Altitude
Ok here it goes..
This weekend was Whistler Pride. I was so excited for this weekend all month. Partly because of getting together with the girls again for another adventure and also to see Court. It all started pretty good...
I was itching in my seat while in class on friday morning. All I wanted was for it to be over so I could see court. I hadn't seen her in over a month! There were a lot of emotions flying around that weekend. I was happy to just be around her again, excited for the fun and yet somehow nervous. Nervous because even though I've been with Courtney for 7-8 months, it's like seeing her again for the first time. I felt clumsy and brash.
We got to the condo at around 6:30ish. There were quite a few girls already there drinking. Though I can say the party didn't really start till we got there. We took it easy with the drinks.. at least for the first hour. It pretty much turned in to a gong show shortly after. I believe there was jello being eaten off people and body shots. A whole barrel of fun.
I know that when people are drinking they don't exactly act like themselves. But I mean when someone is trying to make out with people I think you have the right to ask them to stop if you don't feel comfortable with it. Regardless if you're scared to hurt feelings or are afraid people will get mad at you. I dunno... I think if I see someone trying to kiss my girlfriend or if I happen to walk in to the room while they're getting close in a corner I'd get upset. I'd get more than upset; I'd get angry. I probably wouldn't want to talk to anyone... including my girlfriend. Given that the situation is innocent and looked worse then it really was, I shouldn't have to walk in on that. It made the rest of the weekend really awkward. It made this girl take a look at her drunken actions and learned that it's not ok to try to kiss everyone. Made my girlfriend look at her actions and how she should be a little more careful and not be such a push over. I also analyzed myself...
I never knew I got jealous like that anymore. I haven't been jealous like that in years. I just know, that I love Courtney so much, that I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. I've been put in the position to cheat on her a few times already and I've just walked away. Never even gave it a second thought. I've been told I don't appreciate people. I feel like I'm giving everything I have in this relationship. Still it doesn't feel like nearly enough.
Maybe what I have isn't enough for her. I've changed a lot since we've gotten together. Not for her but for myself. I've grown a lot. Maybe not all by own doing but here I am. I'm taking everything in. Processing the world in my new grown up vision. I see what I like, what I don't, what I need and what is bad for me. I try to filter out all these things that I would've held on dearly to in days past. I'm trying to formulate this wonderful space where I want to be everyday. Where I don't feel lost and loveless.
This weekend was Whistler Pride. I was so excited for this weekend all month. Partly because of getting together with the girls again for another adventure and also to see Court. It all started pretty good...
I was itching in my seat while in class on friday morning. All I wanted was for it to be over so I could see court. I hadn't seen her in over a month! There were a lot of emotions flying around that weekend. I was happy to just be around her again, excited for the fun and yet somehow nervous. Nervous because even though I've been with Courtney for 7-8 months, it's like seeing her again for the first time. I felt clumsy and brash.
We got to the condo at around 6:30ish. There were quite a few girls already there drinking. Though I can say the party didn't really start till we got there. We took it easy with the drinks.. at least for the first hour. It pretty much turned in to a gong show shortly after. I believe there was jello being eaten off people and body shots. A whole barrel of fun.
I know that when people are drinking they don't exactly act like themselves. But I mean when someone is trying to make out with people I think you have the right to ask them to stop if you don't feel comfortable with it. Regardless if you're scared to hurt feelings or are afraid people will get mad at you. I dunno... I think if I see someone trying to kiss my girlfriend or if I happen to walk in to the room while they're getting close in a corner I'd get upset. I'd get more than upset; I'd get angry. I probably wouldn't want to talk to anyone... including my girlfriend. Given that the situation is innocent and looked worse then it really was, I shouldn't have to walk in on that. It made the rest of the weekend really awkward. It made this girl take a look at her drunken actions and learned that it's not ok to try to kiss everyone. Made my girlfriend look at her actions and how she should be a little more careful and not be such a push over. I also analyzed myself...
I never knew I got jealous like that anymore. I haven't been jealous like that in years. I just know, that I love Courtney so much, that I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. I've been put in the position to cheat on her a few times already and I've just walked away. Never even gave it a second thought. I've been told I don't appreciate people. I feel like I'm giving everything I have in this relationship. Still it doesn't feel like nearly enough.
Maybe what I have isn't enough for her. I've changed a lot since we've gotten together. Not for her but for myself. I've grown a lot. Maybe not all by own doing but here I am. I'm taking everything in. Processing the world in my new grown up vision. I see what I like, what I don't, what I need and what is bad for me. I try to filter out all these things that I would've held on dearly to in days past. I'm trying to formulate this wonderful space where I want to be everyday. Where I don't feel lost and loveless.