Confession
I am a horrible person..
I have so many friends around me that love me and care for me.. Yet I can't bring myself to appreciate that.. I can't stop focusing on myself to 2 seconds to understand that someone may need me to talk.. I am a terrible friend.. I warn people of this before they ever try and associate with me.. I don't want anyone to feel as if I don't want them around, because I DO.. I just don't want them to be hurt because I'm not all I'm cracked up to be.. There is this one woman.. Her name is Lindsay and I haven't appreciated her or even taken the time to call and see how she is doing because I'm too caught up in school and my future.. What is wrong with me? She is my best friend.. She is a sister to me.. She is everything I've ever wanted to be.. And I throw her to the side.. Thinking, well I'll catch up with her later.. I feel so horrible and ungrateful.. The truth is Linz, I do care about you.. I do miss you with all my heart and it pains me to think that I may have been the person you are talking about.. Even if I'm not that person, I still feel horrible.. Because I know I haven't been that great of a friend.. I needed to hear that.. As some kind of wake-up call.. I could lose you and our almost 9 years of friendship.. And I refuse to let that happen because of petty things.. I care about you and I love you so much Linz... It may not seem like it, but with everything I do, I think about what you would have thought.. You are what keeps me grounded, even though it may not seem like it.. I think of you constantly and I hope everything is ok.. Truth is, I haven't called because I thought you'd be upset with me for not calling for awhile.. So I fixed this by not calling at all.. It makes no sense and I had no reason to think that way.. Because I should have thought that by not calling you at all, it would have pushed you further and further away.. I don't know how I'm going to fix this, but I WILL fix this..
I'll always be here and I'm going to try harder to be the friend you deserve... I love you Linz..
Stephanie