Five months in, four dates out
Been single five months today. Four dates down. Two white guys, two Korean guys. One set-up/double date; one where the guy approached me online; one where I approached the guy online; and one where we met in person at an event and I got asked out the old-fashioned way, via email.
One make-out session. A second date tentatively booked with the make-out partner (but I'm going to cancel, because I think he just wants to mess around and I don't feel like spending a whole second date fending him off). One new bar discovery, one new coffee house experience, and two new restaurants -- a ceviche bar and a tortas joint -- that I will definitely go back to. And discovering that I like drinking Old-Fashioneds better than Manhattans.
All in all, it's been an eye-opening and fun experience going on all these dates. I surpassed my therapist's expectations (and mine) by 100 percent. I will continue to be open to going on dates, mainly because it's a way to still have opportunities to check out new places and things. Last week I went to a writers' happy hour at the W, and made myself go in alone and meet people even though I really wanted to wait in the hotel lobby and play with my iPhone until my very tardy friends arrived. I wound up practicing my small-talk skills with some lovely folks and had a great time.
My date yesterday was fun. The guy was better-looking than I remembered, and much more my type as white guys go (boyishly cute as opposed to ruggedly manly...I will take Legolas/Orlando Bloom over Aragorn/Viggo Mortenson any day). We met at a ceviche bar and got a sampler plate of six different kinds of ceviche. We sat outside in the heat and washed it all down with Pacificos that he'd brought. After polishing off the ceviche, we decamped and met up again at a tortas place a mile down the street. I liked the guy enough that I'd like to be friends, so I deliberately insisted on paying at the tortas place. We got through half our tortas before we had to stop, stuffed. We hugged good-bye and he promised to email me some new restaurant information, and Date #4 was done. I mean, who knows if he ever thought it was a date, but I am counting it as one, even though I turned it into a friend outing midway through.
Anyway, now that I've gotten to four dates, I feel like I can stand down a bit. I'll still look online and stuff, and if I get asked out, I'll be more open to saying yes (although I was just messaged on OKCupid by a 53-year-old white guy who used to have a ponytail until he lost his hair to chemo, which he is still undergoing...I am going to write back and politely say no, for so many reasons). If someone really catches my eye, I'll give it a go. Otherwise I'm just going to take a break. Dating is exhausting. Going out is exhausting. Meeting new people and constantly pushing yourself to get out of your comfort zone is exhausting. I totally see the benefits of doing it all, though, and will keep trying.
But a part of me badly wishes I could go back in time a year. Or ten.
One make-out session. A second date tentatively booked with the make-out partner (but I'm going to cancel, because I think he just wants to mess around and I don't feel like spending a whole second date fending him off). One new bar discovery, one new coffee house experience, and two new restaurants -- a ceviche bar and a tortas joint -- that I will definitely go back to. And discovering that I like drinking Old-Fashioneds better than Manhattans.
All in all, it's been an eye-opening and fun experience going on all these dates. I surpassed my therapist's expectations (and mine) by 100 percent. I will continue to be open to going on dates, mainly because it's a way to still have opportunities to check out new places and things. Last week I went to a writers' happy hour at the W, and made myself go in alone and meet people even though I really wanted to wait in the hotel lobby and play with my iPhone until my very tardy friends arrived. I wound up practicing my small-talk skills with some lovely folks and had a great time.
My date yesterday was fun. The guy was better-looking than I remembered, and much more my type as white guys go (boyishly cute as opposed to ruggedly manly...I will take Legolas/Orlando Bloom over Aragorn/Viggo Mortenson any day). We met at a ceviche bar and got a sampler plate of six different kinds of ceviche. We sat outside in the heat and washed it all down with Pacificos that he'd brought. After polishing off the ceviche, we decamped and met up again at a tortas place a mile down the street. I liked the guy enough that I'd like to be friends, so I deliberately insisted on paying at the tortas place. We got through half our tortas before we had to stop, stuffed. We hugged good-bye and he promised to email me some new restaurant information, and Date #4 was done. I mean, who knows if he ever thought it was a date, but I am counting it as one, even though I turned it into a friend outing midway through.
Anyway, now that I've gotten to four dates, I feel like I can stand down a bit. I'll still look online and stuff, and if I get asked out, I'll be more open to saying yes (although I was just messaged on OKCupid by a 53-year-old white guy who used to have a ponytail until he lost his hair to chemo, which he is still undergoing...I am going to write back and politely say no, for so many reasons). If someone really catches my eye, I'll give it a go. Otherwise I'm just going to take a break. Dating is exhausting. Going out is exhausting. Meeting new people and constantly pushing yourself to get out of your comfort zone is exhausting. I totally see the benefits of doing it all, though, and will keep trying.
But a part of me badly wishes I could go back in time a year. Or ten.