Things and whatnots
Reflections by Richard Ayoade
[First in a series. I hope.]
I have been concerned about the re-emergence of depression again. It has been some time since I have been on antidepressants, but I was surprised when I realized we are just now coming to the two year mark since stopping them. I am a believer in their general efficacy, it's just that back in 2014 I had been on them in one form or another for so long I had no idea what my baseline state was, and I thought it was important to find out. (I started with Prozac in August 2000.) Hmm, I wonder what it is about the coming of autumn that ties to my mental state. There must be something tangible there. Anyway, I have noticed a general decline in mood over the last few months, despite my ability to soldier on and do the things I feel I should be doing (studying, making healthy choices, etc). There has certainly been a decline in the amount of happiness I am getting from things, but in a new twist I find my threshold for irritation has gone into freefall. I know I've always been cranky, but that's a given part of my charm. This is a like having a grain of sand constantly in my eye. I get annoyed by the slightest things, things that never would usually bother me, or things I know aren't worth being upset over. And while I can deal with apathy (we are old friends), I am NOT okay with this new emotional trend, if for no other reason that I'm sure it makes me more of a bear to live with.
So I have to decide whether to just see how it continues for a while longer or try some new medications. Like I've already indicated, I am absolutely not anti-medication. If it's a brain chemistry problem, I'm 100% for fixing that ASAP. But I also know how hit-and-miss finding the right drug/dosage can be, and I'm not keen on having to deal with any side effects that come with it. I could try to do more with alternate therapies like yoga and meditation, to see if that helps avoid anger issues, but I haven't had a great deal of luck so far. Most of the videos I've tried to watch turn me off because the speaker's voice bugs the shit out of me. I wish I were making that up, but it's true. :)
Work continues on my NoFace costume. I need to have it all done before Sunday. I have concerns that the extended headpiece may be too awkward to wear all around Comic Con, but I think I need to press ahead and make it and then see how I feel about it. If I was just a little taller I wouldn't have to do anything but make a mask and a cape, but the character looks a lot better with a bit of height. Of course, in this instance he's also going to walking around with a rose-patterned cane, but there's not much I can do about that. The poncho/lower part of the costume has turned out extra roomy, so I might get away with keeping the cane under the costume, but I don't know how that will increase the trip factor. I'd rather be NoFace with a pink cane than NoFace sprawled out on the floor of the SECC.
Ben was home sick yesterday - the first school illness of the year strikes! - and Panda and I seem to be one the borders of contracting it ourselves. I really hope it passes, because a cold on top of everthing else is really going to send me crashing.
A little bit slower on my computer programming studies this past week than usual. I blame it on the hat trick of being out of the house on Monday, being distracted with costume concerns, and lower energy due to this potential illness. Ben being home yesterday ate into my time as well. I love him being around, but the distraction factor is off the chart. At least I am still working through some simple python exercises, and keeping on top of my daily Duolingo check-ins: 120 days and counting!
I should mention that I am liking python more. Feels only fair to admit this given I was whinging about it earlier. ;-)
[First in a series. I hope.]
I have been concerned about the re-emergence of depression again. It has been some time since I have been on antidepressants, but I was surprised when I realized we are just now coming to the two year mark since stopping them. I am a believer in their general efficacy, it's just that back in 2014 I had been on them in one form or another for so long I had no idea what my baseline state was, and I thought it was important to find out. (I started with Prozac in August 2000.) Hmm, I wonder what it is about the coming of autumn that ties to my mental state. There must be something tangible there. Anyway, I have noticed a general decline in mood over the last few months, despite my ability to soldier on and do the things I feel I should be doing (studying, making healthy choices, etc). There has certainly been a decline in the amount of happiness I am getting from things, but in a new twist I find my threshold for irritation has gone into freefall. I know I've always been cranky, but that's a given part of my charm. This is a like having a grain of sand constantly in my eye. I get annoyed by the slightest things, things that never would usually bother me, or things I know aren't worth being upset over. And while I can deal with apathy (we are old friends), I am NOT okay with this new emotional trend, if for no other reason that I'm sure it makes me more of a bear to live with.
So I have to decide whether to just see how it continues for a while longer or try some new medications. Like I've already indicated, I am absolutely not anti-medication. If it's a brain chemistry problem, I'm 100% for fixing that ASAP. But I also know how hit-and-miss finding the right drug/dosage can be, and I'm not keen on having to deal with any side effects that come with it. I could try to do more with alternate therapies like yoga and meditation, to see if that helps avoid anger issues, but I haven't had a great deal of luck so far. Most of the videos I've tried to watch turn me off because the speaker's voice bugs the shit out of me. I wish I were making that up, but it's true. :)
Work continues on my NoFace costume. I need to have it all done before Sunday. I have concerns that the extended headpiece may be too awkward to wear all around Comic Con, but I think I need to press ahead and make it and then see how I feel about it. If I was just a little taller I wouldn't have to do anything but make a mask and a cape, but the character looks a lot better with a bit of height. Of course, in this instance he's also going to walking around with a rose-patterned cane, but there's not much I can do about that. The poncho/lower part of the costume has turned out extra roomy, so I might get away with keeping the cane under the costume, but I don't know how that will increase the trip factor. I'd rather be NoFace with a pink cane than NoFace sprawled out on the floor of the SECC.
Ben was home sick yesterday - the first school illness of the year strikes! - and Panda and I seem to be one the borders of contracting it ourselves. I really hope it passes, because a cold on top of everthing else is really going to send me crashing.
A little bit slower on my computer programming studies this past week than usual. I blame it on the hat trick of being out of the house on Monday, being distracted with costume concerns, and lower energy due to this potential illness. Ben being home yesterday ate into my time as well. I love him being around, but the distraction factor is off the chart. At least I am still working through some simple python exercises, and keeping on top of my daily Duolingo check-ins: 120 days and counting!
I should mention that I am liking python more. Feels only fair to admit this given I was whinging about it earlier. ;-)