Discovering Chapter Thirteen: Part Two

Sep 07, 2008 14:22


Part One already posted.

Please see Chapter summary and disclaimers via part one.

One more shout out to beachtree .

Discovering Chapter Thirteen: Part Two of Two )

discovering chapter thirteen, discovering

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chaseii September 15 2008, 22:05:42 UTC
"She brought pastrami," I tell him lowering my head and feeling guilt because I sold my kid out for a sandwich.
Hee. Love Sandy's sense of humor, wound tight with paternal guilt. So very, very 'Sandy'.

You've given us a little comfort in this piece of the chapter -- a sense that things are looking up. However, you keep a sense of foreboding, with the spike in temperature. Nice balance of relief, and tension. You don't let us breathe any easier than Ryan.

Good story-telling. Again, great use of the Neil Roberts character. I almost dread having Kirsten and Seth reappear.

Your telephone conversation between Sandy and Seth was well-done, with Seth coming across the line in equal doses of self-centeredness (so Seth) and genuine concern for Ryan. For The-World-Revolves-Around-Me-Seth, the concern for someone else is quite refreshing. Glad he's moved past being angry with Sandy to focus on the far more important issues.

I like the allusions to Kirsten's toughness. I hated that they lobotomized her in later seasons -- always loved her feisty, no-nonsense business persona. As a Nichol, it made such sense. Great job showing, through Seth's words and Sandy's reflections, that she still has moxy here!

Great chapter. Thanks so much!

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