Don't hang on, Run free yourself of me
Don’t bite down the bullet,
I decided to stay at home today. School just didn’t seem very meaningful and as if it would’ve been a long day. I was finally able to sleep, but not as well as I’d hoped for. It’s like you are only alive to haunt me in my dreams. You suck the life out of me even when I’m not awake. It’s kind of a turn on, really. It’s just memories of us, moments that won’t allow me to drown them out. They still want to exist, still hear the echoes of that promise we kept each other in the end, but you’re no where to be found. I’ve always believed in second chances but third strike and you’re out and I’m grateful for that. Then there’s the rebound whose guise wasn’t half as tricky as yours, but I went along with it anyway. Maybe it would suffocate those thoughts but instead, it amplified its subsistence. Now it’s just a means of how to turn him down without revealing my purpose for keeping him as long as I did. You always win, don’t you? I just want to have it, just one more time to prove to myself that I’m strong; even if I’m not…
My thoughts have been flooding onto paper lately. I guess it’s the only way for me to manage. It just helps, I suppose. Lack of sleep is horrible, it just does shit to you. I made the worst couscous today. Sucked ass...
Solid drips of your life
Puncturing my shoulder
Beating to your own rhythm
resting its lips on my chin
Release me, Love
For I have yet to swim
In this ocean of curiosity
These waves of understanding
undertows of infidelities
But you already placed that scarf
carelessly around my neck
Relishing in my bewilderment
Tightening it for your amusement
Just to see how far this takes me
and how much longer you can hold on
The threads have come undone, Dear
and I’ve chosen to let it die
It plays every note of the dirge song
So meticulously,
with such ease,
thread by thread
The cold air has strangled this moment
Raped it’s dignity with wandering eyes
Conspiring an ungracious affair
It haunts me with tainted winds
But you’ve always told me it’s too cold
to test these waters on my own
I glide my toes along the clear surface
free to take a dive
But I have no one there to tighten my scarf, Darling
To rescue me from this obscure fate
The voice of romance
Grasps me on this cold night
It shutters bleeding age
She smells of roses
But scent leaves me with a bitter truth
Love I could never hold
Life I could never claim
I hold you in in my soul
To mend the pieces
That once formed the road that lead us
But you've broken down
Lost in this form of speech
I can hear you
But can only see shuffled feet
My disappointment
Tongues of perverted silence
Beat its lashing immobility
Leave it untouched
To form a birth in this womb of pleasure
A child-like wind couldn’t even save you now
So I lower my eyes in your shadow
Growing closer to the sun’s realm
It’s a vile ache that seems to surround us
As it never fails to fill the emptiness with ruse
Absence is the purest form of love
And I was drowned in its verve
Deprived of its breath
Bleeding the red of our grayed decency
Here’s my soul coupled in verses
These broken moments-
linked by our separation
You’ve parted the sea
Now lie in it
inhale the salted essence
burning with every breath
Every captivation
Through the rapid steps
Racing to kneel at your throne
Sacrificing your cross
Your resurrection
Free me from the depths
undying moments
incomplete sentences
Come and take me down
Force it upon us
with your sanctified darkness
Breath by breath
You’ve torn the seam
and mended the restless inabilities
Incapable to fixate the noise
Entranced by my surrender
Sweet misunderstanding
Guide me towards the light
Far from where you are
I have to go shopping for Thanksgiving. Time for me to be a fat ass and love it. I'm totally not eating today. Just so I can savor in my gluttony and feel the food under my skin! Okay, that's kind of gross but you get the point. Ciao.
Choking on whys,
-Beth
I decided to stay at home today. School just didn’t seem very meaningful and as if it would’ve been a long day. I was finally able to sleep, but not as well as I’d hoped for. It’s like you are only alive to haunt me in my dreams. You suck the life out of me even when I’m not awake. It’s kind of a turn on, really. It’s just memories of us, moments that won’t allow me to drown them out. They still want to exist, still hear the echoes of that promise we kept each other in the end, but you’re no where to be found. I’ve always believed in second chances but third strike and you’re out and I’m grateful for that. Then there’s the rebound whose guise wasn’t half as tricky as yours, but I went along with it anyway. Maybe it would suffocate those thoughts but instead, it amplified its subsistence. Now it’s just a means of how to turn him down without revealing my purpose for keeping him as long as I did. You always win, don’t you? I just want to have it, just one more time to prove to myself that I’m strong; even if I’m not…
My thoughts have been flooding onto paper lately. I guess it’s the only way for me to manage. It just helps, I suppose. Lack of sleep is horrible, it just does shit to you. I made the worst couscous today. Sucked ass...
Solid drips of your life
Puncturing my shoulder
Beating to your own rhythm
resting its lips on my chin
Release me, Love
For I have yet to swim
In this ocean of curiosity
These waves of understanding
undertows of infidelities
But you already placed that scarf
carelessly around my neck
Relishing in my bewilderment
Tightening it for your amusement
Just to see how far this takes me
and how much longer you can hold on
The threads have come undone, Dear
and I’ve chosen to let it die
It plays every note of the dirge song
So meticulously,
with such ease,
thread by thread
The cold air has strangled this moment
Raped it’s dignity with wandering eyes
Conspiring an ungracious affair
It haunts me with tainted winds
But you’ve always told me it’s too cold
to test these waters on my own
I glide my toes along the clear surface
free to take a dive
But I have no one there to tighten my scarf, Darling
To rescue me from this obscure fate
The voice of romance
Grasps me on this cold night
It shutters bleeding age
She smells of roses
But scent leaves me with a bitter truth
Love I could never hold
Life I could never claim
I hold you in in my soul
To mend the pieces
That once formed the road that lead us
But you've broken down
Lost in this form of speech
I can hear you
But can only see shuffled feet
My disappointment
Tongues of perverted silence
Beat its lashing immobility
Leave it untouched
To form a birth in this womb of pleasure
A child-like wind couldn’t even save you now
So I lower my eyes in your shadow
Growing closer to the sun’s realm
It’s a vile ache that seems to surround us
As it never fails to fill the emptiness with ruse
Absence is the purest form of love
And I was drowned in its verve
Deprived of its breath
Bleeding the red of our grayed decency
Here’s my soul coupled in verses
These broken moments-
linked by our separation
You’ve parted the sea
Now lie in it
inhale the salted essence
burning with every breath
Every captivation
Through the rapid steps
Racing to kneel at your throne
Sacrificing your cross
Your resurrection
Free me from the depths
undying moments
incomplete sentences
Come and take me down
Force it upon us
with your sanctified darkness
Breath by breath
You’ve torn the seam
and mended the restless inabilities
Incapable to fixate the noise
Entranced by my surrender
Sweet misunderstanding
Guide me towards the light
Far from where you are
I have to go shopping for Thanksgiving. Time for me to be a fat ass and love it. I'm totally not eating today. Just so I can savor in my gluttony and feel the food under my skin! Okay, that's kind of gross but you get the point. Ciao.
Choking on whys,
-Beth