[Yami no Matsuei](PG-13
Author's Note: Written for < lj-use="fic_promptly"> Author's choice, author's choice, it's too late to ask or give forgiveness when somebody dies. Muraki POV/stream of consciousness during the climax of the Kyoto arc.
Forgive me, Oriya: I used your friendship as much as I used the bodies of the girls in your establishment. At least I can attest that I never brought any harm to you or to the woman whom we both loved, for what that might be worth. I am honored to have had you as the brother whom I desired and which fate never gave to me. You were more family to me than some of my own flesh and blood.
Forgive me, Ukyou: I loved you too well, but not well enough. I loved you enough to fight to stay alive when my life hung between here and death, but in so doing, I paid a price which no man should pay or which I cannot afford. I sacrificed part of my humanity to save my life and yours, and in so doing, I made myself into a beast, thought not one of this world.
Forgive me, Hisoka, I destroyed your life, burning it in the slow burning fire of my lust. And I reshaped you into a weapon, a blade that I might one day fall upon to end my life. The anger that burns in you was partly of my kindling, though now, it may never have the chance to scorch me as you no doubt desire.
Forgive me, Tsuzuki, I grasped at your immortal beauty and used it as a tool for my revenge. You had every reason to lash out at me, to strike out at me, to be furious with me, and in the end, to summon divine fire to end my life and your immortal existence. And yet, I think of all the people I have known, you were the one who understood me the most.
Grandfather, your most unusual patient will not be joining you soon. You will be seeing your grandson and true heir soon, and he will have a great many questions to which he wants the answers.
Forgive me, Oriya: I used your friendship as much as I used the bodies of the girls in your establishment. At least I can attest that I never brought any harm to you or to the woman whom we both loved, for what that might be worth. I am honored to have had you as the brother whom I desired and which fate never gave to me. You were more family to me than some of my own flesh and blood.
Forgive me, Ukyou: I loved you too well, but not well enough. I loved you enough to fight to stay alive when my life hung between here and death, but in so doing, I paid a price which no man should pay or which I cannot afford. I sacrificed part of my humanity to save my life and yours, and in so doing, I made myself into a beast, thought not one of this world.
Forgive me, Hisoka, I destroyed your life, burning it in the slow burning fire of my lust. And I reshaped you into a weapon, a blade that I might one day fall upon to end my life. The anger that burns in you was partly of my kindling, though now, it may never have the chance to scorch me as you no doubt desire.
Forgive me, Tsuzuki, I grasped at your immortal beauty and used it as a tool for my revenge. You had every reason to lash out at me, to strike out at me, to be furious with me, and in the end, to summon divine fire to end my life and your immortal existence. And yet, I think of all the people I have known, you were the one who understood me the most.
Grandfather, your most unusual patient will not be joining you soon. You will be seeing your grandson and true heir soon, and he will have a great many questions to which he wants the answers.