I'm such an idiot
I can't belive I'm not learning from my mistakes. I really need to stop being "that guy" who gets on girls that have boyfriends and falling for them. I don't get it, how can they say they like me so much when they're with their boyfriends, but when they break up with them all of us sudden they stop having feelings for me. What changes? And why am I so stupid that I keep doing it. I mean seriously, you tell a girl how crazy you are about her, and she tells you that if circumstances were different she'd be with me; Those circumstances being she has a boyfriend. But now then when they break up she all of us sudden doesn't want anything to do with me and has another guy already. Why do I always get screwed. I really need to stick to what I say and not go back on it. After it happened last year I should have known better. I just coudln't control how I felt about her, one of the most amazing girls, in all respects, I have ever met. I am so God damn frustrated right now. I don't know what to do. I really just want to punch something, but that obviously won't make things any better. I just need to get over it I guess. It's her loss and she will never get to know what it's like to be with me. She'll never get to know what it's like to be placed on a pedestal and be the center of my universe, but like I said that's her loss and if she's willing to lose it she isn't the person I thought she was. Sad thing is the next time she gets hurt i'm still going to be there to pick up the peices. I don't understand why I'm such an idiot. Thank God Drew is is with me in this fight against selfish, superficial, girls who only want what's best for them. One of the best things that has happened to me is meeting Drew. Definately the best guy friend a guy could ask for. We are so much alike it scares me sometimes.
On another note, lineup sucked tonight. Totally wasn't expecting what happened. I'm glad I did well, I just wish the rest of my pledge brothers would have done as well. We know our shit, which is good, we just can't get rattled. Definatley still looking forward to the retreat this weekend, hopefully it happens. I need to get away from certain people and this weekend is just what the doctor ordered. A few games of beer pong and I should be back to my old care-free, fun loving self.
I'm really looking forward to me, smelly, and Emily's movie and bean dip night wednesday night. It's been so long since we've all been together. I miss those girls so much and just being with them makes things so much better. I love them to death. It's just so weird that even though we go to the same school now we see each other less than we did over the summer. Hell, smelly lives across the street from me. But we are all so busy with school and other friends it's hard to find time. But I feel like I should make it a priority from now on because I will hopefully have them two as sisters for the rest of our lives. Reading smelly's email finally brought tears to my eyes that I've been trying to get for a couple weeks now. It's been rough, but that's why she's one of my best friends. I've been trying to cry for so long, to vent a little and let off some of the emotion I'm holding inside but I couldn't. Her email was all about our friendship and how much we all mean to each other and it was enough to start the tears welling up in my eyes. While I didn't cry all the way, it was a good start and releived some of the tension.
I just hope I can get through the rest of this week without creating too much permanent damage. I have been quite the cold prig this week, but I can't help it. I'm fucking pissed off and that's just how shit goes. I need to get drunk, it's been way too fucking long. Later player
On another note, lineup sucked tonight. Totally wasn't expecting what happened. I'm glad I did well, I just wish the rest of my pledge brothers would have done as well. We know our shit, which is good, we just can't get rattled. Definatley still looking forward to the retreat this weekend, hopefully it happens. I need to get away from certain people and this weekend is just what the doctor ordered. A few games of beer pong and I should be back to my old care-free, fun loving self.
I'm really looking forward to me, smelly, and Emily's movie and bean dip night wednesday night. It's been so long since we've all been together. I miss those girls so much and just being with them makes things so much better. I love them to death. It's just so weird that even though we go to the same school now we see each other less than we did over the summer. Hell, smelly lives across the street from me. But we are all so busy with school and other friends it's hard to find time. But I feel like I should make it a priority from now on because I will hopefully have them two as sisters for the rest of our lives. Reading smelly's email finally brought tears to my eyes that I've been trying to get for a couple weeks now. It's been rough, but that's why she's one of my best friends. I've been trying to cry for so long, to vent a little and let off some of the emotion I'm holding inside but I couldn't. Her email was all about our friendship and how much we all mean to each other and it was enough to start the tears welling up in my eyes. While I didn't cry all the way, it was a good start and releived some of the tension.
I just hope I can get through the rest of this week without creating too much permanent damage. I have been quite the cold prig this week, but I can't help it. I'm fucking pissed off and that's just how shit goes. I need to get drunk, it's been way too fucking long. Later player