[Supernatural] "Unwanted Consequences" (PG-13)
Author's Note: Written for comment_fic's "SPN, Girl!Dean/Castiel After making one too many sexist comments, a witch turns Dean into a girl as payback. And the only way to turn Dean back into a man is for him to have sex as a woman. Cue Castiel to the rescue."
"No way. No friggin' way," Dean -- or maybe Deana -- said, peering down the front of his -- her? hir? -- tee-shirt. Those mammaries hadn't been there the night before, and he had to check to make sure he had the right or maybe the wrong plumbing.
"Dean, please, not where I can see it," Sam pleaded, looking up from his laptop.
"Okay, I'll go in the bathroom, but excuse me for not believing this," Dean retorted, pulling a hand out of the waistband of a pair of jeans that didn't quite fit through the butt and the hips and which pooled slightly at the ankles, given that they were a few inches too long now. "So what does it say about this sort of thing?"
"Spells cast at Beltaine tend to be stronger than spells cast at any other witch's sabbath. So you're likely to be stuck this way, unless you can do one thing," Sam said, sitting back from the laptop. From the look in his eye, it wasn't going to be good.
"And what's that?" Dean asked.
"You'll have to have sex as a woman," Sam said.
Dean stared. Normally any chance to have sex was welcomed with glee, but the very thought made him (her? hir?) wince. "You're kidding."
"Nope," Sam said, sounding just as squicked. "The energy for a working like this was probably gathered from a sexual encounter, so you need that kind of energy to break it."
"Well, don't you offer to help. Just because my boy bits got swapped out for girl bits, doesn't mean I'm not the same blood," Dean said, backing away.
Sam rolled his eyes and covered his face with one hand. "That was the furthest thing from my mind."
"So I guess it means Angel-boy and I need to do the Coyote Ugly," he said.
As if the mere mention of him was enough to summon him, Castiel appeared in the middle of the dingy hotel room.
"Speak of the devil," Dean murmured. "Cas, I don't know how to put it except to put it: You're gonna have to get nekked."
Castiel stared at Dean, cocking his head in that puzzled way that made one think of a puppy eying something it had never seen before. "I am going to need to obtain nudity? Does this mean I am supposed to go out and procure films that feature nudity?"
Dean facepalmed. "No, you idiot, I mean you and I are going to have to do the deed. Bump uglies, y' know?" The obvious was going to have to be sad. "Have sex."
Castiel looked from Dean to Sam. "And what is the reason for this activity being required?" Dean hoped he just imagined that look of discomfort.
"It seems a witch has put a gender-swapping spell on Dean, for making too many rude comments about women," Sam replied. "About the only way to break it is if Dean has sex with another -- with a man."
"Are there no...pleasant minute men? You have spoken of pleasant minute women," Castiel asked.
"You mean good-time girls. Or good-time guys," Dean said, sighing. "Yeah, there are, but they usually service other guys. I'd rather keep it in-house, so to speak."
"You said it is more fitting to obtain a room for something of this nature," Castiel said.
Dean growled through his teeth. "Just get over here and take your clothes off, Cas," he said.
"As you ask," Castiel said, approaching and slipping off first his trenchcoat and then his jacket...
"No way. No friggin' way," Dean -- or maybe Deana -- said, peering down the front of his -- her? hir? -- tee-shirt. Those mammaries hadn't been there the night before, and he had to check to make sure he had the right or maybe the wrong plumbing.
"Dean, please, not where I can see it," Sam pleaded, looking up from his laptop.
"Okay, I'll go in the bathroom, but excuse me for not believing this," Dean retorted, pulling a hand out of the waistband of a pair of jeans that didn't quite fit through the butt and the hips and which pooled slightly at the ankles, given that they were a few inches too long now. "So what does it say about this sort of thing?"
"Spells cast at Beltaine tend to be stronger than spells cast at any other witch's sabbath. So you're likely to be stuck this way, unless you can do one thing," Sam said, sitting back from the laptop. From the look in his eye, it wasn't going to be good.
"And what's that?" Dean asked.
"You'll have to have sex as a woman," Sam said.
Dean stared. Normally any chance to have sex was welcomed with glee, but the very thought made him (her? hir?) wince. "You're kidding."
"Nope," Sam said, sounding just as squicked. "The energy for a working like this was probably gathered from a sexual encounter, so you need that kind of energy to break it."
"Well, don't you offer to help. Just because my boy bits got swapped out for girl bits, doesn't mean I'm not the same blood," Dean said, backing away.
Sam rolled his eyes and covered his face with one hand. "That was the furthest thing from my mind."
"So I guess it means Angel-boy and I need to do the Coyote Ugly," he said.
As if the mere mention of him was enough to summon him, Castiel appeared in the middle of the dingy hotel room.
"Speak of the devil," Dean murmured. "Cas, I don't know how to put it except to put it: You're gonna have to get nekked."
Castiel stared at Dean, cocking his head in that puzzled way that made one think of a puppy eying something it had never seen before. "I am going to need to obtain nudity? Does this mean I am supposed to go out and procure films that feature nudity?"
Dean facepalmed. "No, you idiot, I mean you and I are going to have to do the deed. Bump uglies, y' know?" The obvious was going to have to be sad. "Have sex."
Castiel looked from Dean to Sam. "And what is the reason for this activity being required?" Dean hoped he just imagined that look of discomfort.
"It seems a witch has put a gender-swapping spell on Dean, for making too many rude comments about women," Sam replied. "About the only way to break it is if Dean has sex with another -- with a man."
"Are there no...pleasant minute men? You have spoken of pleasant minute women," Castiel asked.
"You mean good-time girls. Or good-time guys," Dean said, sighing. "Yeah, there are, but they usually service other guys. I'd rather keep it in-house, so to speak."
"You said it is more fitting to obtain a room for something of this nature," Castiel said.
Dean growled through his teeth. "Just get over here and take your clothes off, Cas," he said.
"As you ask," Castiel said, approaching and slipping off first his trenchcoat and then his jacket...