Whenever i want you, all i have to do... is dream..... dream dream dream
out here my dreams sometimes rule my life, i am awake 3 hours before i need to be, and i was waking up 2 hours before i actually had to.
the haunting dream in my mind just wouldnt let me go.
she wouldnt.
i realize how sick and pathetic it is to still have these emotions and feelings after so long, but we all know they are there so why pretend like they arent.
so i guess i should just tell u the dream as best i can.
it starts in a hotel room in some foreign country. we are all there to tour the city on our own and have a good time.
in my room:
ed, we all know ed
jon moher, a kid who i've known since elementary school who i havent seen since graduation. he was the shyest person in our school district, even ed made him seem popular by comparrison, but in the dream he had gained some major charisma, it was stunning.
and alex kellenberger, a kid from a grade below me in highschool who i had to stop hanging out with because id go to his parties and lindsay would show up and all his friends would hit on her, in the dram he is the only one who didnt change at all.
as im unpacking late in the night because we arrived at like 10pm, lindsay walks into the room to use our bathroom because she saw alex leaving the room, recognized a familiar face and her room wasnt sorted out yet and yeah.
as soon as she walks into the bathroom (i am speechless once i see her) jon talks about how he'd tap that, and ed pulls him outside to a late dinner and explains things to him. he sticks his head in and apologizes and they leave.
lindsay walks out of the bathroom and sees me alone and sits on the bed to talk to me.
shes smiling just like i remember and just like i see her smiling in so many pictures today.
and my heart breaks for her, yearns for her. and we talk for about half an hour and decide to go to dinner. we go to dinner, everyone is there and we just sit and smile and have a good time. i just want her in my arms so badly, and we spend more of the trip hanging out, to the point of watching a movie in her room while her mates are gone.
then, at the next dinner, she must have gotten scared by it or something cause she just starts saying, no drew, this isnt happening, i wont let it happen, i wont let u happen again. and she leaves me standing in front of a fountain.
then i see karl and one of his old girlfriends with a camera crew, they were in the same city as us filming a reality tv show about giving ur ex another shot. and they got back together. and i spent the rest of my time roaming around the city, visiting all the places i wasnt supposed to see in art museums and on one pillar, it says "Deborah's Stage Door" the dance studio i used to work for, and it brought up all these memories of how i loved to see lindsay dance, and how she used to be happy on her own and not drink or carouse or any of that stuff. i used to be able to make her smile so easily, then i woke in a sweat shaking, almost crying in my sleep.
fuck my brain
it showed everyone's maturation as i imagine them today. ed was outgoing as he is becoming, jon moher got out of his awkward phase, lindsay was a social butterfly but only with a beer in her hand. but when she was with me in the restaurants even though everyone else was drinking, we werent and she still was happy, the whole thing was... disturbing
it made me long for those days of purity. and as soon as i got out of bed i thought about the things in my life i would change for her. just small things, that have no bearing on who i really am. like giving up pot for her and going back on my meds, quitting smoking, all things that would in the end be better for my health, and she would be better for my sanity.
but all i remember is that even if those changes are made, i cant have her, and never will again.
the man, the myth, the legend...............'cause i'm drew fry goddammitt
the haunting dream in my mind just wouldnt let me go.
she wouldnt.
i realize how sick and pathetic it is to still have these emotions and feelings after so long, but we all know they are there so why pretend like they arent.
so i guess i should just tell u the dream as best i can.
it starts in a hotel room in some foreign country. we are all there to tour the city on our own and have a good time.
in my room:
ed, we all know ed
jon moher, a kid who i've known since elementary school who i havent seen since graduation. he was the shyest person in our school district, even ed made him seem popular by comparrison, but in the dream he had gained some major charisma, it was stunning.
and alex kellenberger, a kid from a grade below me in highschool who i had to stop hanging out with because id go to his parties and lindsay would show up and all his friends would hit on her, in the dram he is the only one who didnt change at all.
as im unpacking late in the night because we arrived at like 10pm, lindsay walks into the room to use our bathroom because she saw alex leaving the room, recognized a familiar face and her room wasnt sorted out yet and yeah.
as soon as she walks into the bathroom (i am speechless once i see her) jon talks about how he'd tap that, and ed pulls him outside to a late dinner and explains things to him. he sticks his head in and apologizes and they leave.
lindsay walks out of the bathroom and sees me alone and sits on the bed to talk to me.
shes smiling just like i remember and just like i see her smiling in so many pictures today.
and my heart breaks for her, yearns for her. and we talk for about half an hour and decide to go to dinner. we go to dinner, everyone is there and we just sit and smile and have a good time. i just want her in my arms so badly, and we spend more of the trip hanging out, to the point of watching a movie in her room while her mates are gone.
then, at the next dinner, she must have gotten scared by it or something cause she just starts saying, no drew, this isnt happening, i wont let it happen, i wont let u happen again. and she leaves me standing in front of a fountain.
then i see karl and one of his old girlfriends with a camera crew, they were in the same city as us filming a reality tv show about giving ur ex another shot. and they got back together. and i spent the rest of my time roaming around the city, visiting all the places i wasnt supposed to see in art museums and on one pillar, it says "Deborah's Stage Door" the dance studio i used to work for, and it brought up all these memories of how i loved to see lindsay dance, and how she used to be happy on her own and not drink or carouse or any of that stuff. i used to be able to make her smile so easily, then i woke in a sweat shaking, almost crying in my sleep.
fuck my brain
it showed everyone's maturation as i imagine them today. ed was outgoing as he is becoming, jon moher got out of his awkward phase, lindsay was a social butterfly but only with a beer in her hand. but when she was with me in the restaurants even though everyone else was drinking, we werent and she still was happy, the whole thing was... disturbing
it made me long for those days of purity. and as soon as i got out of bed i thought about the things in my life i would change for her. just small things, that have no bearing on who i really am. like giving up pot for her and going back on my meds, quitting smoking, all things that would in the end be better for my health, and she would be better for my sanity.
but all i remember is that even if those changes are made, i cant have her, and never will again.
the man, the myth, the legend...............'cause i'm drew fry goddammitt