Ramblins of Nothing
right now but I don’t feel like finding any because that would take time and I
don’t have time because I spent all of my time on doing useless things….like
watch tv or play on the internet and read smutty stories or whatever…….augh…I need
sound….maybe if I keep typing and focus on the typing I will be fine but I don’t
want to see how long I can type one thought….meow….sigh…. random noises and
sounds in mah head……lalalalalalalalalalalala.. I sound like an insane person or
someone who drank a ton of red bull or something….. tap tap tap tappitty tap
tap tappers…..
Again I haven’t written anything in awhile and I think it is
showing…. Although I have been a little busy with work and stuff….. I don’t
want to run the Ogemaw County Museum….or rather, be the curator all by myself…..
If I could work there every day I wouldn’t have the problem of staying on track…….
*blank stare*….ok maybe not…. But it would help…..it wouldn’t solve everything
but it would help….. mso-symbol-font-family:Wingdings">:-( whatever…..
I have to put together a job description/resume thingy for
the museum so they will want to hire me…….its pretty funny that no one is going
to have a clue about the director leaving…..i find this amusing and funny…..and
horrible at the same time…..but mostly funny…and funny in a schadenfreud (sp?)
sort of way….. I don’t want to work
there alone though…..I know I will be able to contact her whenever I need to
but…..I don’t think it is going to work…..
I could blame my parents and say that they coddled me too
much or I could say that because I am living at home I have a harder time
moving on with my life; I could also say I have ADHD and therefore will always
be messy and unorganized but I know better…..I mean, it DOES feel better to pin
it on those things but I know I can do better.
But it is sooo much easier to distract myself and play
pretend and stuff…….. I seriously need horse blinders…..
I don’t know what I want to do…. I would like to work in a
museum but not run it….especially OCHGS right now…..ick…..
I keep telling myself I need to start over….clean my slate…but
every time I do I go right back to where I was before……FAIL!!! ARGH!
Dklsdsgjladjalksdjgk!!!!!......and blargh…
I am so desperate for emotional attention or attention in
general from the opposite sex that I am doing stupid things……not crazy stupid,
just general stupid…. It amazes me that I have ANY sort of patience…….good
gravy…..
I know I am capable of doing cool things with the museum and
with the youth group and with teaching yet I am not willing to start anything
unless I have someone holding my hand…… the only time I don’t need someone is
if I am super super obsessed with the task/subject/whatever…. So lets see, what
are some specific examples?? Boys,
fantasy stuff, things that make me laugh a lot, video games, drawing (a
little), reading stories, art, and blah blah blah……. Yet I know I have that passion
about the museum….am I just being lazy??
Probably….
OH!!! And GET THIS…..*shakes
head* I’m STILL jumping back and forth
on the whole God thing……*facepalm & throws hands in air* WHAT THE HECK??!!! How the frick am I supposed to lead these
teens & pre-teens if I don’t even have faith in what I’m saying to
them??? O_o DAAAAHH!!! *HeadslamHeadslamHeadslamHEADSLAAAAMMMM!!!*
Sometimes I am sooo ready to take on the world and then in
the next breath I find myself face down in the gravel…..
So yeah…. And then I have a little situation going on that I
am not going to disclose…EVER….I guess the only thing I can say is that once
again I have let my mouth run before I let my brain catch up to it and as a
result I have crushed someones soul…well….not quite but basically the same
thing that I did to my recent ex, and boys in high school….. WhY?? Because I’m Stooopid that’s WHY……. *fume*
UPDATE:
Things between me and person mentioned above are fine and I don't even know what the hell happened but it was stupid and yeah......not gonna dwell on it cuz it was stooopid........
don’t have time because I spent all of my time on doing useless things….like
watch tv or play on the internet and read smutty stories or whatever…….augh…I need
sound….maybe if I keep typing and focus on the typing I will be fine but I don’t
want to see how long I can type one thought….meow….sigh…. random noises and
sounds in mah head……lalalalalalalalalalalala.. I sound like an insane person or
someone who drank a ton of red bull or something….. tap tap tap tappitty tap
tap tappers…..
Again I haven’t written anything in awhile and I think it is
showing…. Although I have been a little busy with work and stuff….. I don’t
want to run the Ogemaw County Museum….or rather, be the curator all by myself…..
If I could work there every day I wouldn’t have the problem of staying on track…….
*blank stare*….ok maybe not…. But it would help…..it wouldn’t solve everything
but it would help….. mso-symbol-font-family:Wingdings">:-( whatever…..
I have to put together a job description/resume thingy for
the museum so they will want to hire me…….its pretty funny that no one is going
to have a clue about the director leaving…..i find this amusing and funny…..and
horrible at the same time…..but mostly funny…and funny in a schadenfreud (sp?)
sort of way….. I don’t want to work
there alone though…..I know I will be able to contact her whenever I need to
but…..I don’t think it is going to work…..
I could blame my parents and say that they coddled me too
much or I could say that because I am living at home I have a harder time
moving on with my life; I could also say I have ADHD and therefore will always
be messy and unorganized but I know better…..I mean, it DOES feel better to pin
it on those things but I know I can do better.
But it is sooo much easier to distract myself and play
pretend and stuff…….. I seriously need horse blinders…..
I don’t know what I want to do…. I would like to work in a
museum but not run it….especially OCHGS right now…..ick…..
I keep telling myself I need to start over….clean my slate…but
every time I do I go right back to where I was before……FAIL!!! ARGH!
Dklsdsgjladjalksdjgk!!!!!......and blargh…
I am so desperate for emotional attention or attention in
general from the opposite sex that I am doing stupid things……not crazy stupid,
just general stupid…. It amazes me that I have ANY sort of patience…….good
gravy…..
I know I am capable of doing cool things with the museum and
with the youth group and with teaching yet I am not willing to start anything
unless I have someone holding my hand…… the only time I don’t need someone is
if I am super super obsessed with the task/subject/whatever…. So lets see, what
are some specific examples?? Boys,
fantasy stuff, things that make me laugh a lot, video games, drawing (a
little), reading stories, art, and blah blah blah……. Yet I know I have that passion
about the museum….am I just being lazy??
Probably….
OH!!! And GET THIS…..*shakes
head* I’m STILL jumping back and forth
on the whole God thing……*facepalm & throws hands in air* WHAT THE HECK??!!! How the frick am I supposed to lead these
teens & pre-teens if I don’t even have faith in what I’m saying to
them??? O_o DAAAAHH!!! *HeadslamHeadslamHeadslamHEADSLAAAAMMMM!!!*
Sometimes I am sooo ready to take on the world and then in
the next breath I find myself face down in the gravel…..
So yeah…. And then I have a little situation going on that I
am not going to disclose…EVER….I guess the only thing I can say is that once
again I have let my mouth run before I let my brain catch up to it and as a
result I have crushed someones soul…well….not quite but basically the same
thing that I did to my recent ex, and boys in high school….. WhY?? Because I’m Stooopid that’s WHY……. *fume*
UPDATE:
Things between me and person mentioned above are fine and I don't even know what the hell happened but it was stupid and yeah......not gonna dwell on it cuz it was stooopid........