laura 101
i've reached a rare moment when i actually feel like writing in this dumb thing. seeing as how the new year has started, i am optimistic and excited for how much my life is changing and how different it will be in 2007. with that being said, i'm going to try to briefly describe what i have gone through the past few months and possibly lay out some of where i hope to go.
bottom line to everything is that i became too dependent on one person and lived my life completely around that person. then that person disappeared from my life. in reality it was the best thing to happen to both of us, but it was still a huge adjustment period i had to experience. i had to figure out how to live again. i couldn't function normally becaues the one thing my life focused on was not there to guide me. i fell into depression because of thinking that if i didn't have that one person in my life then i didn't want anyone. every day i felt more and more alone and lost. i was still keeping myself reserved for this one person hoping maybe the person would come back. i just felt as though if this person didn't want anything to do with me, then why would anyone else.
then i finally had my break through. my mind finally began to think in the way it needed to think. i went to counseling and started seeing things for what they really were. i had finally stopped dwelling on my loss and focused on what i was gaining. i started enriching other friendships. i stopped crying every day. i started eating again. i was smiling. i had hope. i saw my potential for growth now that i wasn't living my life completely tied up in one person. i was free. me and this person are still friends. we have gone through numerous rough patches. will probably still have a few more, but it's all about adjusting to a different friendship. things are completely different between us, and it will still take some time to get it all ironed out. but what i am happy about is that we are still friends even after everything. we'll get it worked out.
positives to this whole ordeal:
-definitely brought me closer to who my life should be living around, God
-enriched other friendships by opening myself up to others
-opportunity to become my own person and grow on my own, as well as the opportunity for the other person to do the same(something we both desperately needed)
-helped me lose the weight i gained at college, haha it's true
-freed me
-i have been able to see myself at my darkest/lowest point, and then was able to see myself fight out of it
-i know what it is like to go to therapy, hey it's a good thing if you need it
-character development/strength building
now i can happily sit here and say i am in a much different point than what i was in a few months ago. i'm trying so hard. i want change, i want growth, i want maturity. i'm gaining all of that more and more every day. yes i realize i'm only 21, and i'm not suddenly going to do all my growing now. i realize i'll be growing for the rest of my life. this is a pretty big stage though. believe me. i need this. just trust me. this is going to be one of the best things to happen to me. i'm so excited. keep praying, the Lord is faithful always. i learn that more and more every day.
*laura kay
bottom line to everything is that i became too dependent on one person and lived my life completely around that person. then that person disappeared from my life. in reality it was the best thing to happen to both of us, but it was still a huge adjustment period i had to experience. i had to figure out how to live again. i couldn't function normally becaues the one thing my life focused on was not there to guide me. i fell into depression because of thinking that if i didn't have that one person in my life then i didn't want anyone. every day i felt more and more alone and lost. i was still keeping myself reserved for this one person hoping maybe the person would come back. i just felt as though if this person didn't want anything to do with me, then why would anyone else.
then i finally had my break through. my mind finally began to think in the way it needed to think. i went to counseling and started seeing things for what they really were. i had finally stopped dwelling on my loss and focused on what i was gaining. i started enriching other friendships. i stopped crying every day. i started eating again. i was smiling. i had hope. i saw my potential for growth now that i wasn't living my life completely tied up in one person. i was free. me and this person are still friends. we have gone through numerous rough patches. will probably still have a few more, but it's all about adjusting to a different friendship. things are completely different between us, and it will still take some time to get it all ironed out. but what i am happy about is that we are still friends even after everything. we'll get it worked out.
positives to this whole ordeal:
-definitely brought me closer to who my life should be living around, God
-enriched other friendships by opening myself up to others
-opportunity to become my own person and grow on my own, as well as the opportunity for the other person to do the same(something we both desperately needed)
-helped me lose the weight i gained at college, haha it's true
-freed me
-i have been able to see myself at my darkest/lowest point, and then was able to see myself fight out of it
-i know what it is like to go to therapy, hey it's a good thing if you need it
-character development/strength building
now i can happily sit here and say i am in a much different point than what i was in a few months ago. i'm trying so hard. i want change, i want growth, i want maturity. i'm gaining all of that more and more every day. yes i realize i'm only 21, and i'm not suddenly going to do all my growing now. i realize i'll be growing for the rest of my life. this is a pretty big stage though. believe me. i need this. just trust me. this is going to be one of the best things to happen to me. i'm so excited. keep praying, the Lord is faithful always. i learn that more and more every day.
*laura kay