(no subject)
I don't want to be numb again. I don't want to be a robot again. Too much pain.... My defense against pain: numbness. It's been a problem before, and I've learned to control it. But the pain is getting to be too much...I feel it creeping up on me. And I don't want to be that way again. I was a machine for too long....I'm done with it. I just want to be happy, truly live... I'd love it to be with Steven. But, beyond that....I just don't want to go back to that. Back to the numbness, the lack of emotion, the machine-like efficiency, the machine-like thoughts...I don't want it. I'm naturally enough of a machine....