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well where to start ... wednesday I guess .. went to go see spiderman 2 with my best friend jason .. and then on thursday my cable bill got paid so yay ... I get my internet ...but that is where the good things stop.
friday . .went to club .. first time in 2 1/2 months .. had a crappy time .. left early..... didnt sleep at all .. so saturday comes it was ok ... nothing too bad... .... except I read a journal .. and this comment directed at me .. "I am really sorry I can't love you the way you want to be loved by me" ... which really hurts me .. cause I have loved her for so long .. loved her more than anything in the world .. still do and always will .. and it just sucks .... so anyway I stayed at Jasons sunday and monday since he was up north .. and i watched the animals .. it was cool .. a little boring at times , so I had a lot of time to think ,but cool . I decided to get rid of alot of people who were detrimental to my life .. and keep just a select few... and I will see how that goes... I was supposed to go to indie fest with the woman i love too much .. but her friends blew her of saturday night .. so she got pissed and didnt want to go .. so who suffers again ... me ... it seems like everytime I make plans with her .. they go in the shitter ... oh well ..... I give up
so then I stayed monday night at her house so I can drive her son to day care and her to work tuesday .. since I was putting a radiator in her car ... that went smoothly .. except I got handed a pillow and a blanket .. and directed to the couch .. .. even tho all I was hoping for was to sleep with her .. no sex or anything .. just sleep .. i wanted to be near her .. but that didnt happen ..... ... but then when I picked her up from work .. I get no thak you or anything .. just I see you had no problems .... ... and I was moody all the way to pick up her son ... she asked why ..... hmmm I wonder ... but I said nothing .. and dont worry about it .. cause I know she is still in love with Ian ... and I read the quote above .... so when I got them home .. I stayed for a couple mins .. cause she got right on the phone .. i didnt want to be rude and just leave ... cause I am toooo damn nice .. .I so feel like I am just convienient for everyone ... just there to help out .. and give love .. but where is everyone when I need it ???????? I have done so much for her . and love her sooo much .. and she loves me ... but why not the way I need ... thats all I want to know .... and I dont want no bullshit either ... just the honost truth , no matter how much it might hurt .. but I wil lstill be there no matter what for her .. I just couldnt not be there.... but maybe I need to just stay away for a couple , few days .... and let her call or e-mail me
well anyway I guess that is enough whining , and feeling sorry for myself .. I am going to go sulk .. and attempt to sleep .... doubt it will happen but .......I will try
since no one seems to care enough to e-mail me or message me ... I will just post here .. and not care if anyone reads this ... its more for me anyway .. so everyone can just fuck off .. if they dont care enough about me . I dont care about them
pissed off and depressed T