oh, helena
If the Inquisition only knew!
of duende,
How much I loved you!
of the demonic.
And the brass farthing you paid me for my love!
The merest, unnatural, denatured spirit
They would have burned you!
of music.
Like a Jew!
-Jonathan Levi, A Guide for the Perplexed
I get this feeling, that there's something that I missed. Somehow, in the five minutes a day I'm not keeping a constant vigil over all happenings in my world, something happened. I did not plan it. Like a door slamming shut, but you never knew it was open.
I am not alone.
I have always been alone. I have always cherished my solitary existence. No questioning. No history to contend with my own. Empty bottles, and pink lips, and yes, I adore my selfish orgasms with no one to hear me scream. Driving alone in the dark with a cigarette burning down. Light another one that I'll forget to smoke. I miss the cold. I miss the cold like I miss that piece of my soul I can't find anymore. Something hot and lethal keeps trying to fill the wound, and the tears don't help but ripping my heart out might. Still beating in my clutched, dieing fist.
I'v long broken all of human law.
No one seems to see the rage. Ah, the bliss of being nocturnal. Getting lost in the dark is the only salvation to be found in this world sometimes, you know? If you can't see yourself, what's the difference? Oedipus, Ophelia, empty hands and empty beds. MAYBE WE LIKE RUNNING MAD! Would you find my eyes half as lovely if you weren't so tempted by the havoc behind them? Or are you simply chasing storms? I won't be your addiction, I am the foundation. The firmament. Would you deny me? Or would you know me, all of me, for ever and anon. I'm afraid I offer only two choices.
Heads you live. Tails, you die.
Maybe it's you. Maybe it's you who's chasing me down in my dreams. Every single night, without ceasing, your hands seek my neck. Relentless. And I'm losing my lead. Broken fences, locked doors, familiar faces, I'v wasted to much time. Your so close I can feel you even in my waking state. So close. What is it? Would you take the life of me, right out of my lungs. Can you hear me, feel me in your arms, holding my last breath? I'd sooner leave you with nothing, an empty corpse, then give you that honor. I will not sleep tonight. I will not give chase. And know that next time I see you, I will not run.
I am not running.
I know love.
One truth I will not speak of tonight, but the one voice that cries the loudest.
Silence
Silence
Silence
Silence
This is no place for a child like me.
of duende,
How much I loved you!
of the demonic.
And the brass farthing you paid me for my love!
The merest, unnatural, denatured spirit
They would have burned you!
of music.
Like a Jew!
-Jonathan Levi, A Guide for the Perplexed
I get this feeling, that there's something that I missed. Somehow, in the five minutes a day I'm not keeping a constant vigil over all happenings in my world, something happened. I did not plan it. Like a door slamming shut, but you never knew it was open.
I am not alone.
I have always been alone. I have always cherished my solitary existence. No questioning. No history to contend with my own. Empty bottles, and pink lips, and yes, I adore my selfish orgasms with no one to hear me scream. Driving alone in the dark with a cigarette burning down. Light another one that I'll forget to smoke. I miss the cold. I miss the cold like I miss that piece of my soul I can't find anymore. Something hot and lethal keeps trying to fill the wound, and the tears don't help but ripping my heart out might. Still beating in my clutched, dieing fist.
I'v long broken all of human law.
No one seems to see the rage. Ah, the bliss of being nocturnal. Getting lost in the dark is the only salvation to be found in this world sometimes, you know? If you can't see yourself, what's the difference? Oedipus, Ophelia, empty hands and empty beds. MAYBE WE LIKE RUNNING MAD! Would you find my eyes half as lovely if you weren't so tempted by the havoc behind them? Or are you simply chasing storms? I won't be your addiction, I am the foundation. The firmament. Would you deny me? Or would you know me, all of me, for ever and anon. I'm afraid I offer only two choices.
Heads you live. Tails, you die.
Maybe it's you. Maybe it's you who's chasing me down in my dreams. Every single night, without ceasing, your hands seek my neck. Relentless. And I'm losing my lead. Broken fences, locked doors, familiar faces, I'v wasted to much time. Your so close I can feel you even in my waking state. So close. What is it? Would you take the life of me, right out of my lungs. Can you hear me, feel me in your arms, holding my last breath? I'd sooner leave you with nothing, an empty corpse, then give you that honor. I will not sleep tonight. I will not give chase. And know that next time I see you, I will not run.
I am not running.
I know love.
One truth I will not speak of tonight, but the one voice that cries the loudest.
Silence
Silence
Silence
Silence
This is no place for a child like me.