Juniors, Misses, Ladies, oh my
It's quiet in my house. The TV is hosting the quiet ramblings of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," the Mac is humming lowly, and the baby and the dog are asleep.
Freeze frame. For just an hour, please.
I went on a much-needed shopping trip to pick up some "I'm not a SAHM, but I don't have to dress up anymore" clothes today. I've been waiting until I was down to my pre-Ian weight, and finally the time had come. I decided to go in search of something that was not running pants to wear out.
Unfortunately, the shopping trip was a bit depressing. When you're shopping maternity, they have this cool sizing system; S, M, L, XL. Every woman feels like an XL, but they still make all four sizes. That was Maternity World. It was nice.
In the pre/post-maternity world, we're back to the eclectic sizing system otherwise known as "Some Random Number/Letter Slapped on Women's Clothing." I had apparently suppressed this information.
You have the following categories (and my rudimentary understanding of them):
Misses
The "you're no longer a cool college student and your ass resembles that of a mid-twentysomething" section. Some things are frumpy, most things are modest. In said category, I wear a Large, or size 8/10. Before your jaw drops, I also sport a 36D. This makes my chest size not average.
Ladies
Pretty darn frou frou. I think their target demographic is women in their late thirties and forties. In said category, clothes are a little roomier and I wear a Medium, or size 6/8.
Juniors
The shit that the hip kids wear in college towns. Usually cheap material and way too damn tight. I haven't tried on clothes in this category in years. They don't fit well. Too tight.
Petites
I do believe this is the best category. The target dempgraphic is women who resemble Twiggy and My Sister Who Could Break Like a Pencil. The clothes tend to be really nice, but I believe it's because they haven't been picked over again and again. I don't think I have ever worn anything with a "P" on it. They don't fit well is an understatement. I can't get the damn things over my kneecaps.
Plus
Kind of like Ladies, but bigger. There's pretty much nothing flattering in this category in most department stores. You really need a specialty shop. Again, I've never worn anything in this category.
I paced the Misses section several times over looking for a top to match my new Southern Mom pants (adorable, but definitely a style limited to the Deep South). Sleeveless, sleeveless, sleeveless.... nothing in sleeveless. So I switched gears. Blue, blue, blue.....nada. That's when I branch out. I finally find something in Petites. Their idea of large is really about a small and a half. So, I pester a sales lady.
"Excuse me, do you have this in normal," I ask.
She chuckles, then tells me no. I ask if they have ANYTHING in that shade in a size that would be in the vicinity of fitting me. Nope again.
I continue on my trip. I find another shirt, in Plus. Too low-cut. I couldn't bend over without getting arrested.
Once again, we're on our way through the aisles. Maybe something in an off-white. Off-white is nice. And we have a third shirt. A charm? Sure. Fit a normal-sized woman? No. It's a Juniors. I would look like a hooker and chance pulling a Tara Reid.
In the end, I gave up the search. On my way to the register, I did find the perfect black shirt to wear out for a fancy dinner. And, as any good shopper would, I bought it and my blue and white pants. If nothing else, it made my search for something blue a little less offensive.
So now, my choices for going out are topless, or in panties. I'd say that's still a vast improvement over the SAHM look.
Freeze frame. For just an hour, please.
I went on a much-needed shopping trip to pick up some "I'm not a SAHM, but I don't have to dress up anymore" clothes today. I've been waiting until I was down to my pre-Ian weight, and finally the time had come. I decided to go in search of something that was not running pants to wear out.
Unfortunately, the shopping trip was a bit depressing. When you're shopping maternity, they have this cool sizing system; S, M, L, XL. Every woman feels like an XL, but they still make all four sizes. That was Maternity World. It was nice.
In the pre/post-maternity world, we're back to the eclectic sizing system otherwise known as "Some Random Number/Letter Slapped on Women's Clothing." I had apparently suppressed this information.
You have the following categories (and my rudimentary understanding of them):
Misses
The "you're no longer a cool college student and your ass resembles that of a mid-twentysomething" section. Some things are frumpy, most things are modest. In said category, I wear a Large, or size 8/10. Before your jaw drops, I also sport a 36D. This makes my chest size not average.
Ladies
Pretty darn frou frou. I think their target demographic is women in their late thirties and forties. In said category, clothes are a little roomier and I wear a Medium, or size 6/8.
Juniors
The shit that the hip kids wear in college towns. Usually cheap material and way too damn tight. I haven't tried on clothes in this category in years. They don't fit well. Too tight.
Petites
I do believe this is the best category. The target dempgraphic is women who resemble Twiggy and My Sister Who Could Break Like a Pencil. The clothes tend to be really nice, but I believe it's because they haven't been picked over again and again. I don't think I have ever worn anything with a "P" on it. They don't fit well is an understatement. I can't get the damn things over my kneecaps.
Plus
Kind of like Ladies, but bigger. There's pretty much nothing flattering in this category in most department stores. You really need a specialty shop. Again, I've never worn anything in this category.
I paced the Misses section several times over looking for a top to match my new Southern Mom pants (adorable, but definitely a style limited to the Deep South). Sleeveless, sleeveless, sleeveless.... nothing in sleeveless. So I switched gears. Blue, blue, blue.....nada. That's when I branch out. I finally find something in Petites. Their idea of large is really about a small and a half. So, I pester a sales lady.
"Excuse me, do you have this in normal," I ask.
She chuckles, then tells me no. I ask if they have ANYTHING in that shade in a size that would be in the vicinity of fitting me. Nope again.
I continue on my trip. I find another shirt, in Plus. Too low-cut. I couldn't bend over without getting arrested.
Once again, we're on our way through the aisles. Maybe something in an off-white. Off-white is nice. And we have a third shirt. A charm? Sure. Fit a normal-sized woman? No. It's a Juniors. I would look like a hooker and chance pulling a Tara Reid.
In the end, I gave up the search. On my way to the register, I did find the perfect black shirt to wear out for a fancy dinner. And, as any good shopper would, I bought it and my blue and white pants. If nothing else, it made my search for something blue a little less offensive.
So now, my choices for going out are topless, or in panties. I'd say that's still a vast improvement over the SAHM look.