I hate everything!!!
I cleaned out Diesel's cage today, nasty dead snake skin all over the place. Yeah he shed, ewww...still has a bit to go. As for the subject! Yeah I do hate everything, especially the relationship I'm in. I wish I would have stuck with my promise to myself of never being in a long distance relationship again. I"m regretting not going to Germany, then I wouldn't have met any guys because guys don't like girls who play hockey I guess. My aunt sent me a really nice email about how girls are like apples, it made me cry. I just wish that was the case for me. I'm pissed. I want things to be better. I need a friend and I have none, I have nobody to hang out with, that's what I get for making friends who live so far away and losing contact with the ones from school. I don't call people, people don't call me. That's what I get, I'm doomed to live by myself and drink alone. Words of an alcoholic right there, but I"m not one quite yet. Maybe this year things will change down at school, but I'm sure with my luck that won't happen. I just want my eyes to dry up, I don't want to feel pain, I want to feel like somebody appreciates me, I don't want to feel empty any more like I have for so many years before. I want to be my old self when I didn't give a shit about anybody, that I didn't care, but I know I was never like that. I never got attached to people though, now that's changed, I'm going soft and I want my heart to be mended. I want to pack up and leave. When I go to Arkansas maybe I won't come back, maybe I won't come back when I go to North Carolina. I hope that's the case. If I get hurt one more time I"m going to fly of the fucking handle and things are going to get dark, and ugly. Make the pain go away.