Slowing Down and Catching Up
Well, what can I say...I KNOW it's been over a month since my last post. I'M SORRY! haha...that's for all of you who have asked me to please post...
You would think the summer months would bring rest, relaxation, the time and energy to keep this up or something, you know!?!? Boy, was I wrong.
So, yeah, my last final for the first year of college was on a Saturday; that following Monday, I began work at Jefferson Parish Public School System - Research, Accountability, and Assessment Division. Can you say WORK!? I didn't realize how tiring and frustrating working at a computer COULD be. I've "discussed" (more fought) with my dad about how my sitting at a computer in an air conditioned building doing MAJOR data entry and report building can equate to his walking route for the post office. Needless to say, he doesn't believe my work can be as demanding and physically challenging as his, and so he thinks I should be able to do anything and everything when I return home...besides rest. Argh! Well, today, he mentioned the real reason for my lack of energy...lack of sleep. Thank God he blamed it on that and not my "inability to do any work around here."
Yeah, discussions/fights among the family have slacked off a bit, which is somewhat encouraging, but I am no where near ready for the realization that is to come when they all find out the big secret. I really want to tell them, but I have so much fear and "worst case scenario" stuff building in my mind, that I almost feel like I could NEVER tell them, even though I really want to get it over with and be free.
:::sigh:::AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:::sigh:::
So, what else have I done since May 30th...Hmmmmmm
Well, I think my car accident happened after that, so yeah, that's going on...insurance claims and all that wonderful stuff...don't worry everyone: just an 18-wheeler crushing my rear-view mirror and denting up my passenger side door...no one hurt and no major damage, but still scary.
Three weeks ago I returned to one of my many favorite places in the US...South Orange, NJ and New York City. I can't believe it's been three weeks since we started Gospel Roads 1 2004, and two weeks since it ended. Wow, how time flies.
As anyone who has gone through the GR program can tell you, I love it and have such a passion for it and the lessons it teaches about service. This year we went to the following: "Beauty and the Beast" on Broadway, COPE course, St. John's Soup Kitchen, NJ Food Bank, Good Council in Hoboken, and St. James Parish. All of this coupled with multiple prayer services, Masses, processing, the Labyrinth, and Emmaus Walks just continues each year to inspire me to continue my journey and inspire others as well...no matter how much drama...haha. I love it!
Speaking of loving GR...plans have already begun in planning GOSPEL ROADS NEW ORLEANS 2005, so I'm really excited about that, especially since it is my first big youth ministry project that I am taking the honor of heading, since I REALLY want it to happen!!! For any Louisianians reading this...the call for help is out there; I need as much assistance as I can get in setting this up!
I am also preparing my prayer service for Gospel Roads II in Belle Glade, FL, where I will be a leader, for I am participating in this program for the second year in a row. I love my idea and hope it will get Kenny and Br. Manny's approval! :::crosses fingers...haha:::
OK...I guess on the more personal side (I know I've mentioned it already, but still it needs to be harped on, I guess)...I am getting to where I really feel the NEED to tell the family, and I say this for many reasons:
1. Elections/Political stances - July 17th is the big vote on the Federal Marriage Act, which would prohibit any same sex marriages if passed. I know how much support this issue needs and to not try and obtain it because the family doesn't know about me is detrimental to our cause.
2. The hiding has got to stop. I can't do what I want to do relationship/going out-wise if I can't truthfully tell them where I'm going/what I'm doing. just the way I am, I guess
3. Signs - haha...just foolishness now, I guess, but it seems like everywhere I turn, I'm being pushed to do the thing that would free me the most. My most recent push came from the movie Spiderman 2. They say a lot about being true to yourself and being someone people can look up to; in order to have this happen, you have to be completely yourself and sometimes give up the thing you most love and be free. Yeah, saw it twice, and the message was really powerful.
I don't know. It's just a scary thought, thinking of having a talk with my parents about this, especially with the religious views of my immediate and extended family.
I remember this advice from Fr. John (not a direct quote, but close): "If you continue living your life the way you are, a role model to those you encounter and always lending the helping hand and listening ear, then I don't care what you do in your personal life, behind closed doors. If you are living the saintly life, living with respect, dignity, and honor for yourself and others, all through love from the heart, publicly and privately, then you are well on your way."
OK, hopefully if I keep this updated regularly, I won't have books for entries...but...
I miss all my out-of-town friends; I love you all so much!!! (GR 1 2002, GR 1 2003, GR 2 2003, GR 1 2004, OLR 2002, JLR 2004, COR, RYLA, LSU, SHAW C/O 2003, and all others I've met in my life and who have impacted me)
Until later...I'm outta here...
~PJ
You would think the summer months would bring rest, relaxation, the time and energy to keep this up or something, you know!?!? Boy, was I wrong.
So, yeah, my last final for the first year of college was on a Saturday; that following Monday, I began work at Jefferson Parish Public School System - Research, Accountability, and Assessment Division. Can you say WORK!? I didn't realize how tiring and frustrating working at a computer COULD be. I've "discussed" (more fought) with my dad about how my sitting at a computer in an air conditioned building doing MAJOR data entry and report building can equate to his walking route for the post office. Needless to say, he doesn't believe my work can be as demanding and physically challenging as his, and so he thinks I should be able to do anything and everything when I return home...besides rest. Argh! Well, today, he mentioned the real reason for my lack of energy...lack of sleep. Thank God he blamed it on that and not my "inability to do any work around here."
Yeah, discussions/fights among the family have slacked off a bit, which is somewhat encouraging, but I am no where near ready for the realization that is to come when they all find out the big secret. I really want to tell them, but I have so much fear and "worst case scenario" stuff building in my mind, that I almost feel like I could NEVER tell them, even though I really want to get it over with and be free.
:::sigh:::AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:::sigh:::
So, what else have I done since May 30th...Hmmmmmm
Well, I think my car accident happened after that, so yeah, that's going on...insurance claims and all that wonderful stuff...don't worry everyone: just an 18-wheeler crushing my rear-view mirror and denting up my passenger side door...no one hurt and no major damage, but still scary.
Three weeks ago I returned to one of my many favorite places in the US...South Orange, NJ and New York City. I can't believe it's been three weeks since we started Gospel Roads 1 2004, and two weeks since it ended. Wow, how time flies.
As anyone who has gone through the GR program can tell you, I love it and have such a passion for it and the lessons it teaches about service. This year we went to the following: "Beauty and the Beast" on Broadway, COPE course, St. John's Soup Kitchen, NJ Food Bank, Good Council in Hoboken, and St. James Parish. All of this coupled with multiple prayer services, Masses, processing, the Labyrinth, and Emmaus Walks just continues each year to inspire me to continue my journey and inspire others as well...no matter how much drama...haha. I love it!
Speaking of loving GR...plans have already begun in planning GOSPEL ROADS NEW ORLEANS 2005, so I'm really excited about that, especially since it is my first big youth ministry project that I am taking the honor of heading, since I REALLY want it to happen!!! For any Louisianians reading this...the call for help is out there; I need as much assistance as I can get in setting this up!
I am also preparing my prayer service for Gospel Roads II in Belle Glade, FL, where I will be a leader, for I am participating in this program for the second year in a row. I love my idea and hope it will get Kenny and Br. Manny's approval! :::crosses fingers...haha:::
OK...I guess on the more personal side (I know I've mentioned it already, but still it needs to be harped on, I guess)...I am getting to where I really feel the NEED to tell the family, and I say this for many reasons:
1. Elections/Political stances - July 17th is the big vote on the Federal Marriage Act, which would prohibit any same sex marriages if passed. I know how much support this issue needs and to not try and obtain it because the family doesn't know about me is detrimental to our cause.
2. The hiding has got to stop. I can't do what I want to do relationship/going out-wise if I can't truthfully tell them where I'm going/what I'm doing. just the way I am, I guess
3. Signs - haha...just foolishness now, I guess, but it seems like everywhere I turn, I'm being pushed to do the thing that would free me the most. My most recent push came from the movie Spiderman 2. They say a lot about being true to yourself and being someone people can look up to; in order to have this happen, you have to be completely yourself and sometimes give up the thing you most love and be free. Yeah, saw it twice, and the message was really powerful.
I don't know. It's just a scary thought, thinking of having a talk with my parents about this, especially with the religious views of my immediate and extended family.
I remember this advice from Fr. John (not a direct quote, but close): "If you continue living your life the way you are, a role model to those you encounter and always lending the helping hand and listening ear, then I don't care what you do in your personal life, behind closed doors. If you are living the saintly life, living with respect, dignity, and honor for yourself and others, all through love from the heart, publicly and privately, then you are well on your way."
OK, hopefully if I keep this updated regularly, I won't have books for entries...but...
I miss all my out-of-town friends; I love you all so much!!! (GR 1 2002, GR 1 2003, GR 2 2003, GR 1 2004, OLR 2002, JLR 2004, COR, RYLA, LSU, SHAW C/O 2003, and all others I've met in my life and who have impacted me)
Until later...I'm outta here...
~PJ