I'm so fucking tired of this.
Ok..where to begin on this long ass fucking rant...I am fucking tired as shit of this my mom bullshit.. She doesn't understand me or who I am which causes her to make false accusations about who I am.. But god.. It just hits me like completely in a deep spot.. Cause i've changed so much from the completely douche bag asshole I use to be.. I was so fucking confused about what i want, or what i wanted to do or anything when I was 14.. I hung out with people I probably shouldn't have..I was completely something I despise now. I was your typical lost and confused teenager THEN. But now from dealing with that bullshit so.. soon i've totally developed my character.. and I completely pride myself on keep myself straight on shit and not letting myself fall into these dark ass pit and making good descions and haveing these fucking strong ass morals. SO for her to sit there and say 1.) I'm brainwashed and 2.)I'm a troubled teenager with no concience.. I REALLY fucking resent the hell out of that and it really like makes me angry to the point where i just wanna pull out a sniper rifle and shoot some bitches up.. I just can't deal with her saying it in that "I'm a concerned parent who is right about you" voice. I mean honestly when did she become the concerned parent, I mean seriously for as long as I can remember it's always just been me and myself. I'm a pretty conservative person when it comes down to alot of personal bullshit.. Because i've always relyed on myself to just sit there and thing this shit through rationally with out haveing anyone that might be particularly biased towards some shit in any way comeing in to give me advice. I kind of made myself my own advice freak.. I mean bottom line: I fucked up alot, i thought i was total trash, felt like there was no way out, out of that i've developed alot more than maybe you should be for 17 or whatever. Anyways..Because she doesn't actually understand any of this she's just catergorizing me by the last karie she knew which was when i was younger and impressionable. I mean i can't even even make her understand now because she can't calm down to talk like an adult for like more than 10 mintues with me.. She always has to YELL YELL YELL and jesus. Just because she is an adult doesn't mean she has a valid point on anything. When she walks in with that man she calls my father insisting that they are people that should influence me in my life.. it's a HUGE joke.. Lets see.. we have someone who is unsuccessful in what she does finacially, and shes avoidant of her shit.. It's constantly just like sitting there and she won't deal with it because she's scared of it, she wont get mail because shes afraid of bills. She has no strong plan to hold her up any way whatsoever, the only way she wants to handle things is by throwing out what she wants to say and walking away, you can't have one sided conversations! HELLO! It's not a conversation if it's onesided.. Please smite me now god. Okay.. then now lets move on to mike(the wonderful fatherfigure) I go on first name basis with him. I'm sorry but i'm not forgiving if you fucking hurt me or someone else and it seriously fucks with me i just cant deal with it.. theres no forgiving him. I've always had issues with him.. He's always done that beating approach, thats not how you discipline a fucking child. I use to get so scared. Then I got older and he became more of a jerk.. Obviously cheating on my mom leaving pictures out. Comeing back like high on crack or whatever he was smoking and breaking shit and threatning my mom. I'm sorry but getting someone in a neck lock is never acceptable and you don't just forgive someone and say thats ok..I mean fucking threatning to cut off her head?!!?! For god's sake man that is a little over the top. He use to throw all this shit.. and god i was so like distraught by this stuff when i was a kid. I am not dumb enough to get myself back in that same shit twice.. and this is why i don't consider him a father at all.. Or anyone to put me on trial or judge me I mean seriously.. Shit man..fuck it.He has no say in anything because i've never said more than 2 words to him my entire life. I mean you could say i couldn't judge either. Which would be true if the way he was wasn't so worn on his sleeve. But dude if you're a douche.. you're a douche thats it, But god the whole thing is...bottom line like getting to any point:
1.) My mom doesn't rationalize
2.) My mom refuses to act like i'm a person
3.) My mom is afraid of change
4.) My mom is pissed i have a plan for my life
5.) My mom is pissed that i'm not fucking up and doing dumbass shit you do when you're a teenager.
6.) My moms pissed because I don't fit sterotypes..
Just in general.. because I'm slightly more complicated, it pisses her off, because my brother had no plan for his life he was just like i'm staying her after high school.. He never got a job, Or a part time job to earn cash. He just sits there 20 and not phased by life, Yet extremely defensive when you call him out on it, but because I have something i want to do and i'm making more mature descions shes getting pissed because i'm not acting my own age.. OK! So fucking what if i'm responsible for myself and my shit and I still make time to act like a dumbass.. I mean really.. The worst thing the WORST thing.. Is when she says i need like mental help because i'm a troubled teenager.. and okay she has me read ENTIRELY wrong but how do you tell her that when she wont listen and when she does she doesn't comprehend this is the hardest bullshit ever. Honestly dude. I mean I was in that shit once so when you tell it like its the truth now its a little hurtful and it's like NO FUCKING WAY MAN i've been through that once, so jesus.. give me some fucking credit here. Another shitty thing is the.. I go act like over the top for sympathy.. HA! Well fuck that man.. Seriously the last thing i want from anyone is sympathy which is why no one knows anything about my shit and i'm always so mysterious with it.. it's good that way because your name isn't in shit ever and you are in control of your shit no one else is.. I love it. If i go over the top its because she's triggered something.. I mean she makes up some type of excuse as to why shes allowed to outscream anything i'm trying to rationally tell her. She doesn't want to listen she just wants to scream her opinion out there and shove it at you and just leave.. Shes all fucking one sided, if i haven't expressed it to anyone yet. I'll do it now.. I HATE ONE SIDED PEOPLE and their fucked up one sided conversations.. Smite them all please. I get into these like spells of OK I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK TO DO ANYMORE when i finish talking to my mom.. Which is hard for me because I ALWAYS have some type of thing to do next i always have the next plan or solution going but.. Jesus.. I just get so tired of having chest pains and like massive overloads of blood flow to the head when i'm talking to her. It's too much. I wish it was quite simple..but it's not it never will be until i'm 18.. I mean it will be more simple then because at least i don't have threats on me and she can't control me anymore.. Shes using the fact that i'm under 18 to her advantage and she wants to control me like im 12. But jeez.. Like previously stated. She has no control on her life.. and she has to right to tell me "someone more level headed should be running your life" NO ONE needs to be fucking running my life except me.. I'm sorry I may sound like fucking crazy when i say this shit because i'm so passionate about it. Thats how i feel man, i have strong morals and opinions on a lot of shit.. Some of them just not expressed yet but they will be. Shit i'm not sitting back and letting someone just walk all over my life.. Jeez. She needs to realize you can't just control people like they're toys and stuff, and GOD theres so much wrong with the suitation and her it's sick.. Another bad thing happening to be that shes going back to random family memebers telling them i'm this disobediant teen. Fuck that shit.. telling them all that shit in her "Calm, i'm talking to old people" voice making them think shit.. and you know what thats what she hated about her mom was her doing that to all of her sisters so they thought she was shit.. I mean she cares because shes so like sensitive.. But I don't give a shit.. If you are going to believe lies go ahead i don't need acceptance from people who are just going to believe bullshit and lies on me just because i'm underage and the younger one here.. It's never a rule that just because shes older and a mom that she knows more just because i was birthed out of her 17 years ago does not make her wiser. I've built up all these things i stand for, and for her to sit there and try to break me and who i am.. Fuck that nigga.. I fight it to the grave cause you can't take me down. I'm gonna kick some ass, as weak as i may get and sound. I'm sorry but anyone trying to go against me for who i am.. well damn you won 't win it.=( Sorry! Anyways i think i'm about done ranting i've been sitting here forever talking about it to like 3 million people i think i'm going to go find food! =P mlah! GO GO POWER RANGERS. NO! Secret ninja police thats it! Much lovvvee<3
1.) My mom doesn't rationalize
2.) My mom refuses to act like i'm a person
3.) My mom is afraid of change
4.) My mom is pissed i have a plan for my life
5.) My mom is pissed that i'm not fucking up and doing dumbass shit you do when you're a teenager.
6.) My moms pissed because I don't fit sterotypes..
Just in general.. because I'm slightly more complicated, it pisses her off, because my brother had no plan for his life he was just like i'm staying her after high school.. He never got a job, Or a part time job to earn cash. He just sits there 20 and not phased by life, Yet extremely defensive when you call him out on it, but because I have something i want to do and i'm making more mature descions shes getting pissed because i'm not acting my own age.. OK! So fucking what if i'm responsible for myself and my shit and I still make time to act like a dumbass.. I mean really.. The worst thing the WORST thing.. Is when she says i need like mental help because i'm a troubled teenager.. and okay she has me read ENTIRELY wrong but how do you tell her that when she wont listen and when she does she doesn't comprehend this is the hardest bullshit ever. Honestly dude. I mean I was in that shit once so when you tell it like its the truth now its a little hurtful and it's like NO FUCKING WAY MAN i've been through that once, so jesus.. give me some fucking credit here. Another shitty thing is the.. I go act like over the top for sympathy.. HA! Well fuck that man.. Seriously the last thing i want from anyone is sympathy which is why no one knows anything about my shit and i'm always so mysterious with it.. it's good that way because your name isn't in shit ever and you are in control of your shit no one else is.. I love it. If i go over the top its because she's triggered something.. I mean she makes up some type of excuse as to why shes allowed to outscream anything i'm trying to rationally tell her. She doesn't want to listen she just wants to scream her opinion out there and shove it at you and just leave.. Shes all fucking one sided, if i haven't expressed it to anyone yet. I'll do it now.. I HATE ONE SIDED PEOPLE and their fucked up one sided conversations.. Smite them all please. I get into these like spells of OK I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK TO DO ANYMORE when i finish talking to my mom.. Which is hard for me because I ALWAYS have some type of thing to do next i always have the next plan or solution going but.. Jesus.. I just get so tired of having chest pains and like massive overloads of blood flow to the head when i'm talking to her. It's too much. I wish it was quite simple..but it's not it never will be until i'm 18.. I mean it will be more simple then because at least i don't have threats on me and she can't control me anymore.. Shes using the fact that i'm under 18 to her advantage and she wants to control me like im 12. But jeez.. Like previously stated. She has no control on her life.. and she has to right to tell me "someone more level headed should be running your life" NO ONE needs to be fucking running my life except me.. I'm sorry I may sound like fucking crazy when i say this shit because i'm so passionate about it. Thats how i feel man, i have strong morals and opinions on a lot of shit.. Some of them just not expressed yet but they will be. Shit i'm not sitting back and letting someone just walk all over my life.. Jeez. She needs to realize you can't just control people like they're toys and stuff, and GOD theres so much wrong with the suitation and her it's sick.. Another bad thing happening to be that shes going back to random family memebers telling them i'm this disobediant teen. Fuck that shit.. telling them all that shit in her "Calm, i'm talking to old people" voice making them think shit.. and you know what thats what she hated about her mom was her doing that to all of her sisters so they thought she was shit.. I mean she cares because shes so like sensitive.. But I don't give a shit.. If you are going to believe lies go ahead i don't need acceptance from people who are just going to believe bullshit and lies on me just because i'm underage and the younger one here.. It's never a rule that just because shes older and a mom that she knows more just because i was birthed out of her 17 years ago does not make her wiser. I've built up all these things i stand for, and for her to sit there and try to break me and who i am.. Fuck that nigga.. I fight it to the grave cause you can't take me down. I'm gonna kick some ass, as weak as i may get and sound. I'm sorry but anyone trying to go against me for who i am.. well damn you won 't win it.=( Sorry! Anyways i think i'm about done ranting i've been sitting here forever talking about it to like 3 million people i think i'm going to go find food! =P mlah! GO GO POWER RANGERS. NO! Secret ninja police thats it! Much lovvvee<3