#$@$%$^%%!!%^!^^$&*^%&%@$
Ok i'm going to actually use this as a journal.
Let me start by saying, this is not going to be my normal cheery self on here, i'm tired of putting on my happy face when i've felt like shit for the past, like, few months.
I really don't think college was the right choice for me at this point in my life. Last year was senior year, and like normal seniors i didn't do a whole lot of work for classes, and such. Luckily, my school sucked so i was able to squeek by by making up the work like at the end of the year, but trust me i shouldn't have passed much. Now, back then i thought it was just that i was a senior.
Ok this is too formal, i just wanted to rant....
Take 2-
I'm doing terrible here at school. I think i made a wrong choice by pursuing college right after high school. i really did shitty last year, and i thought that it was just because i was a senior, but im doing the same exact shit here. I just put stuff off, and i put stuff and i tell myself i can do the work later, cause for some odd reason i've convinced myself i'm a genius and i can do a quarters worth of work at 5am on the day before its all due. i just feel like i shouldn't be in school. I have the worst feeling being here, i try and do all the work and i don't and then i get a little behind and i tell myself i can finish it, and then i don't do it and then i don't want to face the teacher who will ask for it so i don't go to class that day and then i don't go the next day and then i don't know the assignments because ive missed so many classes, and i still haven't done the first assignment that i didn't go to the classes for in the first place. Thats basically the way both of these quarters have gone.
I really, and i am being so serious when i say this, i WANT to do good here, i WANT to be at college challenging myself with academics and such. but, i am not putting my mind to it, i don't know what my problem is at all, and i'm starting to piss the rest of the world, and my fucking self off. I hate that im not doing any work, i hate that i just think about all the work i have to do, i hate that im just coasting through the classes that i do pass. I WANT to learn at college, and thats NOT what im doing. Right now, i'm passing classes, not learning. So this is how ive come to the conclusion that i just don't feel like ive made the right choice by coming here to RIT. i followed the normal high 90's high school student's response when asked if i wanted to go to college. Everyone who showed a glimmer of smarts is just assumed to plan on going to college, and i do want to go to college, and i said i wanted to go to college, i don't think the very year after i fucked arounf with high school so bad was the year i should have started though. I dont have a work ethic fit for this place, and i hate that im so lazy. It also pisses me off that i just rant about this shit and havent done much about it.
I just dont want to be one of those kids who changes colleges a million times and changes majors, Everyone preaches we should have an idea of what we want to do in life, and i dont fucking know right now. Im fucking 18.....right now in life, i want to have a girlfriend i can spend time with, and play video games and eat ice cream without getting fat. I dont want to subject myself to school.
i dont even know what im talking about anymore, but i know im really pissed and i cant even think straight right now. maybe ill post a cohesive entry later when i can formulate thoughts.
Let me start by saying, this is not going to be my normal cheery self on here, i'm tired of putting on my happy face when i've felt like shit for the past, like, few months.
I really don't think college was the right choice for me at this point in my life. Last year was senior year, and like normal seniors i didn't do a whole lot of work for classes, and such. Luckily, my school sucked so i was able to squeek by by making up the work like at the end of the year, but trust me i shouldn't have passed much. Now, back then i thought it was just that i was a senior.
Ok this is too formal, i just wanted to rant....
Take 2-
I'm doing terrible here at school. I think i made a wrong choice by pursuing college right after high school. i really did shitty last year, and i thought that it was just because i was a senior, but im doing the same exact shit here. I just put stuff off, and i put stuff and i tell myself i can do the work later, cause for some odd reason i've convinced myself i'm a genius and i can do a quarters worth of work at 5am on the day before its all due. i just feel like i shouldn't be in school. I have the worst feeling being here, i try and do all the work and i don't and then i get a little behind and i tell myself i can finish it, and then i don't do it and then i don't want to face the teacher who will ask for it so i don't go to class that day and then i don't go the next day and then i don't know the assignments because ive missed so many classes, and i still haven't done the first assignment that i didn't go to the classes for in the first place. Thats basically the way both of these quarters have gone.
I really, and i am being so serious when i say this, i WANT to do good here, i WANT to be at college challenging myself with academics and such. but, i am not putting my mind to it, i don't know what my problem is at all, and i'm starting to piss the rest of the world, and my fucking self off. I hate that im not doing any work, i hate that i just think about all the work i have to do, i hate that im just coasting through the classes that i do pass. I WANT to learn at college, and thats NOT what im doing. Right now, i'm passing classes, not learning. So this is how ive come to the conclusion that i just don't feel like ive made the right choice by coming here to RIT. i followed the normal high 90's high school student's response when asked if i wanted to go to college. Everyone who showed a glimmer of smarts is just assumed to plan on going to college, and i do want to go to college, and i said i wanted to go to college, i don't think the very year after i fucked arounf with high school so bad was the year i should have started though. I dont have a work ethic fit for this place, and i hate that im so lazy. It also pisses me off that i just rant about this shit and havent done much about it.
I just dont want to be one of those kids who changes colleges a million times and changes majors, Everyone preaches we should have an idea of what we want to do in life, and i dont fucking know right now. Im fucking 18.....right now in life, i want to have a girlfriend i can spend time with, and play video games and eat ice cream without getting fat. I dont want to subject myself to school.
i dont even know what im talking about anymore, but i know im really pissed and i cant even think straight right now. maybe ill post a cohesive entry later when i can formulate thoughts.