oh dear
So life, yes life
Lets see.
Lately i haven't had much of anyone to talk to, i've been doing a lot of thinking. Things have been going decently i suppose. Not being enrolled in school is really scary. I feel almost guilty that i'm not a 'student', but i'm working on changing that. This failure, last year as a whole was probably the biggest mistake i NEEDED to make. I'm growing up now. I've been able to hide behind my grades at school, or my paycheck from work for so long. Using them as an excuse for not going out, not doing anything. "I'm always working i would say...", or "I have work to do, i can't...". Now i can't hide anymore, i HAVE to live. Theres no more putting it off. It's almost funny how i had some of the most leniant parents of pretty much everyone i knew, and that in turn led me to this habit of thinking i was invincible, I can't do anything wrong..... Well i did. I did a lot of wrong. And i apologize to everyone i involved. Now is my time to grow. I am an adult, i need to take care of myself, stop trying to please everyone, i need to become Jonathan Pierce Navagh.
This change had not been turbulent-less. I basically wasted 6000 buckaroos; probably hurt a girl i loved, more than i ever could have imagined; put my parents through hell; embarassed myself; and i don't know what else.
But anyways, in less life changing events. My mom, brother, and I drove home from work the other week, and we all sang Journey 'Don't Stop Believin' together, and it was the coolest thing ever. Also, i finally took my 5-hour pre-licensing course last week, and it was one of the coolest experiences of my life. It was in this shitty little business downtown. And people worked there, and made a living out of it. These people didn't graduate from college and they are living there lives enjoyably(word?). I love seeing that life doesn't end after failure. I kinda feel almost good that life can be fun even without graduating. I don't think i would ever be satisfied with myself if i didn't get an education, I feel i'm a little better than selling myself that short. But, back to the course. It was such a diverse group of people. Ther was me, a white 18 year old who flunked out of school, this like 30-something black guy who was one of the coolest people ever that got in a car accident and his license was revoked, this like 20 year old mother girl, and a handicapped El Salvador-ian who was an alcoholic, and then this like russian guy who didn't understand any english. I just loved seeing such a cultural melting pot. And then, during my lunch break, i walked around downtown, and stopped to hear a bad playing in some square and just jammed out to it for a bit, then wandered some more. That was a satisfying day for me.
On another note, i now have a road test scheduled and am thinking about buying a car soon. I'm probably going to need one if i want to return to school. Plus, i think its past due that i accept that i need to drive. Which brings me to applying to OCC. I need to return to a community college to work my GPA back up to an acceptable level, hopefully then i will be able to reapply to a school where i can look into things i want to do with myself. I keep coming back to teaching and thats what makes me think i might want to go to Oswego. They supposedly have a great education department, and i guess thats where one goes for such a degree.
i cant really think of what else i wanted to say, thats all for now!
Lets see.
Lately i haven't had much of anyone to talk to, i've been doing a lot of thinking. Things have been going decently i suppose. Not being enrolled in school is really scary. I feel almost guilty that i'm not a 'student', but i'm working on changing that. This failure, last year as a whole was probably the biggest mistake i NEEDED to make. I'm growing up now. I've been able to hide behind my grades at school, or my paycheck from work for so long. Using them as an excuse for not going out, not doing anything. "I'm always working i would say...", or "I have work to do, i can't...". Now i can't hide anymore, i HAVE to live. Theres no more putting it off. It's almost funny how i had some of the most leniant parents of pretty much everyone i knew, and that in turn led me to this habit of thinking i was invincible, I can't do anything wrong..... Well i did. I did a lot of wrong. And i apologize to everyone i involved. Now is my time to grow. I am an adult, i need to take care of myself, stop trying to please everyone, i need to become Jonathan Pierce Navagh.
This change had not been turbulent-less. I basically wasted 6000 buckaroos; probably hurt a girl i loved, more than i ever could have imagined; put my parents through hell; embarassed myself; and i don't know what else.
But anyways, in less life changing events. My mom, brother, and I drove home from work the other week, and we all sang Journey 'Don't Stop Believin' together, and it was the coolest thing ever. Also, i finally took my 5-hour pre-licensing course last week, and it was one of the coolest experiences of my life. It was in this shitty little business downtown. And people worked there, and made a living out of it. These people didn't graduate from college and they are living there lives enjoyably(word?). I love seeing that life doesn't end after failure. I kinda feel almost good that life can be fun even without graduating. I don't think i would ever be satisfied with myself if i didn't get an education, I feel i'm a little better than selling myself that short. But, back to the course. It was such a diverse group of people. Ther was me, a white 18 year old who flunked out of school, this like 30-something black guy who was one of the coolest people ever that got in a car accident and his license was revoked, this like 20 year old mother girl, and a handicapped El Salvador-ian who was an alcoholic, and then this like russian guy who didn't understand any english. I just loved seeing such a cultural melting pot. And then, during my lunch break, i walked around downtown, and stopped to hear a bad playing in some square and just jammed out to it for a bit, then wandered some more. That was a satisfying day for me.
On another note, i now have a road test scheduled and am thinking about buying a car soon. I'm probably going to need one if i want to return to school. Plus, i think its past due that i accept that i need to drive. Which brings me to applying to OCC. I need to return to a community college to work my GPA back up to an acceptable level, hopefully then i will be able to reapply to a school where i can look into things i want to do with myself. I keep coming back to teaching and thats what makes me think i might want to go to Oswego. They supposedly have a great education department, and i guess thats where one goes for such a degree.
i cant really think of what else i wanted to say, thats all for now!