All you need is Love...
Hurricane Frances is a bitch.
But then again, so is everyone else lately. I can’t even begin to emphasize on how shitty this week has been. This bitch of a storm has only made it worse. Don’t get me wrong, I love hurricanes more than anyone. I mean, it’s a sickness, I know, but I think they’re beautiful things. Usually, storms bring you closer to people but this one has done the complete opposite in my family. Everyone’s realizing how much everyone really sucks and hasn’t had any problems in letting everyone else know. It’s not just family for me though; it’s the whole trust issue arising again. I’m not going to really accentuate the subject, but I’d like nothing more but to crawl away in a whole for a while. But see, that’s just the problem. Affiliation plays a huge role in this issue and since I’ve been lacking it, the entire meaning behind this situation has dwindled and I’m afraid someone may be the cause of an even larger drift. Shit’s not the same anymore. It won’t be with school or with my lack of transportation. I don’t understand why things can’t go well for me in a steady pace. I feel so alone. People will tell me different; that they’re there whenever I need them, but that’s not true. Everyone else has their own lives and it seems like mine has been parallel from those who I care for. I don’t even know who or what to trust in. It’s like, where do I go from here? I hope this hurricane hooks southwest. I hope for lots of things but whenever I do, they never happen. So, maybe I shouldn’t hope so much. I feel very, very lost. At least I stopped the whole crying routine but it will surely start up again today. I hope everyone’s safe though. These past few weeks have really sucked. I hate myself for letting my life become such a mess and not being happy but trying so hard to please in the process. I’m not a good person, though. I need to stop convincing myself the opposite. I take up space. I want to do something right for once, to not only make others happy, but myself. I always forget the second part. I need to go somewhere, but there’s no where to go. I’m so confused. I just want to feel love again. I haven’t in such a long while. I just want a random moment where I’m not expecting it and I don’t need to do anything to receive it. Where are you? I miss you.
P.S Please, someone save me from here.
Flushed down the toilet,
-Beth
But then again, so is everyone else lately. I can’t even begin to emphasize on how shitty this week has been. This bitch of a storm has only made it worse. Don’t get me wrong, I love hurricanes more than anyone. I mean, it’s a sickness, I know, but I think they’re beautiful things. Usually, storms bring you closer to people but this one has done the complete opposite in my family. Everyone’s realizing how much everyone really sucks and hasn’t had any problems in letting everyone else know. It’s not just family for me though; it’s the whole trust issue arising again. I’m not going to really accentuate the subject, but I’d like nothing more but to crawl away in a whole for a while. But see, that’s just the problem. Affiliation plays a huge role in this issue and since I’ve been lacking it, the entire meaning behind this situation has dwindled and I’m afraid someone may be the cause of an even larger drift. Shit’s not the same anymore. It won’t be with school or with my lack of transportation. I don’t understand why things can’t go well for me in a steady pace. I feel so alone. People will tell me different; that they’re there whenever I need them, but that’s not true. Everyone else has their own lives and it seems like mine has been parallel from those who I care for. I don’t even know who or what to trust in. It’s like, where do I go from here? I hope this hurricane hooks southwest. I hope for lots of things but whenever I do, they never happen. So, maybe I shouldn’t hope so much. I feel very, very lost. At least I stopped the whole crying routine but it will surely start up again today. I hope everyone’s safe though. These past few weeks have really sucked. I hate myself for letting my life become such a mess and not being happy but trying so hard to please in the process. I’m not a good person, though. I need to stop convincing myself the opposite. I take up space. I want to do something right for once, to not only make others happy, but myself. I always forget the second part. I need to go somewhere, but there’s no where to go. I’m so confused. I just want to feel love again. I haven’t in such a long while. I just want a random moment where I’m not expecting it and I don’t need to do anything to receive it. Where are you? I miss you.
P.S Please, someone save me from here.
Flushed down the toilet,
-Beth