self reflection

[mtbean]

i'm standing in line at Ritual, two guys in line in front of me.
it's a sat afternoon so the line extends out the door, giving me time to actually figure out what's going on in front of me.
initially it seems like a normal conversation until i realize all the questions are really basic, awkward. in fact the entire interaction is awkward.
then i realize what this is and why it seems so so familiar to me.
it's a first date. the kind of blindish first dates that we have now, not set up by friends, but by some internet preferences or interactions.
and it's not that i'm not aware of what it's like when i've been in it so many times. but it's really hard to watch in reflection.
oh. it's awkward. i can immediately tell who wants to be there, who doesn't.
who's got the nervous laugh, who's trying too hard.
who can't make eye contact, who's answers are short, easy, non-revealing.
i can't figure out who i'm more uncomfortable for.
ack.
i go through these times when i don't want to do the dating thing anymore. i think these times are coming more and more often...