Let sleeping dogs lie, or better yet, drop them off at the pound and burn the whole damn place down.
Let me just warn you before you start reading this... i'm in a very lovey-dovey kinda mood and i just had to get this all out there, so if you're not in the mood to read "why i'm so very in love" courtesy of ms. shephard, skip this and go read something else... anything else, it's long, and like i said, all about what i'm feeling right now... that was your disclaimer by the way, so yeah...
so "we've" been talking a lot... and by "we", i mean hector and i, and by "a lot" i mean those conversations that start in the early afternoon when the sun is still up and go on into the wee hours of the morning when the sun starts coming up again, AND THEN start again the next day, not to mention we finally nabbed ourselves some "truth serum" (don't ask where, hector knows a couple of mad scientist who were more than happy to oblige)... AND... i think that we've both FINALLY let all of our demons go... we've talked about it all (the good, the bad, the ugly, AND THE UGLIER) and forgiven eachother for past mistakes/short-comings/lapses in judgement, whatever... and it feels good... like now when i hold him and say i love you, i mean it with every fiber in my body, no holding back, all-or-nothing, and the same for him...
and having finally done that i've come to a few conclusions during all of these discussions...
1. i'm NEVER going to find anyone who will make me as happy as hector has, and hopefully will continue to do (i have faith in him)... and for the first time in my life i'm truly content with my situation, of course there are little things that could always be better, but in the grand scheme of things, most of that is petty and not really relevant to my overall happiness... he's the BEST friend i've ever had... and he's hot and i can't keep my hands off of him, which to me just about amounts to the perfect relationship, i mean, what more could you possibly want? we get along swimmingly (haha, silly word) and never seem to get tired of eachother... we're together ALL the time, except when he's at work of course, and yeah, we get bored sitting around the apt. sometimes, but we're not bored with eachother... i'd say that i was only speaking for myself but he's said these exact things to me, so i think we're pretty much agreed that things are great, better than great even, i only hope all couples are as happy as we are. Like i tell him all the time "you know you're totally stuck with me, right?" and that i'm not going anywhere, and after all of our talking, i think we've both realized that we BOTH feel that way. we've found our one-and-only's in eachother. This is forever-come-hell-or-high-water-done-looking-around-she's/he's-the-one-for-me-love. ::i get butterflies just thinking about it::
2. We've been though a lot in the past year and a half(give or take a few months)... more than most people go through in a much longer period of time... in the beginning it was always crazy ex/baby's momma drama which then led to the whole jail thing (you all know the story and it's the past, no need to re-hash it here, no matter how angry i get thinking about it), i lost two close friends in a month's time and he was there for me through it all, and then our own personal shit, moving in together, getting used to that, and then the pregnancy, and now the baby, and getting used to being a family... and i guess we've both admitted that we moved INCREDIBLY fast... scary fast even... but we've both also agreed that we wouldn't change anything... maybe we'd have had some more "us" time before the baby, but that's about it... and i think the fact that we've been through so much makes us stronger, i mean, hell, if we can get through all of that, then we're invinceable... seriously...
3. We're good for eachother. by that i mean we compliment eachother, even my little sister, who knows me better than anyone in the world told me the other day during one of our little heart-to-hearts that "hector's good for you. he balances you out. you used to be such a spaz, everywhere and nowhere at the same time. i don't see that now. you seem calmer... happier... more comfortable in your own skin" and it's true, i was a human ping-pong-ball, always bouncing from thing to thing and from friends to friends, trying to find... well, i'm not sure now, this is guess... i was NEVER really happy, as much as i looked the part, i still went home at the end of the night and thought that there had to be more than just constantly partying and being "that girl everyone liked" i don't feel like that now, and damn! it feels good. and i feel better about myself, more secure with myself, not because he tells me i'm beautiful/pretty/smart/whatever, but because i can finally let down all of those stupid walls that i've put up all my life and see me for me. and i like it. i'm a good person and i guess i've never let myself see that, but i do now. and him too, i'd like to think that in my own weird little way he's a better person because of me, that some of me has rubbed off on him...
4. It can only go up from here. We have eachother, we have our little family, which hopefully his little girl will become a more permanent member of in the not-so-distant-future. I'm planning on going back to school as soon as we can afford for me not to work (almost done, it would be STUUUUUUUPID not to finish at this point) and we'll have a house of our own as soon as his parents get back to the states. so we're not worried about the future, which feels better than i can tell you. i'm not worried about where we'll be in 3 years or 5 years, or even 6 months from now. hector talks about our future together, he makes plans for things that he wants to do years from now, which is music to any girl's ears... so i'm content... i know that years from now we'll still be together, sitting in OUR home with the kids around and we'll laugh about the time we lived in a one-bedroom downtown apt...
just a little list and then i'll end this i swear... no one said you had to read the whole damn thing...
-i love him because: he makes me happy, he's funny, he's clever, he thinks i'm sexy, he's sweet to me, he listens, he holds me when that's all i need, he puts up with my bullshit, he knows i'll put up with his, i'm a stronger person because of him, he teaches me new things, we made a beautiful baby together, he can be SUCH a SUPER-DORK and he doesn't care if i see him being silly, he's not macho, ha! he doesn't watch sports, he doesn't get mad when i act like a total lush, he doesn't judge me, he's an amazing musician, he's always open to new things(music, books, movies, experiences, etc.), he's a great kisser, he says i'm beautiful when i wake up with crazy bed-head and no make-up, speaking of BED... he's AMAZING, he loves my cooking, he takes out the trash, he loves our son, he's so fucking smart and clever! (probably his best quality)
AND...
um...
synchronized orgasms, yeah, that's it...
well, haha, that's all for me folks...
i love you all... goodnight... be good to eachother, you deserve it...