(no subject)
well ... I guess my life isnt meant to get any better.I tried to do things differently , still be my same old nice self and help everyone out and try to make them happy. I see where that gets me.Right in the damn toilet as usual , used up and forgot about, then flushed away.
I really love Carrie .. always have and always will , I do hope she will find happiness again , whether with her husband or wherever.I just wish it would be with me, but I have to realistic , it probably not ever going to happen. I just feel so used .. I dont regret anything we have done together .. it was the best days of my life seriously, but I try to help her .. and I can't .. she cannot accept my help. I am giving her a car .. and thats all she seems to want or need from me , .. it seems she doesnt even want me around anymore .. and I would like to know why ... I feel like I am only there when its convienient .. when I am needed but no one is ever there when I need them ...I didnt even get mentioned in her last journal posting , everyone else screwed seems to be cared about .... but not good ol Tony .. he'll always be around and ok , which is true .. but I am getting really tired of it. Sandy ripped my heart of my chest and danced on it ... and now it seems carrie is about to also , I should have known better. I havent seen Carrie in a couple days and I miss her sooooo much ... and I love her soooo much ..I would and will do ANYTHING for her.... but I dont think she really knows how much ... maybe she will read this and finally know.
but enough feeling sorry for myself .... on the upside .. I have been talking to and getting to know a really cool woman
palegothgoddess .
well thats enough for tonight .. I am going to attempt some relaxaton and sleep .. probably not going to happen but oh well .. such is life.
T