finding friends amidst the Cult of Duality
i have come to the conclusion that the people i am going to value most in my life, the people i will respect most, and work hardest to build lasting friendships with, are those who are working toward a high degree of self-awareness. they are the people who will understand their needs and wants (and the difference between the two), and who are brave
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Hello direct person, I'm another.*G*
I was going to make presumptions about what you were doing, then realised that way lies basic errors. So, I'll tell you what I do, and see if this makes sense to you.
When I figure out something I want, not only do I figure out it's priority to me, and how I can communicate both the want and the priority to the person I need to do that with, I figure out a "worst case scenario" - aka, if they say "no".
Most of the time, since most things aren't that critical, "No" means "oh, well - look elsewhere to fulfill that need". Part, for me, of the communication, is explaining, up front, how "no" will be accepted on my end - one of my more common phrases when asking for something is "And no is a perfectly acceptable answer". I've also said, in essense, I need this, this is incredibly important to me, and if you cannot give it to me, then we need to do reevaluation of this relationship. Granted, I tend not to call in the tac strike from space like that unless it really is a NEED, not something else (for example, when I said I needed to stop after one child - I love my son, but I cannot go through another 3 year period of 2-3 hours of sleep on a daily basis, plus a likely second bout of post-partum depression - that is a non-negotiable with me - if husband wants more children more than he can respect my need not to have them, then we would need to change our relationship).
Figure out what "no" would mean to you before hand and tell the person during that communication where it lies.
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