We're all of us scared of what will happen
How goes it for everyone on the other side of the computer?
It's generally boring over here but when you've got people around you can be amused...or completely scared.
One of my friends has been all suicidal and it's not fun. It's scary and I don't know what to do. I ran outside with no shoes or socks on the other night. Joan came in and told us that he was being really serious about the suicide thing and so I ran out there because I wanted to tell him I was sorry for being a prat. (He'd made me angry the other night cause he treated me like a speck of dirt on his favorite trousers...and so I was a right prat to show him what it felt like) I cried secretly..he doesn't know...I don't think. Probably thought that I was shivering cause I was outside with no shoes, socks, or jacket on. I don't think I'll tell him any differently. It took a lot of work to make my voice sound normal...and it still didn't. It sounded small and scared but it wasn't shaky and didn't give away the fact that I was crying.
I told him that we loved him so so much and he should know that. And he got mad at Joan for telling us. So I told him that she did it because she cared about him which is a good thing and that we all cared about him. And I was all, "Don't leave us Pauly. Please don't leave us." Finally he decided to come inside and we were all glad that he did. As we were going in he started crying and I hugged him and let him cry on my shoulder. I was all scared but I hope that if he starts thinking about it again, he'll come find one of us. That way we can talk to him about it. We're all smiling and pretending that everything's ok for him so he won't notice that when he isn't looking we're watching him to see what to expect.
This is of course...due to the fact that he slept with this guy Cory last semester. They'd only known each other for like 10 min. That was a little stupid..but you can't change these things. Well it was his first..so..naturally he had feelings towards Cory. And...of course...Cory didn't have any towards him. So when Cory left and didn't want to love him he felt like a piece of shit.
Then Cory came back..and invited him over. He went..which was stupid. Lindsey, Chris, and I went over to save him but we couldn't. Then I went back over and he was all, "Are you guys done being boring now?" and was generally acting all high and mighty. So I left and he didn't even acknowledge that I had. I was pissy and when he came back I didn't show him any sympathy at all because I didn't want to hear it. I pretty much was all angry and glarey and it probably wasn't the best thing to do...but when you piss me off..these things happen.
So of course we found out that Cory made out with his friend and was saying that he couldn't find anyone decent on campus which hurt Paul. So he was all suicidal..and we had the RAs call a counselor and we all went and sat in Chris' room while they talked and talked amongst ourselves. And that's what's been going on.
So..yeah. This is me...being scared shitless. Someone tell me what to do. I don't know anymore.
It's generally boring over here but when you've got people around you can be amused...or completely scared.
One of my friends has been all suicidal and it's not fun. It's scary and I don't know what to do. I ran outside with no shoes or socks on the other night. Joan came in and told us that he was being really serious about the suicide thing and so I ran out there because I wanted to tell him I was sorry for being a prat. (He'd made me angry the other night cause he treated me like a speck of dirt on his favorite trousers...and so I was a right prat to show him what it felt like) I cried secretly..he doesn't know...I don't think. Probably thought that I was shivering cause I was outside with no shoes, socks, or jacket on. I don't think I'll tell him any differently. It took a lot of work to make my voice sound normal...and it still didn't. It sounded small and scared but it wasn't shaky and didn't give away the fact that I was crying.
I told him that we loved him so so much and he should know that. And he got mad at Joan for telling us. So I told him that she did it because she cared about him which is a good thing and that we all cared about him. And I was all, "Don't leave us Pauly. Please don't leave us." Finally he decided to come inside and we were all glad that he did. As we were going in he started crying and I hugged him and let him cry on my shoulder. I was all scared but I hope that if he starts thinking about it again, he'll come find one of us. That way we can talk to him about it. We're all smiling and pretending that everything's ok for him so he won't notice that when he isn't looking we're watching him to see what to expect.
This is of course...due to the fact that he slept with this guy Cory last semester. They'd only known each other for like 10 min. That was a little stupid..but you can't change these things. Well it was his first..so..naturally he had feelings towards Cory. And...of course...Cory didn't have any towards him. So when Cory left and didn't want to love him he felt like a piece of shit.
Then Cory came back..and invited him over. He went..which was stupid. Lindsey, Chris, and I went over to save him but we couldn't. Then I went back over and he was all, "Are you guys done being boring now?" and was generally acting all high and mighty. So I left and he didn't even acknowledge that I had. I was pissy and when he came back I didn't show him any sympathy at all because I didn't want to hear it. I pretty much was all angry and glarey and it probably wasn't the best thing to do...but when you piss me off..these things happen.
So of course we found out that Cory made out with his friend and was saying that he couldn't find anyone decent on campus which hurt Paul. So he was all suicidal..and we had the RAs call a counselor and we all went and sat in Chris' room while they talked and talked amongst ourselves. And that's what's been going on.
So..yeah. This is me...being scared shitless. Someone tell me what to do. I don't know anymore.