Bday parties and bad dreams
Lastnight I got to check out kylee's 21st Bday Party. It was cool. There wasn't too large a group that you didn't know anyone but not too small that you knew every fool there. BBQing in the dark and a small contained bonfire. The back yard was kinda neat. It had the feel of an outdoor party cause it was so overgrown. But you could see all the tall buildings in the background. Made for some neat pics I guess. I had a great time. There were alot of cool people. Some I hadn't seen in ages. It was cool hanging out with myles, jay and shayna. I keep meaning to hang out with her but I can never find the time. I left with jay around 12:45 and was home before 2. I passed out since jen wasn't home and all the pot I smoked made me burn out bad.
The next thing I know I'm awake ready to cry and jen's mad at me and we're fighting. I can honestly say that I blacked out for those first 3 minutes or so where I can't figure out what made me so upset. One minute I'm sound alseep the next minute I'm having a complete freak out. I'm barely fully awake for the rest of the fight but I'm so upset that I get dressed and want to leave for my mom's house. This being around 4am!!! I had a panic attack because I couldn't figure out what was going on. I'm gasping for air but it isn't filling my lungs. When I calm down I sit outside for a while and have a smoke. Seems like a stupid thing to be doing when I couldn't breathe a few moments ago but it was the only thing that could calm my nerves. When I get back inside jen's sleeping in another room which makes me so mad I start throwing things around. I can't make myself sleep and I spend the next 5 hours tossing around angrily in my bed until i have to get up for work. When I finally talk to jen she tells me that I was getting mad because I thought she was yelling at me when she came home. I must have dreamt it or something but the dream felt so real we had a real fight about it. Perhaps I didn't clue into the fact that I was awake. It's scary to think that I can't differeciate my dream world from reality. When one starts and the other ends. The reason I'd get so mad about such a thing is because nothing makes me wake up angrier then waking up to someone yelling at me. A little repressed hostility?? blah. I'm so tired I could sleep forever.
The next thing I know I'm awake ready to cry and jen's mad at me and we're fighting. I can honestly say that I blacked out for those first 3 minutes or so where I can't figure out what made me so upset. One minute I'm sound alseep the next minute I'm having a complete freak out. I'm barely fully awake for the rest of the fight but I'm so upset that I get dressed and want to leave for my mom's house. This being around 4am!!! I had a panic attack because I couldn't figure out what was going on. I'm gasping for air but it isn't filling my lungs. When I calm down I sit outside for a while and have a smoke. Seems like a stupid thing to be doing when I couldn't breathe a few moments ago but it was the only thing that could calm my nerves. When I get back inside jen's sleeping in another room which makes me so mad I start throwing things around. I can't make myself sleep and I spend the next 5 hours tossing around angrily in my bed until i have to get up for work. When I finally talk to jen she tells me that I was getting mad because I thought she was yelling at me when she came home. I must have dreamt it or something but the dream felt so real we had a real fight about it. Perhaps I didn't clue into the fact that I was awake. It's scary to think that I can't differeciate my dream world from reality. When one starts and the other ends. The reason I'd get so mad about such a thing is because nothing makes me wake up angrier then waking up to someone yelling at me. A little repressed hostility?? blah. I'm so tired I could sleep forever.