Ask the Expert
The neighbor kids were asking me last week what breeds Wilbur and Banzai are. I told them that Wilbur is part chow and part pendejo. Their eyes went all big and they giggled and looked at each other. And what is Banzai? Banzai is part Akita and part cabron. More giggling. Then they wanted to know if it is true - and they'd been waiting for an opportunity to ask a real dog expert - that if you watch a dog pooping, you'll get warts on your eyes. I told them yes, it's true, which is why I wear glasses: to block the poop rays that cause warts. There was silence for a minute while they studied my face and then Chuy, the middle sibling, called bullshit, ever-so-politely. I told him he was right, and that watching a dog poop just makes you weird. They thought that was reasonable.
Pilar started telling me about her 16yo horse at her aunt's house. I asked her if she talks to it, because at 16, it's probably very very smart. She was shocked. You can talk to horses? I told her of course, you can talk to any animal. You just have to get to know it. Then they wanted to know if all animals understand English and Spanish. I told them no, it all depends on what you use when you're talking to them.
Pilar started telling me about her 16yo horse at her aunt's house. I asked her if she talks to it, because at 16, it's probably very very smart. She was shocked. You can talk to horses? I told her of course, you can talk to any animal. You just have to get to know it. Then they wanted to know if all animals understand English and Spanish. I told them no, it all depends on what you use when you're talking to them.