No more running no more hiding
I went to work this morning thinking I could throw myself into work and not think about what the evening was going to hold.
I thought I could live with the part of me that knew and knows that the time has come to see the Prince of Siam off to the Gardens of Bast. I thought, but I was wrong, instead I went to work and the day hung about me like a grey shroud, I felt overwhelmed because I know that after today my friend, my dear companion who has seen me through so much will never more walk with me, look up at me and with that look only he could give know all that was in my heart.
Twenty seven years we have walked together, he has helped me raise two children, seen the birth of ‘our’ first grandchild, even seen the grandchild up close without a bit of ruffled fur. He has ever and always had a special quiet dignity about him.
He has been friend to all whom he has chosen to be friend, taught them love and understand and showed them just what his kind is all about.
He has been playful and the maker of mischief. The stealer of cold pizza toppings, the turkey monitor at thanksgiving. SO much has he done that there are tales that span hundreds of thousands of days. 27 years is not long enough when you love somebody, it does not matter that they have the right to go forth into the next realm with dignity and without pain. It matters only that the child self in me does not want to lose her friend.
After all, who will sit and listen without judgment when I decide I have to rant about the twists and turns of life? Who will put up without a worry about my weird temper or my nitpickiness over cleaning things?
Who will know what I am talking about when I relate a story about the eldest daughter and them sleeping together in cardboard boxes in the living room? He will not be there, to give me that knowing look.
I know he knows I have made the choice that I know I have to make, I know because 27 years, woven with love and magick, have made it so that I know he is aware, he just does not speak English. However, he does and has most assuredly spoken sometimes a heck of a lot.
He has been the alarm clock on four feet when I just could not bring myself to crawl out of bed; he has been the monitor of my television time and even my computer time. He never let me forget the important things in life, the things outside.
He has traveled across country with me, helped me through a bad marriage and into a good one (with a man he approves of no less) all these and so many more.
In addition, tomorrow the world will be just a little less bright, because he will not be there on the sofa or chair.
Then tomorrow, he will still be here in my heart. I will know that he is not in pain walking up the stairs any more, that he is not trying desperately to get to the restroom and failing because he just cannot move fast enough for his old bowels. I know tomorrow he will be finishing his report to the Great Goddess and tell her, all that he has seen and done and been. In addition, I hope that when he is done She will be most pleased with this Prince of Siam and award him the honors he so richly deserves.
In addition, believing that, I will smile knowing that in times turning I will see him again. Because even gone from sight he will remain forever my dearest friend.
Silence who is Wolf
I thought I could live with the part of me that knew and knows that the time has come to see the Prince of Siam off to the Gardens of Bast. I thought, but I was wrong, instead I went to work and the day hung about me like a grey shroud, I felt overwhelmed because I know that after today my friend, my dear companion who has seen me through so much will never more walk with me, look up at me and with that look only he could give know all that was in my heart.
Twenty seven years we have walked together, he has helped me raise two children, seen the birth of ‘our’ first grandchild, even seen the grandchild up close without a bit of ruffled fur. He has ever and always had a special quiet dignity about him.
He has been friend to all whom he has chosen to be friend, taught them love and understand and showed them just what his kind is all about.
He has been playful and the maker of mischief. The stealer of cold pizza toppings, the turkey monitor at thanksgiving. SO much has he done that there are tales that span hundreds of thousands of days. 27 years is not long enough when you love somebody, it does not matter that they have the right to go forth into the next realm with dignity and without pain. It matters only that the child self in me does not want to lose her friend.
After all, who will sit and listen without judgment when I decide I have to rant about the twists and turns of life? Who will put up without a worry about my weird temper or my nitpickiness over cleaning things?
Who will know what I am talking about when I relate a story about the eldest daughter and them sleeping together in cardboard boxes in the living room? He will not be there, to give me that knowing look.
I know he knows I have made the choice that I know I have to make, I know because 27 years, woven with love and magick, have made it so that I know he is aware, he just does not speak English. However, he does and has most assuredly spoken sometimes a heck of a lot.
He has been the alarm clock on four feet when I just could not bring myself to crawl out of bed; he has been the monitor of my television time and even my computer time. He never let me forget the important things in life, the things outside.
He has traveled across country with me, helped me through a bad marriage and into a good one (with a man he approves of no less) all these and so many more.
In addition, tomorrow the world will be just a little less bright, because he will not be there on the sofa or chair.
Then tomorrow, he will still be here in my heart. I will know that he is not in pain walking up the stairs any more, that he is not trying desperately to get to the restroom and failing because he just cannot move fast enough for his old bowels. I know tomorrow he will be finishing his report to the Great Goddess and tell her, all that he has seen and done and been. In addition, I hope that when he is done She will be most pleased with this Prince of Siam and award him the honors he so richly deserves.
In addition, believing that, I will smile knowing that in times turning I will see him again. Because even gone from sight he will remain forever my dearest friend.
Silence who is Wolf