but what does it *look* like?

[much_ado]

relationship expectations are funny things.

Comments

[matthew_g]

"i need you to be there for me." "I need you to not rock the boat." "i need you to show me how much you value this relationship, and my place in it with you."

I'd just like to point out that these are not the needs that I have expressed. :) They're good needs, and certainly make good examples of the kind of Need Definition that you're talking about, they're just not the ones I put forth.

[galadrielsfire]

I find it very hard to believe that "I need you not to rock the boat" is not one of your needs. <------ kidding, sorta. *g*

*grin*

[matthew_g]

It's a fair point, but I'll stand by my statement 'These are not the needs that I expressed'

I did express a need 'to be a valued member of this relationship and to have that value demonstrated by considerate behaviour', but I never said 'Don't rock the boat'. *grin* It's too simple. If she agreed to never rock the boat, then she'd have to forgo many of her activities, some of which are very dear to her. "Don't rock the boat unnecessarily and help me stabilize it anytime it needs stabilizing" is a whole lot closer to what I've been saying. :)

[galadrielsfire]

If you continue with this kind of posting I won't have any work to do in my own relationship. I'm starting to sound like a parrot repeating the questions you pose as I become SO interested in what the answers are in my own relationship. He's not always amused. *g*

[northbard]

such conversations, I have found, are frequently presaged by someone NOT fulfillintg the need in the manner desired. I frequently ask (once I get through defending myself, explaining how I'm right, and really, I didn't think their moms were that sensitive about discussions of female ejaculation, and so on..) "How would you have liked that dealt with?" or "How would you like that handled if it comes up again?"

It gives me a better handle not only on what need was un-met but how they expect it to be met in the future.

[xiphia]

YARGH!!! *snort* I read this, did a double-take, then started making a mental list of all the things I must warn potential future partners never EVER to discuss with my mother. heh Thanks a LOT! :p

[suburban_mom]

I really need to save this post. I really need to alert P to read it as well as the 'expectations' are what tend to run us aground.

Thank you for summing it up so eloquently.

[kfitzwarin]

As usual, thanks for thinking about this stuff out loud. Helps.