(no subject)
2nd entry
I need more confidence. Some people always seem sure of themselves and I dotn know what to think, maybe my mom is right maybe I am incredibly naieve. I want things to be nicer than they really are, but at the same time I want to be included. I don’t really care if we’re drinking or not, what does that change, I want to ahng with friends, buta thte same time I want to be with girls. Maybe somehow I see parties as my chance to be with girls, but that’s fake, but on the other ahnd do I really need a serious strong mrelationship I high school, iasnt as m y dad says a time to experiement and find out what I want, maybe im too picky. why do I have such a problem with revealing my emotions, but I don’t, I tell people how im feeling. I think my problem may be that I overanalyze my decisions and worry a lot about the consequences. Whats the worst that could happen?..she says no. How bad is that really, is the old altruism really true there is no chance for success if I don’t allow myself room for failure( or something like that). I try imagining myself continuing ona relationship before I even start it…lets be more daring Jake. That’s part of the reason I got that tattoo. I wanted to do something I might regret, just because. SO I wouldn’t always live in this little shell of overanalyzing my actions. Do something that may not be the right thing, because I want to remember how I feel about this. It will remind me of How I was when I was 18 and what I was thinking about, it’ll be part of me and even if its not it’ll remind me about life. The fact that life isn’t always perfect, but you gotta live with it and be happy with what is unchangeable just like my tattoo…(symbolism yeah)
I need more confidence. Some people always seem sure of themselves and I dotn know what to think, maybe my mom is right maybe I am incredibly naieve. I want things to be nicer than they really are, but at the same time I want to be included. I don’t really care if we’re drinking or not, what does that change, I want to ahng with friends, buta thte same time I want to be with girls. Maybe somehow I see parties as my chance to be with girls, but that’s fake, but on the other ahnd do I really need a serious strong mrelationship I high school, iasnt as m y dad says a time to experiement and find out what I want, maybe im too picky. why do I have such a problem with revealing my emotions, but I don’t, I tell people how im feeling. I think my problem may be that I overanalyze my decisions and worry a lot about the consequences. Whats the worst that could happen?..she says no. How bad is that really, is the old altruism really true there is no chance for success if I don’t allow myself room for failure( or something like that). I try imagining myself continuing ona relationship before I even start it…lets be more daring Jake. That’s part of the reason I got that tattoo. I wanted to do something I might regret, just because. SO I wouldn’t always live in this little shell of overanalyzing my actions. Do something that may not be the right thing, because I want to remember how I feel about this. It will remind me of How I was when I was 18 and what I was thinking about, it’ll be part of me and even if its not it’ll remind me about life. The fact that life isn’t always perfect, but you gotta live with it and be happy with what is unchangeable just like my tattoo…(symbolism yeah)