(no subject)
so for those of you who havent been informed...my mom is in the hospital...she had surgery last month that was no big deal and she was having something similar done on monday...well she reacted oddly to the anistetic n shes been in ever since...
my dad called me over to him during the field hockey game n told me to tell campbell i had to leave as soon as the game was over...i asked if something was wrong and he said yes...i immediately started crying because the reason she was having surgery was because there was a chance that something she had inside of her could form into cancer n i was afraid that he was going to tell me that it was too late n she already had it....luckily that wasnt the case though n he just told me about this reaction she had...unfortunately i couldnt get to the hospital to go see her since sarah was over since her dad wasnt home yet n i didnt want her to have to sit in a hospital for who knows how long....after she left it was kinda hard to keep my mind off of it n a cried for a while...mostly because i had no idea what was going on n if my mom was gona be ok
today was kinda rough...my dad asked me as we were leaving if i was alright n i almost started crying in the car (ive been trying not to cry in front of him because i think it would just make it even harder for him)...then i told kelly n almost started crying on the bus...then ms topping asked me how things were going in the hallway n other people were around n started asking me n i almost started crying again...i managed to make it through the rest of the school day alright thanks to my fabulous friends :)...then at practice i was having a hard time because i was kinda distracted throughout practice n whenever someone got even the slightest bit upset with me for doing something wrong i was tempted to cry again but i made it through...went to the psych party which was fun....i got home n my dad flipped out on me because he didnt know where i was n he "has enough on his mind without having to worry about where i am too"...he apparently tried calling my cell but i accidently left it at sarahs...i definitely told him where i was gona be..its his fault he didnt remember...sure i understand hes going through a lot n forgot...but im going through a lot too so doesnt that make it equal that he forgot where i was going n i forgot my phone?...he just doesnt understand that this isnt all about him...if anything i have it way harder than him...i havnt seen my mom since sunday (prior to the surgery) n i have no idea what all these surgical terms are or whats going on with my mom...i was hoping to get to go see her today but since i didnt get home until 7 n my dad was being an ass i didnt get to go...i at least got to call her though....later my dad came in my room n asked what i had to say for myself...n i said i made a mistake n he said that this was no time for mistakes blah blah blah...i ended up screaming/crying at him n he still didnt get that its hard for me too....finally i just told him it was my fault n that i should have been more responsible because hes just so damn stubborn that i dont really care whether he knows hes wrong or not...id rather just be by myself....its situations like these that i wish my brother was home...sure hes just like my dad sometimes but at least he can relate...
o n my dad grounded me for the weekend...i know hes gona try n b my best friend tomorrow anyway cuz thats how he is..he cant handle me being mad at him...whatever
so thats the story...id prefer not to talk about it in public because unfortunately im at a point where im very likely to cry at any moment if u know what i mean...plus its a touchy subject anyway...especially since my mom doesnt really know whats going on either n shes just as clueless as i am...
my dad called me over to him during the field hockey game n told me to tell campbell i had to leave as soon as the game was over...i asked if something was wrong and he said yes...i immediately started crying because the reason she was having surgery was because there was a chance that something she had inside of her could form into cancer n i was afraid that he was going to tell me that it was too late n she already had it....luckily that wasnt the case though n he just told me about this reaction she had...unfortunately i couldnt get to the hospital to go see her since sarah was over since her dad wasnt home yet n i didnt want her to have to sit in a hospital for who knows how long....after she left it was kinda hard to keep my mind off of it n a cried for a while...mostly because i had no idea what was going on n if my mom was gona be ok
today was kinda rough...my dad asked me as we were leaving if i was alright n i almost started crying in the car (ive been trying not to cry in front of him because i think it would just make it even harder for him)...then i told kelly n almost started crying on the bus...then ms topping asked me how things were going in the hallway n other people were around n started asking me n i almost started crying again...i managed to make it through the rest of the school day alright thanks to my fabulous friends :)...then at practice i was having a hard time because i was kinda distracted throughout practice n whenever someone got even the slightest bit upset with me for doing something wrong i was tempted to cry again but i made it through...went to the psych party which was fun....i got home n my dad flipped out on me because he didnt know where i was n he "has enough on his mind without having to worry about where i am too"...he apparently tried calling my cell but i accidently left it at sarahs...i definitely told him where i was gona be..its his fault he didnt remember...sure i understand hes going through a lot n forgot...but im going through a lot too so doesnt that make it equal that he forgot where i was going n i forgot my phone?...he just doesnt understand that this isnt all about him...if anything i have it way harder than him...i havnt seen my mom since sunday (prior to the surgery) n i have no idea what all these surgical terms are or whats going on with my mom...i was hoping to get to go see her today but since i didnt get home until 7 n my dad was being an ass i didnt get to go...i at least got to call her though....later my dad came in my room n asked what i had to say for myself...n i said i made a mistake n he said that this was no time for mistakes blah blah blah...i ended up screaming/crying at him n he still didnt get that its hard for me too....finally i just told him it was my fault n that i should have been more responsible because hes just so damn stubborn that i dont really care whether he knows hes wrong or not...id rather just be by myself....its situations like these that i wish my brother was home...sure hes just like my dad sometimes but at least he can relate...
o n my dad grounded me for the weekend...i know hes gona try n b my best friend tomorrow anyway cuz thats how he is..he cant handle me being mad at him...whatever
so thats the story...id prefer not to talk about it in public because unfortunately im at a point where im very likely to cry at any moment if u know what i mean...plus its a touchy subject anyway...especially since my mom doesnt really know whats going on either n shes just as clueless as i am...