stalking old friends on facebook, looking at pictures
The first girl I ever kissed, the girl I went to freshman orientation in high school with in our matching collars and black nail polish, band t-shirts and too much makeup, is married to some random shaved head air-force dude. They've both found Jesus. It's terrifying. It's not that marrying some random dude or finding Jesus is that terrifying, it's just....shes so happy with a life that looks so small to me, and I'm constantly wanting something 'more' , and something bigger but I don't know what that looks like, or how to get there. I'm jealous that she's happy with so little when I can't seem to find a purpose at all. And it makes me wonder, what's so different about her and I that she could just be happy with what she has, and I can't? I just can't seem to let myself be happy stuck in an office all day, filing shit for people who don't even think about me unless they need me to let them in the building when they're too lazy to dig through their designer handbags for their keys, or worse yet, the ones who just stand there staring at the door, waiting for me to look up and see that they've been waiting, impatiently.