crutches and he wobbled a little before steadying himself. I held onto him to assist him and he asked as soon as he was secure, “Are you wearing any underwear?”
I rolled my eyes, “God, Taylor, is that all you ever think about?”
He smiled, “Um, yeah. But if you want, we can talk about our future some more.”
I smacked his arm and hissed, “No, we can discuss my lack of panties, all evening, if you want.”
His blue eyes lit up as bright as the bulbs on the gigantic tree in the family room, “I knew it! Your dress is too smooth across this sweet little ass of yours.” He said as his hand rounded my backside.
I sighed, annoyed, “So, should we duck into a bedroom and do it quickly so you can talk about something other than the various stages of humping?”
He grinned, “Yes, we should. But we're not going to. Tonight when we get home, you can show me what's under that dress.”
“It's not like you haven't seen what's wrapped up in this package hundreds of times now.” I said trying to be saucy.
He smiled lazily, making me weak in the knees, “I know. You're a gift I never tire of opening.”