weird
today was an okay day. coulda gone a lot better, coulda gone a lot worse. fuck this ...
* * * *
i feel trapt. a fairy tale setting almost. where is my prince in shining armor? why doesn't he come sooner? i'm too much of a realist to feel this way. for this short moment i want to just fuck everything and trust my gut instinct on a lot. as i was thinking about myself today i imagined a faery trapt inside a cage. this is me. my imaginations, hopes, dreams, fantasy all bottled up inside this cage. the realism is that the cage is locked and i can't open it up. the only times i have been able to express this is when i do artistic things, or maybe the only reason why my pics are so good is b/c i'm one of few who have caged up this fantasy. i have told people (and still stand by it) that if you don't go looking for love, love will come to you. i've never liked my fortune to get read b/c if they can tell the future i don't want to know about it. then you always think, now if i didn't know what they told me would i have still acted the same way? life's full of those great twists. kinda makes me feel like i'm in the matrix or something. i love those smiles that just make you melt. and boston accents, oh yea, those are so hot. i wanna kiss someone w/probably one of the cutests smiles i've ever seen ...
* * * *
that was weird. in fact, that was more so my heart talking than my head. probably why what i just wrote makes absolutely no sense. lol. back to my head ... hmm ...
i went and smoked up w/this wicked nice kid (b rad!) and then went to see the matrix revolutions. first of all, i thought that the matrix revolutions was the 2nd, not the 3rd one. so, i'm so high and i'm watching this damn movie. after about an hour i turn to b rad and say "wtf?! i don't remember any of this shit!" yes, big dumbass. lol, then, i watched it some more and realized that it had to be the 3rd. *sigh* i must be filling my head w/so many terms that i can't remember the easy shit like that. seriously though, my memory has turned to mush. i can't remember shit anymore. it's the worst. i can never remember what the fucking professor said if i'm writting something down and trying to listen at the same time. i never had that problem though! ... bastard tree(s). lol. speaking of b rad, i asked him tonight if i could tape his ankle (athletic training major, give me a break, lol) and he said yes as long as he could give me a massage after! holy fuck! if any of you want to give me a massage, please feel free. i give everyone the permission from now until forever. yayness! so i get to tape him and then i get a massage!
it's a good thing for certain ppl b/c w/o them i would be a mess. i can feel my depression starting to come back and after talking to a few ppl i already feel a little bit better. idk, some days i just have those moods for no reason! gah! must get rid of it! kill kill kill!
i just told watts he could take pics of me (partially nude) for his photography class. lol, eh ... i guess i could see it as practice for when i actually go to model. it'll be fun. plus, i'm told that it gets you more comfortable w/your body, something i need.
* * * *
i feel trapt. a fairy tale setting almost. where is my prince in shining armor? why doesn't he come sooner? i'm too much of a realist to feel this way. for this short moment i want to just fuck everything and trust my gut instinct on a lot. as i was thinking about myself today i imagined a faery trapt inside a cage. this is me. my imaginations, hopes, dreams, fantasy all bottled up inside this cage. the realism is that the cage is locked and i can't open it up. the only times i have been able to express this is when i do artistic things, or maybe the only reason why my pics are so good is b/c i'm one of few who have caged up this fantasy. i have told people (and still stand by it) that if you don't go looking for love, love will come to you. i've never liked my fortune to get read b/c if they can tell the future i don't want to know about it. then you always think, now if i didn't know what they told me would i have still acted the same way? life's full of those great twists. kinda makes me feel like i'm in the matrix or something. i love those smiles that just make you melt. and boston accents, oh yea, those are so hot. i wanna kiss someone w/probably one of the cutests smiles i've ever seen ...
* * * *
that was weird. in fact, that was more so my heart talking than my head. probably why what i just wrote makes absolutely no sense. lol. back to my head ... hmm ...
i went and smoked up w/this wicked nice kid (b rad!) and then went to see the matrix revolutions. first of all, i thought that the matrix revolutions was the 2nd, not the 3rd one. so, i'm so high and i'm watching this damn movie. after about an hour i turn to b rad and say "wtf?! i don't remember any of this shit!" yes, big dumbass. lol, then, i watched it some more and realized that it had to be the 3rd. *sigh* i must be filling my head w/so many terms that i can't remember the easy shit like that. seriously though, my memory has turned to mush. i can't remember shit anymore. it's the worst. i can never remember what the fucking professor said if i'm writting something down and trying to listen at the same time. i never had that problem though! ... bastard tree(s). lol. speaking of b rad, i asked him tonight if i could tape his ankle (athletic training major, give me a break, lol) and he said yes as long as he could give me a massage after! holy fuck! if any of you want to give me a massage, please feel free. i give everyone the permission from now until forever. yayness! so i get to tape him and then i get a massage!
it's a good thing for certain ppl b/c w/o them i would be a mess. i can feel my depression starting to come back and after talking to a few ppl i already feel a little bit better. idk, some days i just have those moods for no reason! gah! must get rid of it! kill kill kill!
i just told watts he could take pics of me (partially nude) for his photography class. lol, eh ... i guess i could see it as practice for when i actually go to model. it'll be fun. plus, i'm told that it gets you more comfortable w/your body, something i need.