Looking for a home.
Come august 1st Jen and I will be in a new apartment. Where? I'm not sure yet. We're still looking. I wish it was so much easier to find a place. I wouldn't mind living here for a while longer but really I need some space. 4 People 3 rooms and I'm the one left spaceless yet I pay the exact same amount of rent as everyone else. So why am I wasting money to share not only a room but an entire place with people and have no place I can call mine? I have no time/space to spin records expect during the day when no one is home. I like to do things by myself sometimes. Read books. Listen to music while I doodle. Lay on the floor for an hour doing nothing. Reflect. I haven't had time to do that in a while. It's come, go, eat, sleep and repeat lately. I haven't painted in so long. I haven't even looked at my sketch book in ages.
Sometimes it feels like I'm holding my breath. Until someone notices that I'm turning blue. Will any one notice?
Sometimes I try to push aside my insecurities about responsibility by quishing them down in to the pit of my stomach. Forgetting about them now and dealing with the indegestion later.
Last summer was so easy. Last summer everyone got along. I get to see my friends once in a while. But it's usually at some sort of club night and I'm sick of those. I want to go to the beach. I want to go to a house party. I want to sit on someone's front lawn and get totally pissed. I want to smoke so many fat blunts that it becomes so hard to look at anything with out breaking in to a fit of laughter. I want to go out with Jen and my friends and not have one fight about anything. And have a great time. And not get in trouble for anything my friends and I say or do. It's not the same when we go out with her friends. Sure they're fun but not nearly as cool as mine. But of course that's a bit biased. I guess we have fun in different ways. I wish sometimes we could just agree to have fun.
Sometimes it feels like I'm holding my breath. Until someone notices that I'm turning blue. Will any one notice?
Sometimes I try to push aside my insecurities about responsibility by quishing them down in to the pit of my stomach. Forgetting about them now and dealing with the indegestion later.
Last summer was so easy. Last summer everyone got along. I get to see my friends once in a while. But it's usually at some sort of club night and I'm sick of those. I want to go to the beach. I want to go to a house party. I want to sit on someone's front lawn and get totally pissed. I want to smoke so many fat blunts that it becomes so hard to look at anything with out breaking in to a fit of laughter. I want to go out with Jen and my friends and not have one fight about anything. And have a great time. And not get in trouble for anything my friends and I say or do. It's not the same when we go out with her friends. Sure they're fun but not nearly as cool as mine. But of course that's a bit biased. I guess we have fun in different ways. I wish sometimes we could just agree to have fun.