Becoming my own worst enemy...
"I know that I can turn you on,
I wish I could just turn you off.
I never wanted this."
This seems to be a reoccurring theme with some of my relationships.
See I keep putting myself in these stupid situations,
And I think I've finally found myself a little map of how each one will pan out.
Situation A: "The Brief"
I'm attracted to someone &
Y) They are gay.
Z) They just don't reciprocate the same feelings. : /
In either case nothing happens & I'm left to start the cycle all over again.
Situation B: <--- Most often occurrence
I'm not necessarily attracted to someone but I trust them enough/have enough in common with them to start a relationship with them. In this case I end up getting into a relationship that after a good 2 months of seeing each other I've had enough, am distracted by the people I do feel attracted to, and wish I could get out quick but am too cowardly to let this person know how I really feel. By this time this person has deep feelings for me, AND not that I don't for them, but I can't help but wish I could attempt a relationship with someone I'm really drawn to.
In the end, I have wasted a great deal of time, feel like a piece of shit, & break some poor guy's heart.
Situation C:
I'm attracted to some gorgeous guy, they express attraction to me, we date for MAYBE a couple of weeks & then POOF I get my heart stomped on. Indicating that I have just encountered a male whore that just wanted to use me, didn't get to or did, and now is moving on to some new fling. This seems to be the reason I put myself in Situation B <---See Above. Fucking Assholes
Situation D: <--- Happened only once.
I fall in love with a guy that is beautiful & they love me back. We have an awesome relationship & I expect to spend the rest of my life with this person when ultimately I find out that this person was NEVER truly who they assumed to be & am left heartbroken *AGAIN* and VERY pissed off.
-> To this person out there.... "FUCK YOU because I loved you. FUCK YOU for loving it too. I Don't need a reason to hate you the way that I do."
And Finally the occasional
Situation E:
I meet someone who I truly adore, they adore me, & we date. The relationship isn't bad but somehow I have blown this person up in my mind to be soooo big & wonderful that I end up disappointing myself when I soon realize they are just an average person. In the end the relationship doesn't work out.
If there is a god out there, you're an asshole for making people do this to ourselves. Will I ever learn?
And I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
Lonely again,
_.:xXx Cassandra xXx:._
I wish I could just turn you off.
I never wanted this."
This seems to be a reoccurring theme with some of my relationships.
See I keep putting myself in these stupid situations,
And I think I've finally found myself a little map of how each one will pan out.
Situation A: "The Brief"
I'm attracted to someone &
Y) They are gay.
Z) They just don't reciprocate the same feelings. : /
In either case nothing happens & I'm left to start the cycle all over again.
Situation B: <--- Most often occurrence
I'm not necessarily attracted to someone but I trust them enough/have enough in common with them to start a relationship with them. In this case I end up getting into a relationship that after a good 2 months of seeing each other I've had enough, am distracted by the people I do feel attracted to, and wish I could get out quick but am too cowardly to let this person know how I really feel. By this time this person has deep feelings for me, AND not that I don't for them, but I can't help but wish I could attempt a relationship with someone I'm really drawn to.
In the end, I have wasted a great deal of time, feel like a piece of shit, & break some poor guy's heart.
Situation C:
I'm attracted to some gorgeous guy, they express attraction to me, we date for MAYBE a couple of weeks & then POOF I get my heart stomped on. Indicating that I have just encountered a male whore that just wanted to use me, didn't get to or did, and now is moving on to some new fling. This seems to be the reason I put myself in Situation B <---See Above. Fucking Assholes
Situation D: <--- Happened only once.
I fall in love with a guy that is beautiful & they love me back. We have an awesome relationship & I expect to spend the rest of my life with this person when ultimately I find out that this person was NEVER truly who they assumed to be & am left heartbroken *AGAIN* and VERY pissed off.
-> To this person out there.... "FUCK YOU because I loved you. FUCK YOU for loving it too. I Don't need a reason to hate you the way that I do."
And Finally the occasional
Situation E:
I meet someone who I truly adore, they adore me, & we date. The relationship isn't bad but somehow I have blown this person up in my mind to be soooo big & wonderful that I end up disappointing myself when I soon realize they are just an average person. In the end the relationship doesn't work out.
If there is a god out there, you're an asshole for making people do this to ourselves. Will I ever learn?
And I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
Lonely again,
_.:xXx Cassandra xXx:._