LFT looks at:
relationship morals:
If you're casually sleeping with a married person, do you bear any moral responsibility for making yourself aware of that person's arrangment with his spouse? Furthermore, do you bear any moral responsibility for *enforcing* said arrangement? And finally, what is the difference between moral responsibility and ethical responsibility in this case, if any?
that's a sticky wicket, Morals.
for myself, i think i'm well-recorded for the "Don't own other people's shite" philosophy, but i'm also a big fan of the self-preservationist "Don't get caught with your homework down" approach to knowing what's going on. surprises have a nasty way of biting you in the arse when you least expect it. so to answer your first question, even if this is just a "casual" arrangement (for however you and your fuckbuddy define "casual" between you), i would say you are *always* responsible for knowing the operational and security parameters of ANY situation you get into. it has nothing to do with morals at that point, and everything to do with getting the lay of a potentially dangerous land so *you* know where *you're* safe.
the second question... is tougher. and it boils down to, "What kind of man (or woman) do you *want* to be?". do you want to be the kind of person who takes advantage of other people's moral ambiguities, or do you hold yourself to a higher standard than that? do you choose to be the change you want to see in the world, vis a vis *other people's* moral choices, or are you happy with a shallow pool of moral genetics to paddle around in? technically, another person's choices are *not* your responsibility to manage, but bear in mind that any choices made by someone else that can affect your position, your safety, and your mental/spiritual health, *do* carry some weight for your own "moral" responsibility.
the bottom line for me has become (because, in all honesty, it hasn't always been this way): "Are these decisions going to hurt someone (up front, or later when a situation is discovered by other than the lovers)?" "Is that pain something I'm willing to have as a debt on my Karma?" "Is what I'm doing making *me* a better person?"
you can't force someone to hold the same values you have for yourself;nor can you effectively force someone to adhere to values they claim to hold for themselves. if it's important to you (see question about, "What kind of person do you want to be?"), you can call the other party on inconsistencies and create opportunities to examine those divergencies... but force change? that we cannot do, not with any real hope of success. your only real option for "enforcing" then lies in holding your own actions and boundaries to the limits that have been explicitly identified, and not allowing yourself to slip into the grey areas just because your lover's weasels are inviting you to do so. that opens you up to a world of blamestorming hurt down the road, in the vein of, "I never *said* that was what I wanted, I just went where *YOU* led me!"
and THAT, Morals, is just a big-ass bucket of suck, all around.
the final question is largely an issue of semantics. common vernacular in north america uses "morals" and "ethics" interchangeably; my professional ethics course acknowledges that interchangeability, and adds that more accurately, one refers to a code of conduct developed on the individual level, while the other refers to the code of conduct developed on the broader cultural or societal level; i'd have to go back and look up which one is which. the personal level is often developed inside of, and certainly influenced by, the broader context, but may include subtle or wide variances between those levels of code.
more quips, from our token Non-Chick:
"You can plug into my Power Bar o' Luuurv *any time* you want to, baby."
"Aww yeah... :)"
(followed by discussing how to get balloons filled with Jell-o to adhere to the_real_crispy's chest without having to shave him first...)
If you're casually sleeping with a married person, do you bear any moral responsibility for making yourself aware of that person's arrangment with his spouse? Furthermore, do you bear any moral responsibility for *enforcing* said arrangement? And finally, what is the difference between moral responsibility and ethical responsibility in this case, if any?
that's a sticky wicket, Morals.
for myself, i think i'm well-recorded for the "Don't own other people's shite" philosophy, but i'm also a big fan of the self-preservationist "Don't get caught with your homework down" approach to knowing what's going on. surprises have a nasty way of biting you in the arse when you least expect it. so to answer your first question, even if this is just a "casual" arrangement (for however you and your fuckbuddy define "casual" between you), i would say you are *always* responsible for knowing the operational and security parameters of ANY situation you get into. it has nothing to do with morals at that point, and everything to do with getting the lay of a potentially dangerous land so *you* know where *you're* safe.
the second question... is tougher. and it boils down to, "What kind of man (or woman) do you *want* to be?". do you want to be the kind of person who takes advantage of other people's moral ambiguities, or do you hold yourself to a higher standard than that? do you choose to be the change you want to see in the world, vis a vis *other people's* moral choices, or are you happy with a shallow pool of moral genetics to paddle around in? technically, another person's choices are *not* your responsibility to manage, but bear in mind that any choices made by someone else that can affect your position, your safety, and your mental/spiritual health, *do* carry some weight for your own "moral" responsibility.
the bottom line for me has become (because, in all honesty, it hasn't always been this way): "Are these decisions going to hurt someone (up front, or later when a situation is discovered by other than the lovers)?" "Is that pain something I'm willing to have as a debt on my Karma?" "Is what I'm doing making *me* a better person?"
you can't force someone to hold the same values you have for yourself;nor can you effectively force someone to adhere to values they claim to hold for themselves. if it's important to you (see question about, "What kind of person do you want to be?"), you can call the other party on inconsistencies and create opportunities to examine those divergencies... but force change? that we cannot do, not with any real hope of success. your only real option for "enforcing" then lies in holding your own actions and boundaries to the limits that have been explicitly identified, and not allowing yourself to slip into the grey areas just because your lover's weasels are inviting you to do so. that opens you up to a world of blamestorming hurt down the road, in the vein of, "I never *said* that was what I wanted, I just went where *YOU* led me!"
and THAT, Morals, is just a big-ass bucket of suck, all around.
the final question is largely an issue of semantics. common vernacular in north america uses "morals" and "ethics" interchangeably; my professional ethics course acknowledges that interchangeability, and adds that more accurately, one refers to a code of conduct developed on the individual level, while the other refers to the code of conduct developed on the broader cultural or societal level; i'd have to go back and look up which one is which. the personal level is often developed inside of, and certainly influenced by, the broader context, but may include subtle or wide variances between those levels of code.
more quips, from our token Non-Chick:
"You can plug into my Power Bar o' Luuurv *any time* you want to, baby."
"Aww yeah... :)"
(followed by discussing how to get balloons filled with Jell-o to adhere to the_real_crispy's chest without having to shave him first...)