(no subject)
Undisclosed Desires
-Muse
Author: muffincakes__
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/ Will Graham
Rating: PG - PG-13 (I mean there’s kissing. That’s it. And it’s guy on guy. Also one of the characters is Hannibal Lecter so not for the children. Don’t want to scare them too early in life.)
Summary: This takes place shortly after the book Hannibal. Hannibal Lecter has left Clarice somewhere. It’s not really important to the story line. It is based off the Muse song Undisclosed Desires. The lyrics I think are from Will’s point of view of Hannibal. Will wakes up one morning and decides he is no longer afraid of Hannibal and would like to find him. Of course Hannibal beats him to this and Will finds something he has been looking for.
Word Count: 5, 031 (Or so Word says, and not counting lyrics)
I know you've suffered,
But I don't want you to hide,
Will Graham was no longer afraid. It’d been seven years since Jack Crawford called him asking him to come back and help them capture Hannibal Lecter again, and he turned him down. Now that Jack had passed away Will had a choice to make. Did he stay living in fear like he had been or does he seek out what he is afraid of? This decision was made for him against his will like most were in the past. Will opened the door of his house in Marathon one day and found a small white envelope sitting on his doormat addressed to him.
Will’s breathing stopped. It’d been eight years since he’d received a small white envelope. He doesn’t have to look closely at the handwriting to know who it belongs to. Hannibal Lecter. Will slowly reached down for the letter and picked it up. Just holding it brings back memories of the man. His beautiful maroon eyes that could see through any lies, his rich voice that held only small traces of his home country, his smell. Will inhaled deeply as he remembered these things. Will closed the door to his home and leaned against the wall as he opened this special letter.
Dear Will,
I know this letter has been overdue for some time. But I have only recently learned of dear Jack’s death. How are you taking it? Not too bad I hope. If you are wondering I am doing quite well out here on my own. How I have missed the fresh air of freedom. I have to say I’m sorry for you Will. How you have been divorced and are still living alone by yourself. I would think someone as handsome as you wouldn’t stay single for long. Did you take what I said all those years ago to heart? That we are alike. Did you think that is we are so alike no one would be safe around you? I would love to hear from you Will. If you wish to write something to me please put it in the Tattler and I shall find it.
Best,
Hannibal Lecter,
M.D.
Will released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. How did Hannibal know about his divorce with Molly? How did he know he was right with his thoughts about no one being safe around him? Will sighed and walked into his kitchen to get a pen and some paper. There was no use in stalling the inevitable. So Hannibal must be in the country to be able to get the Tattler. But where? Close enough to find him. Will thought. After a few minutes of thinking Will wrote down a quick letter and put it in an envelope and addressed it to the National Tattler. He took it out and put it in his mailbox. Now all he had to do was wait. Wait for his letter to reach the Tattler, wait for Hannibal to read it, and wait to see what Hannibal would do once he read it.
It's cold and loveless,
I won't let you be denied
For the past week or so Will had been picking up the Tattler and scanning the Personals for his letter. Today was the day. Today would decide his future. As Will scanned the Personals he found his letter.
Dear Maroon Eyes,
I am no longer afraid. I would like to talk with you. Like we did all those years ago. You know where I am so please come and visit me. There are things I need to tell you.
Yours,
Blue Eyes
Now that it was out there and Hannibal would read it fear rushed over Will. Had that been a mistake? Telling Hannibal he needed to tell him things, signing it yours. These thoughts rushed through Will’s mind. But it was too late. Will couldn’t do anything about it now. It was out there and Hannibal now had to make a choice. Did he trust Will enough to come to his house and not have it surrounded by police? That thought was far from what Will wanted to do. He didn’t want to stay away from Hannibal anymore. He had realized that the only person he could get close to and not be afraid of hurting was Hannibal. Will felt safe thinking about Hannibal now a days. Hannibal was the person he had feared most, so to get over his fear he’d have to embrace what he feared most.
Soothing,
I'll make you feel pure,
Hannibal went through the same routine he did every morning since he dropped off his letter to Will. He left his apartment he was renting, strolled down the lovely stretch of beach to town, bought a copy of the Tattler, went to the nearby coffee shop to get a cup of coffee, read over the Personals, then would make his way back to his apartment. Today though was different. While he was drinking his coffee and scanning over the Personals one caught his eye.
Dear Maroon Eyes.
That must be Will’s letter. Only he would use his color of eyes in replace of his name. Such a smart boy. He read on. By the time he was finished reading that small little letter Hannibal was smiling. So Will was ready to have those little chats he refused to have back at the State Hospital. But what else was there that Will wanted to tell him? Hannibal finished his coffee and left the coffee shop. Debating on surprising Will that same day or waiting until tomorrow. He took a different way back to his apartment, this way he walked past a lovely little cottage that had a dock leading out to the water. On the back porch sat a very tan man with blonde hair. He was shirtless and was drinking what Hannibal could tell from the distance was rum. One Will Graham looking as beautiful as ever. Thought Hannibal. After passing Will’s house it only took him a few minutes to reach the apartments he was staying at. No, tomorrow Hannibal will visit Will. He couldn’t show the blonde just yet how close he was.
Trust me,
You can be sure
Hannibal woke the next day. He wanted everything to be perfect today. Hannibal leaves his apartment and walks to Will’s neighborhood. He takes the little path to the beach and walks around till he’s in front of the cottage next to Will’s. He then sits down on a log so that he can see when Will leaves his home. After a few minutes of waiting and watching the neighborhood wake he sees Will leave. Will doesn’t lock his door. Why would the man have too? The only thing that could hurt him would never think of doing it now. Hannibal waits a few more minutes to make sure Will isn’t coming back before he gets up from his spot and walks up to Will’s house. He lets himself in through the front door and explores the house.
Once he is familiar with the house Hannibal goes into the kitchen and looks through Will’s fridge and cabinets. He finds that Will still has excellent taste in wine. Hannibal smiles at this for he was the one that taught Will about the best wines. He takes a wine glass down and pours himself a glass of Chianti. Hannibal puts the glass down on the counter for it to breathe before he tastes it. After a while he picks it up swirls it a bit and sips some. The taste blossoms on his tongue. Yes Will was expecting him at some time this week. He must have ordered this the day he replied back to his letter. How he missed talking with Will. But that will soon change. Soon they shall meet again, but on friendly terms and with nothing haunting Will. Yes today will turn out perfect. Hannibal thought as he sat down at the counter and watched the happenings outside the windows. Soon the show shall begin.
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask,
When Will walked into his house after his morning run he knew something was different. It was the smell. Will shut his front door and inhaled deeply closing his eyes. Hannibal was here. Will could tell because the man’s scent was strong. It was also calming and Will slowly let the breath out, wanting to savor it for as long as possible. He opened his eyes and continued into his home. As Will turned the corner into the kitchen he stops. There Hannibal was sitting at the counter drinking his wine looking straight at him. God how he missed this man. The man that has the power to kill him and the power to let him live. Will doesn’t think he would even fight at this point if Hannibal wanted to kill him, but he knows that not why Hannibal is here.
“Welcome home Will.”
Will takes a deep calming breath. He hopes he doesn’t sound scared, or nervous, or like a high school boy with a crush.
“Hello Hannibal.” He settles for when he answers. His eyes must have given away some of what he is feeling for Hannibal smirks and sets his glass down and rises from where he is sitting to close the distance between them. As Hannibal draws closer Will’s heart rate quickens. It’s not from fear; no Will’s mind is far from fear at this moment. Hannibal stops close to Will, so close that if Will were to just lean a little bit he would be touching him. Will closes his eyes and inhales deeply again taking in Hannibal’s smell. He quickly opens his eyes when he feels something in his hair. Hannibal’s hand is now resting on the back of his head and he is gazing deep into Will’s eyes. Will smiles at him.
“I’ve missed you.” Will breaths. Hannibal smiles at this.
“So have I. So have I.” Hannibal than takes his hand away from Will’s head. “Please join me in a glass of wine.” He says as he reluctantly pulls himself away from the blonde. Will smiles and follows Hannibal. He goes around to the other side of the counter and gets himself a wine glass.
“Did I get the right wine?” He asked as he opened his fridge to retrieve the bottle.
“Yes. Perfect year as well. Be a dear and tell me how you were able to get a ’38 Chianti?” He swirls his glass again and takes a sip.
“For awhile now I’ve been searching for a bottle of it and that year. It took me a lot of time, money, and effort but I found it. I had a personal wine collector store it for me so that it would be safe. I knew that when we would finally meet up again you would enjoy it.”
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
“Thank you for your thoughtfulness Will. I enjoy it very much.”
“Hannibal?” Will asks after a comfortable silence. Hannibal looks up at Will locking eyes with him.
“Yes Will?” Will breaks eye contact and gazes at the surface of the counter as he shifts his feet uncomfortably. He suddenly doesn’t what to share his fears with Hannibal. Will feels that if he does he might lose part of himself. But what is there to lose? The only person he cares about left in this world is sitting right in front of him. Maybe Hannibal can help him. Maybe by sharing his feeling with Hannibal he can help Hannibal let go of some of the demons of his past. If Will puts enough trust in Hannibal that he can spill the contents of his heart out maybe Hannibal might do the same. Not today, maybe no time soon but some day Will might be able to help Hannibal.
“How did you find out about my divorce?”
“Well since the little incident with Dolarhyde I started asking for Marathon’s newspaper. I wanted to keep an eye on you while you recovered. Your divorce was in the paper Will. Or did you forget that?” Will shook his head.
“No I just, I guess I wasn’t thinking about that. But that is the type of thing you do, isn’t it?” Will looked up at Hannibal. “You try to know everything about my life so you can figure out things about me before I even realize it.”
“You intrigue me Will. That’s all.” Will doesn’t know how he should feel about this, content or angry. Why does he intrigue Hannibal so, what makes him so special?
“Then how did you know I didn’t think anyone would be safe around me before I did? I didn’t realize it until I read it in your letter.”
“Watching you enough and as long as I have known you it was easy to see you don’t let people get close to you. Is that what you really are afraid of Will? Not me but the possibility that you would get attached to someone and I hurt them?”
You trick your lovers,
That you're wicked and divine,
“No.” Will answers quickly. He has gone back to looking at the counter. Yes he defiantly does not what to share his thoughts and feelings yet. But it’s been over eight years. He said he wasn’t afraid anymore. Will told Hannibal that he wants to talk with him. Then why is this so hard?
“Come now William. Be honest with yourself. You said you wanted to talk. I thought you were past lying to yourself. Are you afraid that I will hurt those you care about?” A few moments pass and Will finally looks up to meet Hannibal’s gaze. There is sadness in his eyes.
“Not anymore. I was. I think that’s why I never really got attached to anybody. But now that I think about it I think it was because I was already attached to one person. One person you could never hurt.”
“Who is that Will?” Hannibal asks as he looks into those beautiful blue eyes.
“You.”
You may be a sinner,
But your innocence is mine
Hannibal smiled warmly at Will. He and Will were both heading down the same path. They both felt like they needed each other to live. Yes they were very much alike. Will was beginning to understand that. Soon Hannibal thought, soon Will will be able to think back on all the bad things in life and not fear what happened. With Hannibal’s help Will will be safe.
“How is it that you feel attached to me Will?” Hannibal tilts his head to the side as he asks this question. He does that often when he is on interesting subjects. What will Will’s answer be? Is he pushing the blonde to fast into this?
“A day doesn’t go by without me thinking of you.” Will finally says after taking a deep breath. “I always remember something about you where ever I go. Your voice is in my mind, my dreams. I keep on remembering your scent, your eyes. Every time I see something maroon I think about you. Little things you’re said or done make me remember our time spent talking. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re everywhere.”
Hannibal looked at Will with tender, caring eyes. That’s by far the most Will has every shared with him about his feelings. Will shouldn’t keep things bottled up inside him. It doesn’t help anyone. Maybe Hannibal will slow down a bit. Let Will share things when he feels like it. It’s not like Hannibal is in a rush to go anywhere. He’s not planning on leaving the blonde ever again.
“Would you believe me if I said you are also in my thoughts every day?”
“I would be surprised if I wasn’t.” Will smiles slightly at this.
Please me,
Show me how it's done,
Both men lapse into a comfortably silence, thinking about their own thoughts as they sip their wine. Hannibal is watching Will’s every move where as Will had fixed his eyes on Hannibal’s wine glass. After a few minutes Hannibal decides to let Will choose what shall come next in this future.
“Will. Is there anything you have planned this evening?” Will looks up into Hannibal’s eyes.
“No. I don’t really plan anything now a days. I just normally take one day at a time.” Hannibal makes a slight nod in agreement.
“That’s what I was thinking. When was the last time you went out to eat at a nice restaurant?” Will smirks.
“That depends on your definition of nice.” Hannibal chuckles slightly at Will’s humor.
“Well Will do you remember the type of restaurants we went to a few times while we were working on cases?” Will closes his eyes as he nods. So Will is remembering the Chesapeake Case, his case. He’s trying to work past the fear from that day. The day Will thought was going to be his last. Hannibal remembered that day to. It was a shame when Will looked back at him after looking up at his books. The fear in his eyes made it easy for Hannibal to see Will had figured it out. He was so smart. Hannibal had regretted having to stab Will. He was relieved when Will pulled threw and lived.
Tease me,
You are the one
“Yes I remember the restaurants we went to.” Will finally said. “When we would be talking late and you forced me to stop and get something to eat. Yes I remember.”
“Why don’t we go to a restaurant as nice as those tonight? I haven’t been to one in awhile. I do miss it sometimes. The topics we would get on while eating. Don’t you Will?” Hannibal asked. Will opened his eyes again and looked at Hannibal meeting his gaze.
“Yes. I do miss it. When we talked about whatever came to mind I would forget about the cases. I would forget about all the stress from Jack. I wouldn’t worry about what would come the next day. I just would focus on what we were talking about.”
“It always did seem to help you relax Will. You always worked better once you relaxed a bit. I think we should go out to a nice restaurant tonight. How does eight sound?”
“That sounds nice.” Will said softly. Hannibal smiled.
“Good I’ll be back to pick you up around seven forty-five.” Hannibal sets his wine glass down and gets up. He walks over to Will and puts a hand on the man’s shoulder. “See you later Will.” He leans in and kisses Will’s hair. He then back away from the slightly stunned Will, turns and leaves the house.
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart,
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask,
Will finally turns his head to watch Hannibal leave the house. What was Hannibal offering? It was more than friendship. But then again wasn’t that what Will wanted as well? He looks back at Hannibal’s wine glass and smiles. Yes their lives will be happy now. Will has finally gotten over his greatest fear. He just needs to be that one person that will help Hannibal with his demons. He picks up the wine glasses and takes them over to the sink. Hannibal’s glass is empty but Will’s has less than half of the wine left. He rinses out Hannibal’s glass while he continues to sip his wine. Now all Will has to do is figure out what to wear. All the restaurants they used to go to never required a suit, Will doesn’t even think he still owns one for that matter, so he will just have to find his nice dress pants and a nice shirt, where ever they are. He looks at his clock above the stove. Almost noon, that leaves about seven hours for him to do nothing. All Will wants to do at this moment is just see Hannibal again. Even if they aren’t talking he just wants to be in the same room as the man. Hannibal has an incredible calming effect on Will. Will doesn’t know why since for the longest time he’s been afraid of the man. He shakes his head at this, no point on dwelling on the past at this moment; the only thing he wants to think about is the near future. Will finishes up with his wine and rinses his glass setting them out to dry. Time for a shower and the some very few errands. Will thinks as he heads up stairs.
After his shower Will runs into town to do his shopping for the week. He gets a bit more food than usual because he is planning on inviting Hannibal over as much as possible. Once he gets back to his house he puts all the items he’s purchased away in their rightful place and looked at the clock again. Two-thirty. Can time crawl by any slower? Will thought. He chuckles to himself and shakes his head. Why is he so anxious? He’s acting like he was when he was on his first date in high school. He heads upstairs to find what would be suitable to wear. After much searching though clothes bags in the back of his closet Will finds his plain black slacks and a crisp white dress shirt. When he lays them down on the bed and looks at them he smiles and shakes his head. I wore something like this the same day I went to Hannibal’s office and figured out it was him. Will thought. Wondering if Hannibal would make the connection as well. He most likely would. Hannibal doesn’t miss the little things like that. Since there wasn’t really much for Will to do till seven he decided to go downstairs and read the newspaper, something he hasn’t really done for the past week, instead of just scanning the Personals.
Once seven rolled around Will got up and got dressed, combed his blonde hair that was in disarray, and brushed his teeth. Hannibal should be here soon. He didn’t really realize it but the closer it got to seven forty-five the more nervous he become. Not from fear but from the unknown. What did Hannibal have planned for tonight?
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
There was a knock on his door and Will had to stop himself for running down the stairs like a teenager. He opened the door with a warm smile on his face. There Hannibal stood dressed in almost the same outfit. Hannibal’s clothes, though plain looked far more elegant. How does the man do it?
“Hello Hannibal.” Will said after realizing he had been staring at Hannibal for a bit. He blushed faintly. Hannibal smiled at him.
“Good evening Will. Are you ready to leave?” Will grinned at this.
“Yes just let me grab my jacket.” Hannibal raises an eyebrow at this.
“I don’t think you will be needing a jacket tonight Will. It’s fairly warm out tonight.”
“I just always take one with me where ever I go. You never know when the wind will blow and it might get chilly.”
“Quite right. Grab your jacket then and we shall be on our way.” Will nods and goes to the hall closet and grabs his nice black leather jacket. He doesn’t put it on but holds it with a finger and puts it over one shoulder.
“Lead the way.” He says to Hannibal. Hannibal turns and walks down Will’s driveway to his black Bentley.
“When did you get this car?” He asks Hannibal as they reach it.
“A few days after I came here. I don’t really care for the sunny, warm weather so I decided to purchase a car. I noticed you don’t have one Will.”
“Couldn’t really think of any reasons to keep one. I don’t go anywhere out of walking distance anymore.”
“No I would say not. Since you pretty much have everything you need here.” Hannibal said as they were getting into his car.
“I do now.” Will says softly. He noticed that Hannibal looked over at him. His maroon eyes looked different then, more caring than normal. Will liked seeing those eyes look like that. He wanted to see them like that more often. Hannibal started his car and backed out of Will’s driveway.
“So are you going to tell me where we are going?” Will asked after a long comfortable silence.
“Nope it’s a surprise.” Hannibal said smiling. Will chuckled at this.
“Just like old times. You never told me what restaurant we were going to back then.”
“Not exactly like old times Will.”
“True. Better then old times.” Will said smiling.
“Yes I agree. Better.”
Please me,
Show me how it's done,
As Hannibal drove outside of Marathon and to a bigger city he and Will talked about many things. They never stayed on one subject for long. They would start talking about one thing and then one or the other would remember something that it reminded them of and they were on to a new subject. Hannibal loved talking with Will. Will was a very intelligent man and he took comfort in knowing he found someone whom he could talk to on almost the same level. Sometimes Will made Hannibal laugh when he asked to explain a certain word or phrase that he didn’t understand. But that was Will, always eager to learn the meaning of something new. That’s why, Hannibal thought, that he loved the man. With Will he could be himself. Will had accepted the way Hannibal’s mind worked and Hannibal knew that if he never killed again he would never lose Will. He was willing to give up killing if it meant that Will was all his.
Hannibal pulled into the parking lot of a very nice looking restaurant. As they both got out Hannibal noticed a look of slight embarrassment on Will’s face. He knew that Will rarely dined at such expensive restaurants and that the price of the meals made him uncomfortable.
“Will remember that this is my treat and don’t even think about the price of the meal.” Will looked over at Hannibal.
“Do you know that you told me that every time we went to a nice restaurant?” Hannibal smiled.
“Yes I do, and I seem to remember that every time it helped and you enjoyed yourself.” Will nodded.
“Yes I did.”
“Come let us dine.” Hannibal said as he started walking towards the entrance. Once he and Will were seated they looked over their menus and made their decisions on their meals. While waiting for their food they lapsed back into the calm conversations from the car ride. Hannibal smiled at Will. Will was sharing more and more about him, his life, and his feelings than Hannibal had ever heard. Will put so much trust in him. On a few topics Hannibal shared small bit of his past. He wanted to trust Will with all his heart but he couldn’t not yet. Soon he thought, soon he would just not yet. Once their food arrived they ate in silence, every now and then making comments about how it reminded them about something, but the conversation never lasted long before they fell back into the comfortable silence. Once they were done eating and the waitress brought the check over and Hannibal paid for it quickly not letting Will see the total. The man worried about so much, too much for his own good sometimes. They got up and made their way back to his car.
Trust me,
You are the one
Once they reached Will’s house and Hannibal had parked his car in Will driveway Will turned and looked at him.
“Would you like to come in?” Hannibal smiled at Will.
“Yes Will. I would like that very much.” They got out of his car and Hannibal followed Will up to his door. Will hadn’t locked it when they left so he open the door and moved so Hannibal could go in first. Will soon followed him and shut his door. He walked past Hannibal and started for the kitchen. Hannibal followed him. Will got down two wine glasses and retrieved the Chianti from the fridge. He poured them each a glass, handed one to Hannibal.
“Let’s sit in the living room.”
“That would be fine by me Will.” Hannibal said as he followed Will into the living room. Will sat down on his couch and Hannibal sat next to him. Close but not so close that it would make Will uncomfortable. Will took a sip of his wine, set the glass on the coffee table and looked at Hannibal, looking right into his eyes.
“Hannibal?” Will said softly. Hannibal looked deeply at Will.
“Yes Will.”
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to do for awhile.” Hannibal smiled. He knew what Will was asking. He’s wanted to do the same thing for awhile as well.
“Yes Will.”
“May I kiss you?” Will asked, blushing slightly.
“Of course Will. You may.” Will leaned in close to Hannibal and put his hands on Hannibal’s shoulder. Hannibal inhaled Will’s scent deeply and then Will’s lips touched his. They were soft, so soft. He kissed back tenderly and set his glass down on the table without looking. Will had closed his eyes and Hannibal let his eyes drift shut as he wrapped his arms around Will. Yes he had wanted to do this for so long. It felt so good, more perfect then he imaged. He opened his mouth and ran his tongue across Will’s lips. Slowly Will opened his lips allowing Hannibal access to his mouth. Hannibal pulled Will close to him as he deepened the kiss. Yes he was never letting Will go now. Will was all his and he was all Will’s. As they broke their kiss for air Hannibal gazed into Will’s eyes seeing peace there. He couldn’t be sure but his eyes might have the same look to them. Yes he would find peace with Will. Will would help him with his own demons. Everything would be okay. Hannibal lays down on the couch pulling Will with him so they are laying almost side by side, Will is slightly on top of him. He kisses Will’s forehead as he holds him close. Yes Hannibal Lecter just might be able to love finally. Hannibal Lecter believes he has fallen in love with Will Graham.
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart,
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask,
As Will cuddled closer to Hannibal he realized he would be okay. He had found peace in the place most people don’t look. Hannibal would look after him as he looked after Hannibal. They would finally have a happy life together. No demons from either of their past to stop them anymore. Will Graham had faced his greatest fear. Will Graham had found love.
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart