Changes have been saved.
It’s all fun and games until my feelings get hurt.
Until everyone realized that I’ve panicked and I start looking for an out.
I feel that I’m only appreciated to make someone else feel better.
Then, option 1 - that they are fulfilled and finished with me. Like, “You are excused, GTFO.”
Or, option 2 - I realize that I’m only there for them, but there’s no reciprocation, until I’m trying to leave.
Things go back to “how they were” or bundles of words and apologies are thrown at me…
both of which cause more panic and anxiety and sadness for me.
That’s where I am now.
I’m seriously falling apart.
I don’t want to be around anyone. I don’t want to do anything.
Honestly, there are only 3-4 people I want to talk to.
But I’m afraid they are going to hate me because all I talk about is the month of July.
They are the only people I want to be around, but all of them happen to be in Arkansas. And they have their own lives.
I’m not about to become their problem.
Call me fake.
If I see you, I’ll straight up smile in your face and laugh.
I’m not going to burden you with anything. And I don’t want you to ask.
Do not ask.
I’m not going to believe that you care.
My mode of thinking, right now, is that you don’t care.
Everything’s already happened.
I’m already sad.
I just have to get over it.
Talking to you about it isn’t going to help me.
Outside of the people I do trust and the people that I know care about and love me…
I don’t feel like trusting anyone right now.
I don’t feel like being friends and hanging out.
I don’t want to talk…
I just want to do what I need to do at work and come home.
I do not hate anyone.
I DO NOT HATE ANYONE.
I feel like I hate myself, but I’m just very, very unhappy.
I’m very, very hurt.
But I can’t blame anyone, other than myself.
When you open yourself up to people, this is the risk you take.
I took it.
I’m ready to move on from it.
I don’t wish to take anything back.
I just wish I could move on.
Right now.
Right now.
But this wall is freaking concrete.
I want it there.
I don’t want to break it.
I don’t want you to try to break it.
I don’t want to hear that not everyone is like this.
I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry.
I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry for me.
I just want to be here.
Right now, I need to be hurt and sad.
Right now, I wish it could be...another time.
But it’s not.
Just…
Let me feel how I'm feeling.
Until everyone realized that I’ve panicked and I start looking for an out.
I feel that I’m only appreciated to make someone else feel better.
Then, option 1 - that they are fulfilled and finished with me. Like, “You are excused, GTFO.”
Or, option 2 - I realize that I’m only there for them, but there’s no reciprocation, until I’m trying to leave.
Things go back to “how they were” or bundles of words and apologies are thrown at me…
both of which cause more panic and anxiety and sadness for me.
That’s where I am now.
I’m seriously falling apart.
I don’t want to be around anyone. I don’t want to do anything.
Honestly, there are only 3-4 people I want to talk to.
But I’m afraid they are going to hate me because all I talk about is the month of July.
They are the only people I want to be around, but all of them happen to be in Arkansas. And they have their own lives.
I’m not about to become their problem.
Call me fake.
If I see you, I’ll straight up smile in your face and laugh.
I’m not going to burden you with anything. And I don’t want you to ask.
Do not ask.
I’m not going to believe that you care.
My mode of thinking, right now, is that you don’t care.
Everything’s already happened.
I’m already sad.
I just have to get over it.
Talking to you about it isn’t going to help me.
Outside of the people I do trust and the people that I know care about and love me…
I don’t feel like trusting anyone right now.
I don’t feel like being friends and hanging out.
I don’t want to talk…
I just want to do what I need to do at work and come home.
I do not hate anyone.
I DO NOT HATE ANYONE.
I feel like I hate myself, but I’m just very, very unhappy.
I’m very, very hurt.
But I can’t blame anyone, other than myself.
When you open yourself up to people, this is the risk you take.
I took it.
I’m ready to move on from it.
I don’t wish to take anything back.
I just wish I could move on.
Right now.
Right now.
But this wall is freaking concrete.
I want it there.
I don’t want to break it.
I don’t want you to try to break it.
I don’t want to hear that not everyone is like this.
I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry.
I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry for me.
I just want to be here.
Right now, I need to be hurt and sad.
Right now, I wish it could be...another time.
But it’s not.
Just…
Let me feel how I'm feeling.